'Am I Ugly?' Videos: Young Teens Ask YouTube Users Whether They're Pretty Or Not

"People say I’m ugly. So … tell me -- am I?"

A young girl stares earnestly, and perhaps a bit awkwardly, into the camera asking the world wide web of YouTube users to comment on her appearance. With 35,000 views and nearly 1,200 comments, her video is just one small piece in what seems to be a growing trend of teen and "tween" (between the ages of 11 and 13) girls taking to the Internet to broadcast concerns about their looks -- and asking strangers to weigh in on these insecurities.

First reported by Jezebel, these YouTube videos seem to be made predominantly by middle-school aged girls, though there are boys featured in some of them as well. A simple search turns up pages upon pages of similar clips, entitled things like "Am I Ugly?" "Am I Ugly Or Pretty?" "Am I Ugly, Be Honest" and "Am I Pretty Or Not?"

One video, posted in December of 2010 has gotten over 3.4 million views and 92,000 comments. "I just wanted to make a random video seeing if I was like, ugly or not? Because a lot of people call me ugly and I think I am ugly ... and fat." She goes on to show the audience a series of photos of herself and asks users to "tell me what you think." The comments on these clips range from astoundingly awful ("my vote: UGLIER THAN A DEMON" or "F*ck off whore wannabe") to supportive ("I think you look pretty and nice,") to concerned ("Sweetie, ur 2 young to be using the Internet, much less having these losers judge you.")

The sheer number of these videos, and how regularly their creators reference other ones, suggests that a virtual community has formed around the concept.

SFGate’s Amy Graff expressed concern that these young people are only harming themselves by asking anonymous strangers for look-based critiques:

A 12-year-old isn’t mature enough to deal with vicious remarks made by their mean-spirited peers and sick-minded Internet trolls ... Adolescence is dark and savage and when teenagers put themselves up on the Internet it only magnifies the experience.

HuffPost Teen reported recently on another disturbing online trend -- a community of "thinspiration blogs" on Tumblr. As reporter Carolyn Gregoire discovered, this "thinspo" collective is built around young women encouraging one another to lose extreme amounts of weight, in an insular (well, as insular as the Internet can be) environment. In contrast, these YouTube videos are built around the anticipated responses of "outsiders," and though the young people in them purport to want honesty, they’re likely also looking for affirmation.

This need for approval coincides with the girls passing an age when self-esteem tends to peak. After age nine, researchers find that body confidence plummets. According to the NYU Child Study Center, one study showed that 59 percent of girls in 5th through 12th grade were dissatisfied with their physical appearance.

Given how fragile kids are at this stage, not to mention privacy concerns and the potential longevity of Internet exposure, bloggers have responded to these videos by urging YouTube to shut them down. Jezebel’s Katie M. Baker asks "How do we get YouTube to make this illegal?" And while the video sharing site officially requires users to be at least 13 years old, getting in when you’re younger is simple. Graff calls for parents as well as YouTube to more closely monitor kids’ use of the site. Given that many parents already believe they should be making decisions about their child’s Facebook use, this solution doesn’t feel particularly far-fetched.

The (somewhat) good news is that a small but growing number of "response" videos to the "Am I Ugly?" trend have been posted, which means some kids are questioning the idea itself. But, in a world of carefully curated Facebook profiles that put personal lives (and looks) at center stage, and a constant bombardment of "aspirational" digitally altered images both online and offline, it’s perhaps unsurprising that young people are sharing their body image anxieties in such a forum. Deleting these videos from YouTube channels could act as a band-aid solution, but their existence is indicative of something much larger.

What do you think the role of parents is in situations like this? What can we do to encourage our children to feel confident about their looks?

Note: We'd love to hear from you on the issues in the comments below, but please remember that what you say can have a very profound impact on young people. Please keep it clean, and flag anything you see as abusive. Thanks.

Comments

[Colby Pilotage McCormack]

10:55 PM on 04/22/2012

These girls are obviously starved for attention. It's obvious that they aren't ugly. The only reason they posted it on YouTube is to get their fix of attention. YouTube is used by pedophiles, hustlers, scammers, teen boys looking to prey on preteen girls, murderers, phishers, and generally trolls, which would make it the last place anyone would go to get some sense of validation.

As for the topic of "ugly" kids... Yes, they do exist everywhere, but it saddens me to see kids put on medication or given surgery so they can be with the "In" crowd... To the parents of these kids, remember what a wise man once said: "In every society, there always is someone cleaning the toilets"

[Mary Jo Cleaver Toso]

11:24 PM on 04/29/2012

It is fine to agree there are people more beautiful, yet everyone is beautiful too. No one should expect not to succeed based on looks on this earth unless they are planning to be models. We care too much. It should only be based on a good job done or it is descriminatory and should be illegal.

[Durbin Butch Conrad]

01:19 PM on 03/04/2012

As a great grampa, and having worked with young people as a case manager, I find that the young ladies are worried about being pretty or ugly a very sad thing, Each and everyone of them are just a cute as a new born speckled pup and should be encouraged to believe themselves gorgeous.

[Kit McGuigan]

07:41 PM on 03/03/2012

Absolutely not!

[jMvolume1]

04:44 PM on 02/29/2012

Check out a video about the subject matter at my youtube page "therealjmvolume1"

[RewritBeautiful]

03:03 PM on 02/29/2012

I've worked in an eating disorder rehab and I thought I'd seen it all. This is tragic. The non-profit I speak on behalf of, Rewrite Beautiful visits schools and holds workshops that share eating disorder testimony's and does an art project to rewrite beauty as an action; creativity, kindness and strength. We tell young girls that once upon a time we also thought that being hot and sexy would make us happy. We were very wrong and almost died from our obsessions. We get to illustrate to the girls that today what we value in people and in ourselves are our actions. Actions can never be taken away from you, like your looks can. Actions also are much more reliable to bring you happiness and fulfillment. I just wanted to let all you concerned folks know that there is a group out there fighting the good fight on behalf of these very confused girls. - Irvina Kanarek, Founder + Creative Director www.RewriteBeautiful.org

[Mrderisch Ktzchen]

02:55 PM on 02/29/2012

As long as society has such insane beauty standards, girls will always go through this. Girls these days are mostly taught their only value is beauty and they have to have certain features to be considered pretty . Trust me, I don't fit some stupid mold and I have seen the dark side of society and how I have been treated. No cared if I was nice and a good person, I wasn't "hot" or "pretty", so I am worthless.

I realized though, no one will ever be happy with their looks, not until society and the media realizes everyone is born with different body types and features. Like, I hated my nose because it's longer and pointy. Society says that is manly while a smaller nose is girly (most girls in things like cartoons and actressess tend to have small noses, while the boys in cartoons and actors tend to be shown with bigger noses) Yet I have seen people with smaller/flatter noses wish they had longer pointy noses.

There is one thing that i always remember that makes me feel better, an elderly lady who just stopped and looked at me and said that I am so beautiful. It was said with so much sincerity, made realize that just because I don't fit some ideal, I am not ugly.

[Js420]

08:16 PM on 03/02/2012

Alot of "pretty" people in tv, movies or magazines don't even look that good in person. Makeup and photoshop takes care of what "average" people worry about. I look around and i see good looking people everywhere.

[The Rational Outlook]

07:01 PM on 02/28/2012

My heart goes out to people who feel like this. At the same time: STOP! To every kid/person who wants to post something like that, realize that every future employer can look that up and see it! They won't want to hire someone who exposed themselves to the world for pity.

[summergermann]

07:22 PM on 02/27/2012

I am so saddened by this! Things like this is exactly why I started a line of bracelets called Hope Ropes to be worn as daily reminders that someone loves you and to Be Happy, Be Yourself & to Believe in Yourself. By wearing these bracelets, I am hoping that no one ever feels alone and knows that they have everything inside themselves to be exactly who they want to be! I call it a project because my project is to get a bracelet on the wrist of anyone and everyone that needs or wants one! www.projecthoperopes.com

[Js420]

08:18 PM on 03/02/2012

Agree. I didn't even look at the video.

[efm270]

03:52 PM on 02/27/2012

This is so sad.

Why are so many young girls doing this? Well, let's look at how they grow up today.

Almost from birth, little girls are taught how important it is to be pretty and a huge emphasis is put on their looks. Strangers will tell little girls and their parents how pretty they look, how pretty their dollies, dresses, etc., are. If you are a girl, everything good is "pretty". When complimenting a young boy, they are more likely to say that he's strong or big. I can't count the number of women who have told me they would like to have a baby girl so that they can dress her up like a little princess.

As adults, it's not just about the photoshopped, hyper-sexualized images of women that we see everyday, it's also the fact that normal-looking women are virtually invisible in popular culture. Except for those Dove ads and a couple of successful actresses who don't fit the typical mould, any woman you see on camera or on a billboard could be a supermodel.

[Rasputin66]

01:38 AM on 02/28/2012

Yes. These kids don't need someone to reassure them they are "pretty." They need to examine a value system based on judging women compared to other women. "Beauty" isn't real; it was invented.

In other words, jeez, stop being so shallow all the time, you guys.

[earthinretrograde]

06:33 PM on 02/28/2012

We have to constantly show our preteens and teens the "stars without makeup" pics from tabloids. Tell them its all smoke and mirrors.

[Chip Common]

02:01 PM on 02/27/2012

I bet people who really ugly wouldn't put themselves out there for millions of people. Anyone who posts a video asking this question is seeking attention. And when they get a negative response, that's what makes them depressed. Parents need to teach their kids the pitfalls of attention-seeking behavior.

[Julio Vazquez]

04:42 AM on 02/27/2012

to god youer good looking.god bless you julio.?

[Julie Washington]

02:18 PM on 02/25/2012

For all you teens asking the question about being ugly, First how sad you would even ask that question. The honest truth about ugly is that it is not just something seen on the outside. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves,doesn't make them ugly. Ugly is cruel,hurtful, hateful. Most people want to be with people who are kind,understanding,forgiving,and accepting. If that is not the kind of people one chooses to be with, than more than likely they choose to be ugly. So ugly really is a choice.

[mlic975220]

08:16 AM on 02/25/2012

I was a young girl once too & asked the same questions, but difference is there was no internet or You Tube. I asked my friends & my parents. Kids also told me I was not pretty or I was too skinny or dumb or any number of things. My parents were good people who tried their best, but young girls are just very vulnerable & don't always have a high self esteem. I would hope the parents of these girls are working with them to help them through these tough times.

[Puttza Puttza]

05:00 PM on 02/24/2012

You are very cute and I would feel forry for the people who are calling you ugly... they feel that way inside so they want you to feel the way they feel. Dont let them win. Hold your head up.

[Redv14]

04:56 PM on 02/24/2012

This is so disturbing! These youngsters haven't finished growing yet and they are worrying about whether they are ugly or not. My advise would be, don't worry about what you look like now. You're a work in progress and in the end you will be just fine. Take it easy.