The Quest For A Truthful Life: One Georgia Woman's Coming Out Battle

East Cobb Patch :

Shannon Hames rarely betrays emotion as she discusses the painful events that transformed her life, virtually in a flash.

She'll tell you, however, that flash of a moment was decades in the making.

Read the whole story: East Cobb Patch

Comments

[Lou on Vancouver Island]

10:36 AM on 02/26/2012

There are thousands of stories like this. People trying to meet society's expectations and living a lie. Imagine what this was like fifty years ago! It took courage to not take the easy path. One improvement over the Fifties and Sixties was the opportunity for women to have a career. It's always been smoother for men to stay single for whatever reason they wanted to offer.

Sounds like Shannon's kids understand. I hope so.

Memo to men and women who "aren't sure." Act on what you feel, not what you are told you SHOULD feel. Be true to yourself and don't involve heteros in a masquerade that will hurt them and you down the line.

[Valksy]

05:13 PM on 02/25/2012

Brave of her to come out. I can't say that I necessarily understand - I have never personally felt a moment of doubt or tried to conform (religion to blame again).

However, these stories tend to be difficult reading and hard for people to respond to. In an ideal world, people would be free to be who they are. But to say that is to place her children in a position to worry that they are resented, or in fear that their parents never loved them and didn't want them.

My hope would be that no one has to play straight for the comfort of others in the future. But, for now, there is help and understanding for those who come to the realisation that they need to be themselves - for their own emotional and mental wellbeing - and support for their families.

But I am very much aware of the issues for families. It was never my truth, but I've seen it often enough over the years. A lot of women (my circle tends to be female) live a life they know is wrong for them for the good of their family until they cannot take it any more. It's better if they don't live a lie, but it does happen and kindness and sensitivity is the best option for all parties involved. Women in these situations are not "turning" gay, they always were, but for whatever reason they had to suppress, conceal and hide it.

[JFaye]

08:05 PM on 02/25/2012

F/F .. Well said.

Recently, I embraced a family member who is hiding her homosexuality to simply tell her I love her and she and her partner have my support. For years they have lived as a couple and recently purchased a home together. She has not spoken a word to me since... Her mother dialed my home at daybreak the next morning and cursed me for everything she could imagine. I was taken back... However, another family member explained because of the mother's discomfort with her daughter's sexuality, his cousin will remain closeted.

This is a damned if I do, damned if I don't dynamic and we all walk around pretending they are not gay. I don't understand what I did wrong; but I regret saying anything as she has closed all avenues of communication with me and I love her and her partner. What some closeted gays don't understand is not only are they discomforted by coming out, others are sitting back saying "Just come out already..." Not every family member will understand, but such is life.

[DessieRandom]

03:51 PM on 02/25/2012

It was very brave of her to come out after that. I hope she has and continues to have a very happy life :)