We thought that Ellen Degeneres had reached peak genius when she inserted herself into “The Bachelor: The Women Tell All.” However, the talk show host seems to have outdone herself again -- this time by narrating the bestselling (and by the author's own admission, not well written) erotic novel, “50 Shades of Grey.”
The book, originally conceived as "Twilight" fan fiction by author E.L. James, is about the relationship between billionaire Christian Grey and college student Anastasia Steele. The novel is known for its fairly explicit sex scenes, and it’s these bits that have piqued the interest of so many female readers. (If you want to get a taste, check out Buzzfeed’s round-up of the “15 Best/Worst Lines” from the book) However, when Ellen starts reading, she acts a little unprepared: “Oh my god -- I’m not gonna say that! … Is it OK if I paraphrase so that I don’t say the exact words …?” she asks.
Hilarity ensues. Ellen's "audiobook" involves sound effects she creates using a whip, chains, handcuffs … and a Paddle Ball game, as well as her promised attempts at "paraphrasing":
“He guides his hands across my … secret garden.”
“Suddenly he took out his … ball-peen hammer?”
“Panties.” (Embarrassed grin.)
and a little commentary:
“Well, I don’t think you should use a spatula for that.”
Ellen also leaves her audience with some important words to live by: “If you go to Anastasia’s house, don’t eat the pancakes.”
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