Dear Susan,
I have 2 kids -- 6 1/2 and 5 years old. My husband works long hours and I am alone with them most of the time. It seems like all I do is scream and yell, because my stress level is so high. Money is short and I'm tired all the time. When something breaks down -- yesterday it was the dishwasher -- I fall apart in front of my kids. Now my children are hitting and having lots of meltdowns. What should I do to get a handle on things?
Signed,
All Strung Out
Dear All Strung Out,
One of the most challenging things about being a parent is the fact that our children are always watching us, taking their cues about how to handle life's ups and downs from what they see us doing. Whether we’re gripping the steering wheel at a red light because we're late for an appointment, or shouting at someone who took the parking space we had our eye on, their cameras are always rolling.
When we handle stress in unhealthy ways — with anger, blame, shouting and so forth — we teach our children to do the same. As hard as it is to manage life's difficult moments, your children are helping you see that it may be time to look for healthier ways to offload your stress. Here are some tips that should lighten your load:
- Simplify your life. Most of us take on more than we can handle, and then feel resentful about having said “yes” when we wanted to say “no.” Be brave about trimming your commitments down to those that are either essential or bring you satisfaction or enjoyment of some kind. It may be that you have to bow out of the PTA bake sale so you have time to walk with a friend once a week. Do it!
Life in today's fast-paced world can wear us down, causing us to be increasingly vulnerable to stress as we feel burdened by the never-ending demands placed upon us. Consider these tips, and take time to re-evaluate where you can make adjustments in your daily life that will help you handle those difficult experiences more easily. You'll not only be doing yourself a favor -- your children will benefit from seeing their mom take care of herself. You’ll show them that they too can learn to cope with life's frustrations in healthier ways.
Yours in parenting support,
Susan
Parent Coach, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and credentialed teacher. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.