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The Onion: Hilarious Love Stories For Valentine's Day

The Onion Love

First Posted: 02/13/2012 8:25 am Updated: 02/13/2012 8:25 am

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For longtime couples and twitterpated teens, Valentine's Day is an exciting opportunity to raise blood sugar levels and take a stab at poetry-writing. For everyone else, navigating grocery store aisles saturated with chocolate-covered Peeps and chalky-tasting candy hearts is a pretty loathsome experience.

To save you from your red-and-pink-day blues: Humor newspaper The Onion. Their latest book, "The Onion Presents: Love, Sex And Other Natural Disasters" [Quirk Books, $12.95] catalogues snarky headlines and hilarious statistics about breaking the ice, women's magazines and more:

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For longtime couples and twitterpated teens, Valentine's Day is an exciting opportunity to raise blood sugar levels and take a stab at poetry-writing. For everyone else, navigating grocery store aisle...
For longtime couples and twitterpated teens, Valentine's Day is an exciting opportunity to raise blood sugar levels and take a stab at poetry-writing. For everyone else, navigating grocery store aisle...
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JoeyDee2
I know what just passed here
216 Fans
11:40 AM on 02/13/2012
I knew a gal once, a midlife torrid romance for a while, but she often was not there and had other agendas that I was too blind to see, so we parted ways. Actually, she ran off like a thief in the night. A perfect epitaph for the relationship: "We'll always be together as long as we're apart." I should send that in Valentine card.
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lastguitarstanding
23 Fans
10:40 AM on 02/13/2012
i think is nice that bill clinton ghost wrote this.
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