WOMEN
03/29/2012 11:09 am ET

REPLY ALL: Joy Behar On Her Hair, Her Aunt Rose And Her Stripper Name

Marlo Thomas checks in with the Brooklyn-born comedienne and feisty firebrand of talk TV.

If you could write a personal slogan that you live by, what would it be?
“Always wait until the last minute to get anything done.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would like my boobs to be the same size.

What is your secret dream?
To own a comedy club.

What is your greatest fear?
Doing stand-up and forgetting my act.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“So what?” and “Who cares?”

Who is your personal hero?
My mother.

Who do you text the most? How often?
My daughter. Every day.

Who was the funniest person in your childhood?
My Aunt Rose…but she didn’t know it.

Who or what always makes you laugh?
Mel Brooks’ 2000-Year-Old Man, and pictures of animals in clothing.

What do you collect?
I don’t collect anything -- I’m a purger. Would you like me to come over and clean out your closet?

What is your obsession?
My hair.

Which of the seven deadly sins is your favorite?
Gluttony.

What is always in your refrigerator?
Greek yogurt and mozzarella sticks. And white wine.

When you're watching TV, what makes you want to throw the remote at the screen?
Phony TV personae.

What do you find sexy? What turns you on?
Clandestine sex in movies (see: Ryan’s Daughter).

What is your current state of mind?
Disgruntled contentment.

What brings you peace?
Playing Scrabble on my iPad.

Which song would make the perfect soundtrack for your life?
“It’s Too Darn Hot.”

What's the most useless piece of advice you've ever received?
“Change your voice.”

If you were a stripper, what would you choose for your stage name?
Clams Casino.

What do you remember most about your first kiss?
It was sloppy.

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