Huffpost Weird News
Andy Campbell Headshot

Bacon Lube vs. Honey Lube Great Debate: Which Will You Take Into The Bedroom?

Posted: Updated:

Get your spandex and handcuffs out -- it's about to get real slippery in here.

There's been plenty of coverage about the morning-sex-inducing, bacon-flavored lube. But what about all the other greasy love products out there?

Today, a major rival will have its say in what could be the sexiest debate since Lincoln vs. Douglas in 1858. We're talking, of course, about Baconlube vs. Honey Lube.

Yes, the founders of each sexual condiment has decided to lube up and smack down to convince you, the reader, to take their product into the bedroom.

In one corner, there's Baconlube by J & D's Foods -- the result of an April Fool's joke gone viral. Co-founder Dave Lefkow said his product smells as wonderful as the morning waft of sizzling pork in the bedroom.

In the other, there's Honey Lube -- a sexy side project of Honey Care Products -- the brainchild of 20-year-old Maxx Appelman. It's got all the nutrients of honey, and all the fruit produced by the birds and the bees.

But don't take it from us. Make your decision below, read their arguments, and vote!

Step
1

Pre-debate poll:

Tell us your opinion before the debate starts to set the starting line

You'd rather bring Baconlube into the bedroom than Honey Lube.

Agree - Thanks for voting! Please proceed to read the debate below

Please vote to proceed to the debate

Step
2

Who makes the better argument?

Dave Lefkow Co-founder, J&D's Foods and its bacon-flavored lube

Why choose Baconlube over Honey Lube?

Honey is sticky. Bacon is greasy. That's a clear win for bacon. Besides, I have nothing against the makers, but if it says it's honey it should taste like honey, and theirs doesn't taste like honey. The same goes for bacon -- if it's bacon it should taste like bacon. Ours does.

Why is your product better to bring into the bedroom?

You like waking up and smelling bacon, just like you like waking up and patting your partner on the shoulder in the morning. We're packing morning sex and morning bacon into one awesome event. Bacon's good with everything.

Describe the taste of your product.

It tastes like the smell of frying bacon on a Sunday morning. It really brings out that alluring smell of bacon.

Describe the feel of your product.

Greasy, just greasy. It's like hot bacon grease without the burning sensation.

Who should use it?

Everyone who loves bacon -- which is everyone -- and everyone who loves bacon and also sex, which is also everyone. Everything should taste like bacon.

If you could have any spokesperson for your product, who would it be and why?

Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is not afraid of anything and dominates the internet, television and movies. If you cross him he will kick your ass.

Do you use Baconlube?

I'm using it right now, while we're talking.

Do your friends use it?

Regularly.

Where do you see Baconlube in 10 years, and why will it beat out Honey Lube on the market?

In 10 years there will be no other products on the market except for Baconlube. The taste of bacon destroys the taste of honey. Nobody ever says, "I want everything to taste like honey." Our path to sexual-lubricant domination is pretty clear.

What irks you about Honey Lube?

I just wanna punch that little bear in the face. Sex should not be cute. It's too cutesy. Bacon is for everyone. Honey Lube, well, it's just not an adult thing.

Tell us a little about how bacon has historically played a role in the bedroom.

They say that bacon was invented by the Chinese -- they were curing pork centuries ago. I would imagine throughout history there were key moments when Napoleon or other figures used products that incorporated bacon. They didn't have lube. They just had to use the greasiest products available to them and I imagine bacon played a part in that.

Maxx Appelman Founder, Honey Care Products and its honey lube in a bear bottle

Why choose Honey Lube over Baconlube?

Honey's sweeter than bacon. I don't think I would ever use Baconlube, but maybe for breakfast. Honey is a bit more of an aphrodisiac, and it's known to hold in water molecules and retain moisture.

Why is your product better to bring into the bedroom?

The health benefits. It is all natural, so you don't have to worry about any irritation or chafing or anything. It sounds nicer too -- "honey" is better than "bacon" in the bedroom.

Describe the taste of your product.

It has all the nutrients that honey has. There's no sugar or flavor of honey, but all the nutrients and natural benefits of honey -- a whole set of vitamins, aloe, moisturizers -- are there.

Describe the feel of your product.

Superior lubricity. It lasts a very long time, doesn't get sticky, and it mimics a woman's natural fluids. It almost just adds to natural feel. Smooth.

Who should use it?

Young couples, that's who we're going for. Young couples, women, maybe 25 to 35 years old. Older couples too -- they're known to have more vaginal dryness, it's a popular product for them too.

If you could have any spokesperson for your product, who would it be and why?

Jennifer Aniston. She's beautiful, natural and she comes off as smart.

Do you use Honey Lube?

Yes, I do.

Do your friends use it?

Everybody I know. Everyone uses it.

Where do you see Honey Lube in 10 years, and why will it beat out Baconlube on the market?

We're going for more than just a novelty brand. We're trying to create honey-based products with all the nutritional benefits of honey. We want to be the go-to honey company for things like shampoo, lotion, and oil. Customers will soon see that it's a lot more than just a bear bottle. What we're really selling is what's inside the bottle.

What irks you about Baconlube?

They don't really bother me too much, but I guess we just value the health benefits of our product. Baconlube is more of a novelty. The bacon flavor is a cute idea but I don't think it's up to par. It's a one-hit wonder. It's really just gross. Disgusting.

Tell us a little about how honey has historically played a role in the bedroom.

The honeymoon came to fruition during medieval times in ancient Persia -- they would drink "honey wine" or honey-infused mead consistently for one month after marriage to get in the mood and insure a happy life from then on.

Step
3

POST DEBATE POLL

Did one of the arguments change your mind?

You'd rather bring Baconlube into the bedroom than Honey Lube.

VIEW DEBATE ROUND 1 RESULTS

Agree - Thanks for voting again! Here are the results:

Before

After

moreless AgreeDisagreeUndecided

Dave LefkowMaxx AppelmanNeither argumenthas changed the most minds

Suggest a correction