Huffpost Gay Voices

Dan Savage Answers Your Sex And Relationship Questions

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DAN SAVAGE
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Dan Savage, of "Savage Love" fame, is bringing his sex-and-relationship column to life with MTV show "Savage U." He tours various colleges in the United States, encouraging students from coast-to-coast to ask questions about love, sex and relationships. They have the choice of anonymity (as in the town hall Q&A sessions), or, if selected, they can appear on a segment of "Savage U" for all the world to see.

Savage was kind enough to answer some of your questions, submitted to the Huffington Post Gay Voices and the Huffington Post TV. The questions (and his answers) are below.

How do I get the person I like to notice me?
Don't wait for them to notice you. Walk up and say something -- "Hello, how are you, nice day, nice ass, nice whatever." You may be hanging back waiting to be noticed while this person does the same, i.e. stands there wondering what to do to get you to notice them. Now it's possible that this person has already noticed you, and isn't interested, which you'll find out pretty quickly once you walk up and start talking. You might get shot down. But better to be honestly and promptly rejected than to twist in the wind.

I'm a masculine, white gay guy who only likes other white masculine guys. I get called out on this sometimes -- but I can't help who I like. Does this make me an asshole or racist?
Not necessarily. You're entitled to your preferences -- but I hope your preferences are yours. I hope you've given your taste in men some thought and you can honestly say that these are your preferences, Masculine Man, and not just gay beauty ideals and/or masculinity standards that the culture stuffed down your throat and up your ass. And if they're your preferences, well, you're entitled to them. But you're not entitled to be an asshole about them. There's no need to put "Whites dudes only -- just my preference!" in your Dudes Nude profile, for instance; no need to put "No flamers, no fems -- if I wanted to be with a woman, I'd be with a woman!" in your OK Cupid profile. Don't insult people and then try to hide behind, "Just my preferences, bro." You can like what you like and be considerate at the same time.

I'm 19-year-old lesbian with a thing for straight porn. My new girlfriend is NOT happy about that because she's worried that it means I want to be with a guy -- or will want to at some point. I really have no interest in men, but I do find straight porn super hot. How do I convince her? Is this weird?
I can understand why your GF might be upset or suspicious, having just watched "The Kids Are All Right" for the third time. This is a problem that only the passage of time will resolve: if you stay together and you keep [sleeping with] her, and keep not [sleeping with] men, she may come to understand that you're not interested in men in reality, just in pornography.

Long-distance relationships, yay or nay? How do you make one work?
Remember the "don't ask/don't tell" policy? It prevented openly gay people from serving in the military -- and it's history. Obama signed the repeal of DADT into law last year. Since we don't need it anymore -- since the Marines don't need it anymore -- I think people in long-distance relationships should steal it. Adopt a DADT policy -- no asking, no telling -- during your time apart and then, once you get back together and a year or two has passed and you're sure you're going to stay together, get good and drunk and swap stories about the cheap and meaningless DFMOs you both enjoyed when you were long distance.

Why is it that women don’t believe it when the man says that they didn’t cheat on them?
Because people cheat -- men and women, but men cheat more. So women are more insecure about being cheated on, and may need a bit more reassurance. So reassure. If she won't take "not cheating on you" for an answer, and you're not giving her cause to think you're cheating (by acting shifty or, you know, by actually cheating), then dump her. No relationship can thrive if one person is constantly being forced to answer to false charges.

I contracted herpes about six years ago. I've only ever had one outbreak and I don't tell the guys I'm sleeping with that I have herpes because I figure a) most gay guys already have it and b) I don't have an outbreak so my partners are pretty safe. But I do feel guilty sometimes. Should I be telling them?
Yes.

For more from Dan Savage, visit his site, "like" him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.

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