Post-Divorce Dating: Are You Ready? (VIDEO)

Looking to get back into the dating scene post-divorce, but not sure it's the right time? According to YourTango.com relationship expert Amy Spencer, there is one sure-fire way to know if you're ready.

"The way to know if you're ready for a relationship, is to say, 'I'm ready for a relationship' and then see how it feels," she said. "Say it to your bedroom wall, say it to your mirror, say it to your dashboard, say it to your friends and family. Tell them, 'I'm ready for a relationship' and see how it feels in your gut. Do you believe it? If you don't believe it, it's probably not true."

How did you know it was the right time? Tell us in the comments.

Comments

[grifrn]

03:22 PM on 02/20/2012

"Lonely?" I ain't that lonely...

[anna111]

02:09 PM on 02/20/2012

This question is for both Men and Women? When or if you have dated someone that is recently divorced? What were some of the Red flags that told you No this person is not ready to date yet...

[Guardian Weasel]

06:10 PM on 02/20/2012

She introduced herself as "Mrs. David Wilson."

[anna111]

01:17 PM on 02/21/2012

Now that's a Big Red flag..

[mds308]

12:21 PM on 02/20/2012

I knew I was ready when the ankle monitor came off.

[Stu gots]

10:51 AM on 02/20/2012

I'll know I'm ready to date again when a 5'3" Swedish Blonde falls from the sky as I mow my lawn - lands on me and and says " Where am I ? "

[nomadbud]

10:11 AM on 02/20/2012

How did you know it was the right time? when you have an itch that you cant scratch yourself .

[Ziggy111]

01:39 AM on 02/20/2012

I think the main thing after a divorce is to forget about dating, go out & have fun. Do the things you enjoy and be around people that bring you enjoy. The rest will show up naturally.

[Stu gots]

11:00 AM on 02/20/2012

AWESOME POST :)

[Ziggy111]

11:15 AM on 02/20/2012

Thanks Stu gots! Hope you're out celebrating the good life!
There's an old indian saying.....it's not who leaves your life you should be concerned about, but it's who enters it. Many times when someone leaves our life it's for a purpose.....only it takes some longer to recognize it. When we recognize it we grow and life does become better!

[kmcc895370]

04:03 PM on 02/20/2012

You really said it. I'm a guy who's been through it and I found that when you least expect it there she is, the person that will turn your life around.

[Ziggy111]

01:32 AM on 02/21/2012

Congrats!

[elvirawalker]

01:04 AM on 02/20/2012

Men get over a relationship much quicker than women. That is because, men are visual. They can look at women, and get excited, and get sexually involved. But, women, heads have to be stroked, wined, and dined. women are more particular.

[steves1709]

03:56 AM on 02/20/2012

Then men + women are similar - at least w/ the head stroking thing. Don't blame me for this post, someone had to say it!

[tonytonmsn]

11:24 AM on 02/20/2012

I like it when a woman strokes my head, too. I don't think anyone else got it...... :)

[Stu gots]

10:56 AM on 02/20/2012

I'm sorry - I think just the opposite . I think guys are mushy and women are more headstrong . Maybe a guy might start dating quicker - but as far as emotionally - women are definitely more headstrong . And I'm a guy -so I'm just being objective here .

[elvirawalker]

04:35 PM on 02/20/2012

I am not saying that men don't hurt. Yes, some men are mushy. But, some men are very visual. After a breakup, they can become captivated by someone, simply, because, they visually possess attributes that they may like. Men are turned on sexually by visual stimulation. This involvement can ease some of the pain from the breakup, thereby, opening them up sooner to a new relationship. On the other hand, women, are more mental. They have to work through pain, anger, and forgiveness. So, therefore, getting into a new relationship after a breakup, takes longer for them.

[victorzeller]

12:27 AM on 02/20/2012

Most divorced women ARE NOT ready for a relationship. But they are ready for some fun sex.

[elvirawalker]

01:11 AM on 02/20/2012

Like the French. They believe in living together, rather than marriage. I also like that idea. Not that you are not committed. You just chose your way of being committed. It also feels free. You are not there because someone said that you had to be there. You are there, because, this is the person that you care for, and want to share your life with.

[churchgirl1973]

10:58 AM on 02/20/2012

No marriage= no sex here. No bed until I am wed. That is the way I choose to live my life and the benefits are out of this world.

[ktv813]

11:40 PM on 02/19/2012

After two and a half years I decided that I wanted to wrap my hands around something other than my golf clubs.

[steves1709]

03:57 AM on 02/20/2012

Softball bat? Garden tools?

[patience 63]

10:51 PM on 02/19/2012

I was divorced for 11yrs before I started to date I have four daughters and did not have the time to date after my daughters were old enough that was 2009 I went out with the first guy and the relationship off and on lasted for a total of 8months he cheated and since then I have dated but nothing serious it is hard to find a decent man dateable

[victorzeller]

12:28 AM on 02/20/2012

What makes YOU think YOU ARE DATEABLE?

[elvirawalker]

01:06 AM on 02/20/2012

Almost, everyone is dateable. There is someone for everyone. Just have to be in the right place at the right time.

[shouston]

12:35 AM on 02/20/2012

i agree. after 20 years and the damage the cheating did to my children -- three years later, i'm still trying to get THEM in a good place. i don't have the energy or time to worry about ME. i don't want to die alone but, unlike him, my children are my first priority.

[Christine Belon]

10:44 AM on 02/20/2012

Great comment. I hope you all get to a better place. Men don't realize the damage they leave behind. Women like you should score extra karma points. I know someone who was in your boat many years ago and she now has a boyfriend and is living it up-- her kids are grown. I couldn't happier for her.

[helenaivy]

11:32 PM on 02/20/2012

Thats nice to hear. My mom could have taken a lesson from you....big time.

[piceaglauca]

07:25 PM on 02/19/2012

I can't imagine waking up to the same person every day of my life. It's bad enough doing that at my place for one day. When I get up it's to make decisions about myself not someone else so to know when you want to date it's like going to the bathroom, you know when to flush.

[cmsgtd]

02:40 PM on 02/20/2012

When you meet the right person you won't be able to imagine how you could wake up without them! I've been a widower for 2 years and I still miss my wife of 48 years. Only when you meet that special someone can you understand my comments...............

[piceaglauca]

06:35 PM on 02/20/2012

Yes, I support you on that..and if you are looking for that special person, and if you find that special person, all the power to you. If you have found that special person, all the better. You did and now it is even harder. That is a part I wouldn't want. Anyways, best to you and being open and frank.

[syl118]

08:14 AM on 02/19/2012

Sadly enough, my son's ex-wife was ready to date BEFORE they were divorced!

[CSNC]

02:44 AM on 02/19/2012

"WATCH: The #1 Way To Know If You're Ready To Date Again"

#1 and #2: When you finally get horny again! and when the misery of being married does not hurt as much.

H

[imfedup]

03:11 PM on 02/18/2012

My best advice is not to fall for the first sweet talker who comes along, thinking "This will be easier than I thought!" There are plenty of men out there who know that recently separated or divorced women are lonely, undersexed, and very eager to be reassured that they're still special and desirable.

[mijumom]

08:59 PM on 02/18/2012

Sad but true

[vrigano]

02:10 AM on 02/20/2012

prime targets for the player. divorced dateless desperate and willing to help a sensitive caring understanding man financially i know a guy getting $ 500 to $800 a month in gifts and loans that will never be paid back plus XXX sex by dating divorced or long time single women. he had it going on almost 24 7 ! a veritable buffet of middle aged overweight / obese at his door with food and money and cars at his door. they were mostly clueless about his motives and too disgusted w/ themselves to do anything about it. when its over he simply never returns phone calls or changes his number or job. easy pickinings!

[imfedup]

10:01 AM on 02/20/2012

Unfortunate, but true.

[dingflofbips]

08:44 PM on 02/17/2012

I had told myself I was going to take at least a year... but I didn't make it! Although I wasn't ready at all to have anything more than holding hands, giggling and at best a hug... I got butterflies 2 months after seperating! We talked on the phone for hours for over a month before we saw eachother again and took it from there. I needed a lot of time/space for myself (work and having my child 100%, no family to help and to sort out past trauma) but at the same time the love-connection was essential in the healing process. Loving someone, being loved, brought me out of a crazy abnormal abusive place (that was still continuing in my mind) back to normalcy.

[piceaglauca]

07:26 PM on 02/19/2012

How long has it been?