Romantic Regrets More Intense Than Work-Related Ones, Study Shows

It's 6 p.m. on Valentine's Day, and you're not yet done with the big project due tomorrow. Your sweetie's waiting for you to come home for dinner. Do you:

A) Leave the office anyway, stopping on the way home to pick up some chocolates, much to the chagrin of your boss.

or

B) Stay late to finish the project, earning the praise of the higher-ups, much to the chagrin of your partner.

A new study from Northwestern University researchers suggests that if you pick option B, you are more likely to regret it later on.

The study, which will be published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, shows that regrets about love are more intense for people than regrets about work, likely because love-related regrets have to do with the human need to belong.

"Social relationships, we suggest, are the most pivotal component of life regrets. Failed marriages, turbulent romances, and lost time with family may elicit regrets that last a lifetime," study researchers wrote in the study.

To conduct the study, scientists surveyed 500 adults in the U.S. about their biggest regrets. The researchers found that love-related regrets were more likely than work-related regrets to be considered "high-intensity."

"As you are thinking about how to feel good about your life, the thing you will feel most strongly about is protecting and strengthening your personal relationships," study researcher Neal Roese, a marketing professor at Northwestern, told TIME.

Last year, Roese conducted a study also published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science that showed that romantic regret is one of the most common regrets experienced by Americans. That study showed that 44 percent of women and 19 percent of men had romance-related regrets.

However, the study also showed that men had more work-related regrets than women, with 34 percent of men reporting having a work-related regret compared with 27 percent of women.

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Comments

[Jilly Lapin]

10:14 AM on 03/04/2012

Neal Roese. Man of no regrets. Please don't take advice from this 'man.' Familiar visual there with the flowers and sorry card. It greeted me once at home after he threatened to kick my f****** head in.

[Kelly Carroll]

04:07 PM on 02/14/2012

You can find another job, but hopefully you want to stick with your spouse forever. It is not healthy to be married to more than one 'thing' at a time, so be devoted to your spouse and do your best at work. If a boss cannot see that a healthy/happy family is a healthy/happy employee (and I count singles as having a family and life!), they don't deserve to be running a company.

As a boss, I feel that treating people with understanding and respect will keep the high quality people around, vs brow-beating folks and hoping they are scared enough to stay.

[Lovenhugs]

04:33 PM on 02/14/2012

Can I come work for you. You sound like a gem of a boss. Mine is of the old school (he's 72) he thinks that if he threatens you constantly with your job you will do better. Unfortunately, he is totally wrong. I don't ask for a raise, all I need is confirmation occasionally that I do my work and he respects me. I've been here 11 years and due to his lack of respect for me, I have none for him.

I agree, if you have a happy healthy spouse and family life, you are a much happier person. If the boss doesn't see that, then apparently they don't have a happy personal life and they will make yours hell.

Your employees are lucky to have you. Happy Valentine's Day. Leave early yourself and enjoy your family.

[Kelly Carroll]

06:30 PM on 02/14/2012

Thanks for the encouragement. I am new at this (and only 28), but as the company grows, we want to make sure people are appreciated. My husband also owns a company, and it never makes sense to him that he can treat his employees well, pay them fair, and they take advantage of him. It makes me very sad, but I will never spoil the good for a random rotten apple if that happens here. I'm tougher than that!

There are many good older bosses out there, but I think that no matter what, a grumpy person treats people like garbage, no matter their age. I have worked with some nasty people who weren't much older than me, and they are what inspire me to do better, to treat people better, and to be successful. While they are still mean and nasty in their same ol' job, I will be successful, and do great things with what I'm being blessed with. There is no greater happiness than doin' what you do and sharing it with others.

Keep your chin up, and perhaps you will find something better. No one deserves to be treated badly...especially when they know your value after such a long time!

Happy Valentines Day to you and your loved ones, too. :)

[Kelly Carroll]

06:33 PM on 02/14/2012

Oh, and PS - We are in Alaska, and growing slowly...we will be hiring more, hopefully, in about 5 months. If you want to keep your eyes open for a great data entry job, and don't mind freezing your fanny off up here, my company is ProjectKeepers, LLC and we'll be looking for good loyal people. If that's not a possibility, keep looking where you are so you can find a place to be appreciated. :)