Wedding Etiquette Trivia: Do You Know The Rules?

Do you know how many months you have to send out those thank-you notes after your Big Day? What about the rules on where guests should send their too-big-for-the-day-of wedding gifts?

Navigating the wedding world can be tricky -- so we turned to etiquette expert Peggy Post, great-granddaughter-in-law of famed etiquette guru Emily Post, to guide us through the official Dos and Don'ts for the Big Day.

Click through the slideshow below to challenge your knowledge of wedding etiquette.

Comments

[nifepartie]

09:39 PM on 02/27/2012

Allow the invitations 6-8 weeks to print? What the hell does that mean? That literally makes no sense. Do they mean send the invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding? Because that in no way can be translated to anything that makes sense.

[ray13666]

04:38 PM on 02/26/2012

I believe the article was informative and hopefully read by the younger generation whom it seems are not too good on sending you thank you notes. Case in point I paid for my granddaughters wedding hall and never received a thank you note or a thank you for that matter. So I did not give a wedding gift (the hall was expensive) and did not get a thank you note from the wedding either. A few months later she asked me for rent money because they were behind, I refused. This put her right square of my do not give list. Has anyone else had this happen, or anything along this line or is it me?

[casper48626]

04:23 PM on 02/26/2012

I was married in 1964 and we followed all of those rules. But when I wrote out the thank you notes my mother said that she would put the stamps on and mail them for me. Which I thought had been done. No one ever said anything to me about not receiving a thank you note. But.....after my mother passed and we were there cleaning out the house....guess what we discovered in the closet of what was my bedroom? Yup! All of the thank you notes, that I had spent my time on writing a personal note and addressing the envelope were there in a box in my bedroom, never sent out! I was devastated! I do remember giving my Mom the money to purchase the stamps which she said that she would do. After I found them, I hand delivered all that I still could, to the people who were still alive and in the area. Some people had moved so I put those notes into another envelope and mailed them off to the addressee with an explanation of what happened. Many of my friends and relatives now laugh about it. No sense being angry!

[Ossit]

04:11 PM on 02/26/2012

Poovoh you astound me! You're ranting about "it's good manners" to write a thank you note though it's superficial, yet say if you don't you name call them? Wow! Is name calling "good manners"? If so, then I must be extremely rude because I won't name call.

[ldyqtee6]

03:52 PM on 02/26/2012

The rules of wedding etiquette were formulated by people with obviously nothing better to do with their time. Weddings are supposed to be simple affairs and a time for family and friends to share in the joining of two individuals and families and not some elaborate and expensive event as they have transformed into solely for the purpose of showing off. All that is required for a wedding is the bride, the groom, two witnesses and someone to officiate.

All this nonsense about which side to wear flowers, or how soon should a couple a register or wait for printed invitations or hold the reception or send thank you notes or for that matter timelines for wedding planning. I guess a person should be saving for a decade before they consider getting married so they can afford a wedding according to today's standards.

[Nan9]

03:46 PM on 02/26/2012

I'm known in my family as the card, lady! Thank you, birthday or celebration should be acknowledged. Youths are guilty of not sending cards but so are some oldies! " I'm too busy, I forgot, I've too much on my mind." None are valid excuses! Consider the time & money someone spent to do something special for you & you can't send, a real thank you, note or acknowledge that person's, birthday or celebration? Only a self-centered, individual can't find a few moments! One more year and I'll give more to my favorite charity! Giving where it is appreciated. People, who are too busy, probably don't have the time to open our cards & gifts, so we'll do them a favor & not send them! For weddings, a hand written thank you note, within the first few weeks, is acceptable. Any longer or in an email or whatever, is insulting. When I was to be married, when I received a present for my husband to be and I, we opened the gifts, together & wrote out our thank yous, as the gifts arrived. They used to have a gift table in the home of the bride. You'ld display the gifts for visitors & family to see that their gift was appreciated. Not tossed in a pile like yesterdays', newspapers. Those were the days of romance & love for family and friends. Many have forgotten common courtesy. The card, lady lives, for now. I'm not, alone! Those, who still do the

[Nan9]

03:48 PM on 02/26/2012

To finsh the last few words that was cut off of my comment.....Those, who still do the same, I admire and respect you!

[lauraly20017]

03:25 PM on 02/26/2012

This is based on modern wedding etiquette which is different in many ways from the traditional etiquette of Emily's day. I grew up being taught Emily's way of etiquette and I know it like the back of my hand. Some of the new changes make a lot of sense to me, but then others I'm not to keen on for example the time allowed to send Thank You cards. It used to be you had one calendar year from the date of your wedding to send off your Thank You cards to people. Now you only have three months. In this day and age when women work for a living and have less and less time to do personal things, something as important as that should not be downsized. Also, you should NEVER automate it or send out preprinted Thank You notes. They should always be hand written and personalized with the name of the giver and the item received.

[kyoteee1]

03:07 PM on 02/26/2012

The most important question, they didn't offer: Is it ever acceptable for a non-virgin or pregnant bride to wear white? Answer: NO! White is the color of purity. Off-white is okay but not 'real' white.

[EmCeePee]

03:36 PM on 02/26/2012

I don't agree. I think the most important question at most of the weddings I've attended in the last ten years, is whether the bride will keep her shoes on for most of the reception or whether the groom will get drunk before or after the ceremony.

Other questions do come to mind but the color of the dress is not important. In fact, up until the WW II era, many brides wore colors other than white and often simply wore the best dress they had or could afford. Grooms tried to wear a suit and maybe get a haircut. Formal weddings with outrageous receptions and themes were for only the very wealthy. Receptions were at the church or at someones home. Honeymoons were often only a dream or were for a long weekend at a nearby hotel. Gifts often were hand made or family heirlooms.

What's changed has been dramatic -- it is the expectation of brides, and some family members, that the wedding day needs to be a unique and extraordinary event that astounds everyone. It is a form of showing off and being selfish. Weddings are about family and community and commitment. The ceremony and all the other stuff are secondary and of little importance.

[miziulu]

03:45 PM on 02/26/2012

I'm sure the bride and groom can wear whatever they want on THEIR wedding. Why must she want to let the world know whether she's a virgin or not? It's not anyone's business.

[Candles81]

03:11 PM on 02/26/2012

It's formality, and really quite appropriate for those who have devoted time and expense to travel or have bestowed a personal gift upon the couple. Sending a note shows that you appreciate the efforts your guests have made to be present on your day.

[Ossit]

05:36 PM on 02/26/2012

"Sending a not shows that you appreciate the efforts your guests have made to be present on your day". Really? Sounds like gee wedding people, aren't you glad I don't feel put out by attending and being invited? Answering an RSVP and showing up should be enough appreciation.

It sounds like the bride and groom should be grateful you even showed up or gave a gift.

Perhaps the woman who grabs the bouquet should write a thank you note for catching it even though it wasn't aimed at her? Nope. She doesn't do it and the world doesn't collapse.

[HowlingHounds]

03:14 PM on 02/26/2012

Why send thank you notes? Because it's good manners. Common courtesy is and always has been that, if you receive an invitation, you send gift whether you plan to attend the wedding or not. I suggest you read some articles on wedding manners and you'll find out that thank you notes are still the right thing to do.

[Ossit]

05:29 PM on 02/26/2012

It's all superficial. Attending should be thanks enough, HowlingHounds. If you receive an invitation, It's "good manners" to attend. You give a gift because you want to, not because you have to.

To be honest, in this digital age, I'm surprised people bother to write an actual thank you note instead of e-mailing and texting.

[yellowroselv55]

02:11 PM on 02/26/2012

So glad to see that there are many of you who still send thank you notes. This should be done any time some one gives you a gift or helps you in some way....not just limited to weddings.
A thank you note is to be handwritten and mailed, no e-mails, and should be sent promptly--within a week or within a week of return from honeymoon. Also, it should state what the thank you is about.....the coffee pot is great, the $50 will be put to good use, the flowers are beautiful, helping us haul furnishings, etc.....never just "Thank you for the gift" or as one of my daughter-in-laws was famous for "We got the box."
A gentleman or a lady will always send a thank you note (man or woman can't always be depended upon).

[Poovoh]

04:01 PM on 02/26/2012

lol! "We got the box." Did she write anything else or was that it??

[gardenmom]

02:04 PM on 02/26/2012

i would also add, when sending out thank you notes, make it personal, dont just send a factory writen card with your signature on it. take the time to write what it is they gave you and how you appreciate it!
cant tell how many times people have sent me signature only card, when i put special thought into there gift. its sooooo disheartning.

[kyoteee1]

03:08 PM on 02/26/2012

Agreed! But also should be done within 6 weeks after the wedding, not 3 months (which is very rude).

[Candles81]

03:13 PM on 02/26/2012

Even worse is when the couple sends you nothing at all in acknowledgement... Has happened to us on no less than four occasions.

[qud]

01:57 PM on 02/26/2012

I find it amazing at how many people on here are blogging that "thank-yous" are basic manners, let-alone wedding ettiquette. Couldn't agree more. BUT, I have taught my kids to always say please and acknowledge/show grattitude with a thank you. I have even taught them to hold doors open for ladies- amongst other things- (and two of them are only 12). What amazes me is that it is not only the younger generation that does not say thank-you it is also the older so-called wiser generation that just breeze past without even a thank you or even hint of acknowledgment. I am now teaching them to say loudly and in a semi-sarcastic voice " you're welcome" and then wait for the response. Many of the parents unfortunately don't know manners either anymore. But my wife and I will never give up. Maybe there should be a credit for it in high school. Just saying.

[Candles81]

03:15 PM on 02/26/2012

I have made a habit of uttering the "semi-sarcastic" 'your welcome' also; most times, though, it garners no attention, which is quite disturbing to me. There's a difference between being kind to others and being taken advantage of.

[Nan9]

04:15 PM on 02/26/2012

I totally, agree. I always hold the door for someone or thank the person who holds it for me. Many do not! It is very rude. Also, hate it when parents don't teach their children not to run in front of others, possibly, causing a person to trip. My grandchildren have been taught good manners, almost to a fault. Their parents have taught them, so well, it disheartens me to see how adults don't say, thank you to them. I try to praise them, when I see that happen so they will know someone, noticed. Just wish people would be more aware of their surroundings and others. Life truly is NOT that busy. Many just choose not to make those simple jesters, part of their lives.

[nohopepope2187]

01:56 PM on 02/26/2012

It just so much easier to get there late and crash it, haha.

[twfslc]

01:18 PM on 02/26/2012

Here's my pet peeeve. People who skip the ceremony and head to the reception. That's basically saying that I don't care if you get married. I just want a free meal and some booze. I would rather have someone come to the wedding and skip the reception, due to a scheduling conflict.

My other pet peeve is weddings that are at 2pm, while the receptions are at 6pm. I realize that many churches have Saturday evening services. So, go with a morning wedding and luncheon reception.

[ldyqtee6]

03:54 PM on 02/26/2012

Not everyone is invited to the ceremony or for that matter can attend the ceremony based on their schedules. Quite frankly, my pet peeve is couples that invite a ton of people solely for the purpose of getting gifts and cash to pay for their wedding showcase.

[Edwin Keever Jr]

01:03 PM on 02/26/2012

I do!!!