Pet Loss: What You Need To Know About Grief

By Vetstreet

Grief is a natural reaction to the loss of a cat or dog. It's hard to know how to cope with losing a four-legged member of your family, but knowing what to expect when the time comes can help you get through this painful and heartbreaking period.

Read on to find out how to help children handle their grief, what decisions you should make before your pet passes away and how vets deal with animal death.

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Comments

[Quinn Gosling]

04:18 PM on 05/02/2012

If you want to increase the chance your pets, no matter cats or dogs, be returned back to you after lost, do LICENSE and MICRO-CHIP them!!! Don't think it's not necessary, you really cannot know what accidents can happen. Yes, some microchip requires an initial fee or annual fee.
However, if you live in Los Angeles, you can get free microchips now from a nonprofit called Found Animals. Check it out http://microchipregistry.foundanimals.org/

[msfixit3325]

06:32 AM on 03/27/2012

My comment is to everyone who has ever had to deal with the "inevitable" decision regarding their beloved family pet and 4-legged family member. Many years ago I made a decision regarding any of my pets that had passed or were to be put to sleep, after I had to take care of the 'remains' of my son's cat that had passed away. Prior to taking him to the animal facility, I had put him inside a plastic bag [for transport purposes]; when I arrived they told me to drive around the back and the facility worker would take the cat from me. What she did next totally appalled me! I won't say on here what she did, but her actions at that time convinced me that from then on, any pet I had would be cremated when they died. I've had 3 pets cremated and have their ashes in their own small cedar boxes. The 1st one died in her sleep [I was with her the night b/4] and I was with the last 2 pets when their time came. I held them, kissed and talked to them as the procedure was done. My Cindy died in 2005, Spanky in 2009 & Scooter in 2011.Yes, it was hard to handle, but I vowed that any pet of mine would not die alone..I would be there with them..they deserved that much!

[Clara B Grimes]

01:35 PM on 03/27/2012

Thank you for sharing your heart felt story. I live in the county of SD we have a small animal shelter, one time like you I had a dog to die in the yard. I called the shelter, they told me "we do not come on your property to remove dead animals". You have to put the dead dog (I hate having to use that word dog and death) in the street, then we will come by and pick the dog up. Was he on crack? Put my dead pet in the STREET a dog I've had since a puppy and loved has died of only GOD knows what. God did come into the picture I know it was him that told me to call my local pet hospital. I did and the Vet told me to bring the dog to him and he would take care of my dog I did and for a small fee, he did.

[msfixit3325]

01:02 AM on 03/30/2012

Hello Clara, thanks for your comment. I know that most animal shelters will not come out to pick-up a deceased animal if it's on your physical property. That's because they consider it "private property" ~~ by placing it on the street as they suggested [I would never do that either!] then it's considered "public" property & they would come. You did the conscientious thing by taking your dog to the vet ~ at least he had been taken care of with some amount of dignity that he/she deserved. In addition, it helps to give you some kind of closure as well. To treat any animal ~living or deceased ~ like garbage is just downright immoral. In the city where I live, the animal control people will not come pick up a stray animal, it has to be confined in some type of enclosure or trap before they will pick it up. Nice to meet you on here and have a blessed day!

[hrtsvr1983]

05:57 AM on 03/27/2012

As I read most of these comments, I am reminded of the painful decisions I have made for 2 of my beloved dogs. I still have tears for them since they had no hope for survival. I did manage pain and spend money to maintain a quality of life that was not perfect, but tolerable. Since I foster and rescue, I have had many in my care. Dogs do let you know when it's time. It has been difficult to make these decisions, but in the end, I know they are right. I am always there to comfort them as they leave this place, which has left scars on my heart. I will always rescue until I physically cannot, as so many need homes and a chance to live a full happy life. The pain I suffer at the end will never replace the joy and blessings they bring to me everyday, no matter how long they are here. I will see them all again because in my heaven there are dogs.

[Clara B Grimes]

01:56 PM on 03/27/2012

hetvr1983, Yes I truly believe you 100% A dog will let you know when it's time. I only had one that did. He was my husband's dog. That dog loved my husband so much he would not take a whole chicken leg from me. He probably thought I was trying to poison him. Gave the bone to my husband and he acted like he had been starved for a month. One day, this dog that could do w/o me, came and put his head in my LAP I'm thinking, that's strange but I rubbed his head I loved him to it did not matter he preferred my husband over me. This was the first time he'd just come to me. Within one week, we found him dead in his doghouse, he went in head first and died with his rear hanging out. I thought he was just sleeping. I called him, then poked him and he did not moved. He had died. :(

[msfixit3325]

01:18 AM on 03/30/2012

Hello again Clara ~ Although this dog was more partial to your husband than to you; I believe by his actions toward you [before he died] that he was "acknowledging" you and you did matter to him. Sometimes it's strange to comprehend an animal's behavior towards different people within the same household.

In all the times that I've owned dogs, mostly the German Shepard breed, it's me that they have bonded with the most. I know it will sound strange, but it's because I'm the one that has always fed them. Was your husband always the one to feed this dog you mentioned? The first 2 German Shepards we had, they were both affectionate with both of us. Years later, after the divorce, Cindy was my last Shepard and all mine. I was 100% responsible for her care. I would have another GSD, without hesitation, if they were allowed in my mobile home park ~ unfortunately they're not. It's not only a dog that will let you know when it's time ~ it happens with cats too!

[Ossit]

04:12 AM on 03/27/2012

This doesn't have anything to with the physical loss of an animal but could someone give me some advice? I have a 10-year-old Chihuahua and for a couple years I went through some really bad stressful times. I don't do stress. I cried all the time and vented to myself and I scared my girl silly. She's about 90% rehabbed as things are getting better, but she and I aren't as close. I know dog's don't hate, but she has this aloofness about her now sometimes toward me, unless she wants something then she can't get enough of me. We used to be so close. Is it my residual moodiness that's putting her off that she senses even though I try to hide it? How do I get that last 10%? I want her to love me fully again and I'm afraid I've lost her. I love my girl so much. I talk to her, rub her back, rub her belly, treat her a lot, but she'd rather watch me from a distance or totally ignore me. What am I doing wrong?

[Clara B Grimes]

02:02 PM on 03/27/2012

Ossit, you comment did not fall on deaf ears, I read it but no possible answer. Maybe one of the other readers might have some idea of this behavior.

[Ossit]

07:09 AM on 03/28/2012

Thanks, Clara. I'll still look for answers so I can help my girl. In the mean time I'll be still trying to win her over. I won't give up on my honey bear.

[dslovejoy1]

03:21 AM on 03/27/2012

We can ease the pain of a pet by putting it down, yet we force humans to suffer. I wonder just how "humane" we really are.

[Clara B Grimes]

02:38 PM on 03/27/2012

dskicwhit1, this is just a somewhat joke. We do force humans to suffer (my dec'd husand now) When we are a young married couple, he could find a zillion things to do outside of the home. Basketball being the worst. He was in the Navy he loved himself some basketball. The game was tthe skins vs the shirts. Wellllll one night he came home and got the biggest CHARLLIE HORSE in his leg, the man was on the floor crying. He was calling me, Clara, Clara, I came saw him on the floor I said WHAT he said he needed help with that BIG agonizing painful cramp. Did I help NOPE, told him to call one of his basketball buddies. In this case I forced a human to suffer.

[Clara B Grimes]

02:50 AM on 03/27/2012

Hell to the NO (That's a Whitney Houston's saying) as far as turning to my friends. If you have friends like mine they don't give a rats behind, about me having to put my dog down. I'm a DOG lover from the word go. I've have lots of dogs, in my lifetime. On Feb 22nd of 2009, off the top of my head that date should be on a Sunday. I had to have my Rottweiller put to sleep when I took her to the Vet there was no dicussion about it. She was 10 yrs old. There was nothing the Vet could do but put her to sleep. She was so big she was lying on the floor. The Vet asked me if I wanted to see her go, one mind said yes but my stronger mind said no. I cried like we all do when we have to do this. At some point there is no going back she had lived a long wonderful life of love. A dog that is going to die and the Vet knows it, there is only one option. Put the dog to sleep. I paid to have her ashes scattered over a place called Shelter Island. I think it took me about two yrs B4 I could go in my backyard and not cry. Even today I still feel weird she's not out there.

[csunbean]

02:37 AM on 03/27/2012

Bans on pitbulls are for the Betterment of all. Those stuck in the ME, ME, ME place follow fads.. the man who committed suicide did not have to euthanize his pet. He did so because it was aggressive, he chose not to move, and he had mental health issues. Learn more about pitbulls and safety at www.dogsbite.org .. and get a hold of a copy of Mortality, Maiming and Mauling by Vicious Dogs, Annals of Surgery, April 2011. This study of dog injuries in hospitals found that you have a more than 2500 times higher chance of dying if attacked by a pitbull instead of a Labrador Retriever. Pitbulls don't bite. Normal dog bites usually don't even break the skin which is why the cops are not called. Pitbulls maul like a lion. The study also found that pitbulls are causing a person to lose a body part every four or five days now, and cause more loss of limb, permanent disability, facial mutiliation and death than any other breed. Don't get a pitbull. Realtiy t.v. shows are edited and sensationalized. It is the Breed. It is family owned and loved pitbulls with no history of abuse that turn on a dime and attack owners and family members. Remember Darla Napora the pregnant pitbull advocate from advocacy group called Bad Rap. She spoke all the pitbull propaganda denials too and she was killed by her loved and unabused pitbull. visit www.dogsbite.org & support pitbull VICTIMS.

[tulfs]

03:01 AM on 03/27/2012

Keep your propaganda, anyone who asks a vet knows what your full of. Why are they not banned by the AKC?One of these dogs is credited with saving a girl from a registered sex offender just last week. Why not save your outrage that he was allowed to walk the street?

[hsiashang]

04:41 AM on 03/27/2012

The real problem is pitbull owners who deliberately encourage aggressiveness in the dog to train it as a bodyguard or sport fighting dog. The combination of the breed's great strength and agility make it a lethal weapon when they are trained like this. These are the dogs that wind up mauling some child or adult that you read about in the newspaper. But a friend of mine has a pitbull/german shepherd mix that was raised with love and is the sweetest pooch I've ever met. A Ford truck is dangerous if driven by a careless and irresponsible person, but that does not justify banning all Ford trucks.

[Clara B Grimes]

03:58 PM on 03/27/2012

I don't know who to blame, but pitbulls are no longer allowed in military housing. I saw that on Animal Planet. This military man and his wife were shown on TV giving up their loved pitbull to the animal shelter. Why are you giving up this dog is one of questions asked by the Human Society.

[gooner65]

03:37 AM on 03/27/2012

my beloved pitbull passed many years ago he was the best friend anyone could have had!
he was not vicious he was trained properly any big dog can be trained to maul that is why pitbulls have a bad rap i would take an abused pit bull into my home any day

[Linda Taggart]

02:18 AM on 03/27/2012

i had to put down my lovely bella a 14.5 year old labrador. i didnt know i could feel such heartache and even now i cry thinking of her sweet gentle ways. i received so many notes-everyone loved her. it was time and i was there. i would never think of bringing a child to such an event-they will never forget it and sometimes things dont go as planned(i have had many animals). i think the idea isharmful and scary for a child or an adult. BAD IDEA

[deninsamattson]

02:08 AM on 03/27/2012

Thanksgiving 2010 I put my "BEST FRIEND" down to eternal rest.. My 17 yr old longhaired Black Cat "GIBB"... He stopped eating, drinking etc.. I did that thing with laxatives, and inject fluids under their skin for 4 days, last ditch effort to keep him going.. to no avail, Knew it was time when he just gave me "that look", brought him to the vet, they prepped him, t tube in his arm.. brought him in.... Held him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him, he purred... then the doctor injected him, as I felt him go limp... He's gone she said with the stethoscope... and even she started to cry, and quickly left me with him for 15 minutes as I held him still... I cried for a month after.. every time I came home and he wasnt there to greet me.... I would leave my upstairs apt sliding door open so he could get fresh air.. and he always meowed when I got out of the car...
It's hard..... now I'm used to.. even guilty of enjoying the freedom.. vacations, etc.. BUT I will eventually get another... 2 this time, preferably siblings.. and ONE has definitely got to be solid black... I LOVE BLACK CATS... LOVE YOU GIBB.... Til we meet again, at the "Rainbow Bridge".... =)

[tiredoftheblamegame]

12:57 AM on 03/27/2012

I recently had to put down my 16 1/2 year old dachshund "Oscar". It was one of most heartbreaking things I have ever had to do. Here was my baby. He had a lot of senior ailments he dealt with gracefully, arthritis, heart murmer, death, etc. But he was always willing to welcome me home with a big kiss and a "where have you been?" bark. He was on daily pain medication for his arthritis and even though it was painful for him to walk around, he never complained. I loved "Shorty" (his nickname) like he was my son. His last morning he had what appeared to be a stroke and didn't respond to anything. I took him to the vet the whole trip there he didn't move and was tough to get any response out of him. When decussing putting him down, "Oscar" looked up at me as if to say it's OK mom, I ready. Then laid back down and closed his eyes. I asked the vet if there was any hope he would inprove and the vet said it was very doubtful given his age and health history. So I made the decision to let him go. I still pine for my baby and when I enter my office and see his bed empty it still hurts. Oscar, Mommy misses you.

[NightShayde]

02:20 AM on 03/27/2012

I'm so sorry for your loss of your companion. It's never easy. I cry still over the passing of a client's pet, and I've been in the Veterinary profession for four years now.

The decision to euthanize is personal, and so emotionally charged, for both the owner and the person who cared for said pet at times.

So sorry for your loss of your Oscar, "tired". :(

[tiredoftheblamegame]

08:32 PM on 03/27/2012

thank you

[Charlotte Maestas]

12:55 AM on 03/27/2012

We had to put our kelly sue to sleep bc she had bone cancer I didnt want to do it but after.a week of hearing her cry every night due to the pain I knew was time my daughter.who was 14 at the time went and sat with her telling her.she was going to doggie heaven we had her cremated.then after a yr spread her.ashes where she would.love to play

[gemom1]

12:41 AM on 03/27/2012

When we had to euthanize our first dog when my children were very young, one of my thoughts were don't tell them that we had to put the dog to "sleep" because that can cause all kinds of images. Such as "if I get sick will they kill me too?" or they may have a hard time going to sleep thinking they were going to die. They knew the dog was very sick so we took them with to the vet but told them they had to wait in the waiting room. When we came out, we just told them that the dog had died. They asked to see the dog so we let them. We then took the dog home and buried her in our yard and said some prayers and shared our thoughts.

[billy6boy]

12:30 AM on 03/27/2012

The hard thing too do is not let your pet suffer any pain /if you pet is in pain its time ! you have too make sure you know it! and you will . you must make it time to allow them to go heaven . its hard very hard too some people to let go but you must for them . we have that choice as humans too help them not suffer any more.

[Ossit]

12:24 AM on 03/27/2012

I was at a halfway house and it was there that I was introduced to one of the others' hamster. I'd never seen a hamster. But he had already passed away. He asked if I wanted to come to his hamsters funeral. I did no one else did and he wanted me to give a eulogy. I never knew his hamster but I did anyway. It was a very serious thing to me because when I was a kid and had turtles and they passed, my friends would come to their funeral. My parents were sympathetic and insisted my turtles had funerals. My dad was raised with a dog, mom had a canary whom when he died I was heartbroken. My brother had a lizard. My brother has had dogs and cats. In my family, a pet was a member of the family. So much so that one Christmas my parents asked if I minded that our dog got her present first. It was tradition that the youngest get presents first. I said I had no problem. Pippin was the youngest, she was part of the family and I wanted to give her her Christmas present chew toy.

No pets are insignificant in raising and loss and kids should grieve. But the love must be continued on new ones, who aren't replacements just extensions of the love that has to be carried on. Gosh I'm getting misty-eyed.

[jrp1947]

12:24 AM on 03/27/2012

most people suffer guilt because they do not want to spend the money to extend life or put in the time with an aging animal. When an animal is ready to die they will signal it to you. I have only had to put two down and they made it clear they were tired of living in their old age. For all of them I have spent the money and taken the time to give them quality old age care and they all died naturally in their sleep with the exception of the other two. God gave these animals to me to befriend me, help me through hard times, and make my life better and i would feel guilty if i did any less for them. treated right both dogs and cats will give unconditional love regardless of what people say.

[Clara B Grimes]

03:46 PM on 03/27/2012

jpr1947, money when it comes to my pets seems not to make any difference. It sounds like you and I are (and I'm not speaking of our HP readers) in this day and time I'll go out on a limb and say most people can't affored the health care our pets need, it's a shame but true. My Yorkie Abbey just took to the Vet yestersay. She was born in 2001. Abbey though small is getting up in age.But I swear when she does go, she'll have the cleanest teeth ever. I think the dogs teeth which is so expensive to clean, need to be kept up also. Who wants to be old and toothless and have to gum their food. I know Abbey doesn't.