Huffpost Women

VINTAGE LAUGHS: Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy

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“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”

“When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.”

“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.”

“If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.”

“Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you a long in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.”

“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.”

“If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking that, you can throw a real grenade at them.”

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