Amy Childs, Katie Price, Robbie Williams, Sarah Harding. If those names don't ring a bell, don't worry. You didn't skip a page (or five) while perusing the latest supermarket tabloids. These are the names that rule pop culture on the other side of the pond.
That's right. Don't be fooled by their fancy accents and vast vocabularies: the British are actually at least as celebrity-mad as their American cousins. In the U.K., as in Hollywood, the paparazzi run rampant and tabloids document every move of the public's favorite actors, singers and reality-TV train wrecks.
But what exactly does the celebrity scene look like in a land without Kardashians? Our friends at HuffPost Celebrity U.K. helped us break down the British equivalents of America's most famous fantasy objects.
Courtney Stodden, meet Amy Childs:
"Teen bride" Courtney Stodden made a name for herself by marrying 51-year-old "Green Mile" actor Doug Hutchison when she was only 16. Stodden isn't known for any real talent, but neither is English model and reality star Amy Childs, who boasts a similar sort of fame. Childs stars on the reality show "The Only Way Is Essex" and was born to nail a sexy pose for drooling camera men.
Kim Kardashian, meet Katie Price:
Curvaceous, raven-haired beauties? Check, check, check. Kim Kardashian can count British brand machine and former glamour (that's British for "frequently topless") model Katie Price as her across-the-pond counterpart. Like Kim, Price is a reality-TV staple, a sometime singer (let's not forget Kardashian's foray into the music world with "Jam (Turn It Up)") and, above all, a stellar businesswoman.
Giuliana Rancic, meet Fearne Cotton:
Who leaves us just as starstruck as the celebrities she gives us access to? Giuliana Rancic. For a British counterpart, look no further than blonde bombshell Fearne Cotton. Cotton serves as a radio DJ and TV "presenter," and often earns top billing in glossies such as Vogue and Harper's Bazaar.
Lindsay Lohan, meet Sarah Harding:
We have a feeling that if these two got together, stars would align -- and promptly explode. Lohan has long since outgrown (if you can call it that) the innocence that made us love her in the first place, and the same can be said for Harding, the former Girls Aloud member, rehab regular and residual life of the party.
Charlie Sheen, meet Robbie Williams:
No, we're not talking about American comedian and actor Robin Williams; Brit Robbie Williams is definitely a different sort -- more like Charlie Sheen with better hair. Williams rose to fame as a singer-songwriter, but he could easily claim honorary membership in Sheen's "tiger blood" clan, thanks to his publicity stunts, substance-fueled shenanigans and amazing ability to evade blame for any of it.
Maria Menounos, meet Holly Willoughby:
America's sweetheart Maria Menounos reminds us of Britain's bubbly beauty Holly Willoughby. Neither woman has succumbed to the cheap thrills of celebrity, maintaining her "good girl" status while chugging steadily upward in the fame game. While Menounos plays host on "Extra" and will compete on the forthcoming season of "Dancing with the Stars," Willoughby dipped her toe into the talent-show game as host of "Dancing on Ice."
Jimmy Fallon, meet Alan Carr:
Funny guys always finish first in our book -- and that's certainly the case for Jimmy Fallon and Alan Carr. Carr got his start as a stand-up comedian before going on to host his own show, "Alan Carr: Chatty Man." Fallon similarly parlayed his success on "Saturday Night Live" into a name-in-the-title hosting gig with "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon."
Ryan Seacrest, meet Ant & Dec:
Ryan Seacrest has nothing on Britain's Ant & Dec. The showbiz duo have scored hosting credits on more than a handful of talent and reality shows and, like Seacrest, their vertically challenged statures often make them the butt of jokes -- Seacrest and Ant are 5'8" while Dec measures up at 5'6."