Hello. My name is Eric. I'm five eight, 185 pounds. I'm neither skinny nor obese, but a six pack will always be a mystery to me. I wear a size 42 jacket, have a 34-inch waist, and a size nine-and-a-half shoe. I've got hair that's thinning in the back and a second chin that semi-regular workouts are keeping at bay. (Barely.) Over the years, people have told me I resemble Fred Savage, or Robert Downey Jr., or that guy who lived down the hall in college -- I can pass for any nondescript white guy with brown hair and brown eyes. People don't tend to notice me, but for the first time since my Bar Mitzvah, I actually need to stand out and call attention to myself.
I'm getting married in three months. I need a tuxedo.