Cheating Texts: Does Sending Flirty Text Messages Constitute Cheating? (VIDEO)

Are flirty text messages a sign your spouse is cheating?

In the video above from Wednesday's episode of "Dr. Drew's Life Changers," Dr. Drew Pinsky talks to a woman, Violet, who believes her husband is cheating on her after discovering questionable text messages on his phone, including one where he tells another woman he loves her.

When her husband, Kurt, takes issue with his wife going through his cell phone, Pinsky offers the couple some general advice: "One of the things I always say is you really shouldn't have anything on your phone or on your computer that would upset your partner. That's a good rule of thumb for us all to live by."

That advice could prove vital in divorce court, where texts are increasingly being used as a form of evidence. A survey released by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) in February 2012 indicated that 92 percent of lawyers polled have seen an increase in the number of cases using evidence taken from iPhones, Droids, and other smart phones in the past three years.

"Basically, having evidence in writing is always the most effective proof in demonstrating that someone is being dishonest, contradictory, and lacks credibility," AAML president Ken Altshuler wrote in a blog on the Huffington Post. "Credibility is the coin of the realm in the world of family law. Once you can effectively question someone's credibility with their own written statements, then everything else can be doubted about them."

Related on HuffPost:

TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF CELEBRITY AFFAIRS:

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• QUESTION: Who did Kelsey Grammar have an affair with while married to Camille?

  <strong>a) Kathleen Robertson b) Kayte Walsh c) Kate Major d) Ramona Singer</strong>

• ANSWER: Kayte Walsh

  Kelsey Grammar and Kayte Walsh began dating <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2083272/Kelsey-Grammer-confesses-6-month-affair-Kayte-Walsh-leaving-wife-Camille.html?ito=feeds-newsxml" target="_hplink">six months</a> prior to his divorce from Camille. He and Kayte were married at the Plaza Hotel in February 2011.

• QUESTION: Which married actor was sued for allegedly transmitting the Herpes Simplex Virus to a cocktail waitress?

  <strong>a) Chevy Chase b) Eddie Murphy c) David Spade d) Robin Williams</strong>

• ANSWER: Robin Williams

  In 1986, Robin Williams <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1992/08/09/style/the-sexes-pillow-talk.html" target="_hplink">was sued by</a> Michelle Tish Carter for reportedly giving her Herpes during a sexual encounter two years earlier. At the time, Williams was married to Valerie Velardi.

• QUESTION: Which co-star did Jennifer Lopez reportedly have an affair with while married to Chris Judd?

  <strong>a) Ben Affleck b) Ice Cube c) Michael Vartan d) Richard Gere</strong>

• ANSWER: Ben Affleck

  Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,628191,00.html" target="_hplink">met on the set</a> of their 2003 film, "Gigli." She <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,628191,00.html" target="_hplink">reportedly</a> began introducing Affleck as her boyfriend three days prior to filing for divorce from Judd.

• QUESTION: Who stuck with her basketball star husband when he was accused of rape?

  <strong>a) Shaunie O'Neil b) Vanessa Bryant c) Juanita Jordan d) Khloe Kardashian</strong>

• ANSWER: Vanessa Bryant

  In 2003, Kobe Bryant had sexual relations with a Colorado hotel front-desk employee while married to Vanessa. The woman <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/02/national/02kobe.html" target="_hplink">accused Bryant of rape</a> but the charges were later dropped.

• QUESTION: Which late-night host allegedly had an affair with a former assistant?

  <strong>a) Jimmy Kimmel b) Conan O'Brien c) Jay Leno d) David Letterman</strong>

• ANSWER: David Letterman

  David Letterman and his assistant Stephanie Birkitt were <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/2009/oct/03/entertainment/et-letterman3" target="_hplink">reportedly lovers</a> during their time together at CBS. Letterman was married to Regina Lasko at the time. Birkitt's diary was at the heart of an extortion scandal in which former <em>48 Hours</em> producer Joe Halderman attempted to get $2 million from the late-night host.

• QUESTION: Who did Ali MacGraw leave Robert Evans for?

  <strong>a) Ryan O'Neal b) Robert Culp c) Paul Newman d) Steve McQueen</strong>

• ANSWER: Steve McQueen

  Robert Evans and Ali MacGraw were one of Hollywood's most famed couples; he was the head of Paramount Studios in the 1960s and 1970s and she was the star of the blockbuster film "Love Story". She left Evans after she fell in love with her co-star, Steve McQueen. <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2010/03/ali-macgraw-201003" target="_hplink">MacGraw married McQueen in 1973.</a>

• QUESTION: Who did LeAnn Rimes cheat on Dean Sheremet with?

  <strong>a) Dave Annable b) Bryan Greenberg c) Rob Lowe d) Eddie Cibrian </strong>

• ANSWER: Eddie Cibrian

  LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/InTheSpotlight/leann-rimes-affair-actor-eddie-cibrian/story?id=12032482#.TweSzGPLxNY" target="_hplink">began an extramarital affair</a> on the set of their Lifetime movie, "Northern Lights." After divorcing both their respective spouses, the pair married in a private ceremony in April 2011.

• QUESTION: Who was Tori Spelling married to while having an extramarital affair with Dean McDermott?

  <strong>a) Todd Meister b) Charlie Shanian c) David Katzenberg d) Brandon Jenner</strong>

• ANSWER: Charlie Shanian

  Tori Spelling and Charlie Shanian married in 2003. <a href="http://http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1117511,00.html" target="_hplink">They called it quits</a> 16 months later, after revelations of her affair with Dean McDermott surfaced. One month after their divorce was finalized, Spelling and McDermott married in a private ceremony.

Comments

[spartanladkenny]

06:20 PM on 05/29/2012

Texting someone "I love you" is definitely cheating. I can understand if someone has a sexual encounter (not that its justified) without emotions. But if your heart belongs somewhere else then you might as well move on. Life is short...do your spouse a favor and let them go if you don't love him/her instead of tagging them along while you suffer yourself.

[epotruchyeahright]

10:35 PM on 05/13/2012

There are thoughts and there are actions. Texting someone other than your spouse that you love him/her is an action based on thought, but it's entirely possible that more than thoughts are happening. So I'd have to agree that sexting and sexual messages are cheating. Not the end of the world, necessarily, but definitely time for a serious chat with your spouse.

[Jeanette Gabaldon]

01:50 PM on 05/13/2012

Personally, I learned to look for "How much attention does this man need?", when I started dating. Is he comfortable and accepting of himself? Or does he need constant ego-stroking? It goes both ways, though. Needy women are just as much as a pain. Every situation is different. But sexting is bad, bad, bad and contaminates any relationship if it isn't with each other.

[chrissf4529]

06:59 PM on 05/12/2012

Great old saying, " If the only thing keeping you from cheating, is fear of getting caught. Are you not guilty of cheating already". You should never want to cheat on your spouse. But, reality is,: When marriages were started, generally, you knew the same people, you were born, lived, married and died in the same villages. Exposed only to the same people. Generally married the best of a bad bunch. Not alot of temptation. So, we progreess, media, travel, we meet more people in one day, than our ancestors met in a year, decade.So, we are bound to meet others we are attracted to.

[LillyT]

10:34 AM on 05/10/2012

Husband and I are into our 4th month of very expensive therapy. According to our therapist the texting, emailing and phone calls my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend are all forms of cheating. They carried on for about 10 months secretly. It all escalated to them telling each other that they loved each other. Cheating.

If you can't tell your partner what you are doing - if you are sneaking around - if you are telling someone else that you love them - it is called cheating.

[Box500]

10:09 PM on 05/13/2012

Just get divorced already. Do it.

[Hugo Rabson]

11:54 PM on 05/18/2012

...Because taking unsolicited advice from people you've met on the Internet is much, much better than flirting with them.

[IrieMoon]

09:45 AM on 05/10/2012

It's interesting to me that the actual act of flirting via phone was not frowned upon but the act of not erasing evidence of the act was frowned upon.

So in other words, "Keep flirting, but make sure you erase the evidence so your spouse doesn't get upset."

[JZZe]

12:19 AM on 05/18/2012

so then...you become a cheat AND a liar!?

[rbearfield]

09:29 AM on 05/19/2012

well yeah, if someone would cheat they would lie about it. so by cheating they become a liar.

[DrJimmy]

09:39 AM on 05/10/2012

Maybe we should move from the act of sex texting to why sex texting. If someone is doing it that means something is wrong at home....

[MWB20]

10:15 PM on 05/10/2012

No, it means there is something wrong with the cheater--lying, sneaking, betraying, two-timing,

[DrJimmy]

01:45 PM on 05/15/2012

Oh stop your nonsense and think like an adult.

[Stagger Lee1]

08:59 AM on 05/10/2012

Emotional betrayal can sometimes be more hurtful than physical betrayal.

[Joe Verra]

09:54 PM on 05/21/2012

you are 100 percent correct!!!

[JolietJake Blues]

07:09 AM on 05/10/2012

Yes

[Chockolate]

07:05 AM on 05/10/2012

Cheating is touching toilet bits.

[IrieMoon]

09:46 AM on 05/10/2012

If you can't or don't want to tell your partner about it....it's cheating.

[RealistBC]

06:57 AM on 05/10/2012

Texting itself isn't cheating, but it isn't very smart for lots of non-sexual reasons.

[MWB20]

10:17 PM on 05/10/2012

It's infidelity, whatever the medium.

[RealistBC]

06:57 AM on 05/13/2012

Sez youse.

[omeo2013]

06:46 AM on 05/10/2012

It's cheating if you wouldn't tell your partner about it because you know they'd be upset.

[Assumed Name]

06:44 AM on 05/10/2012

...if you wouldn't show it to your "exclusive" partner, it's cheating. (And, not being a fool, I have looked at a bf's text messages.)

[PerryLogan]

06:33 AM on 05/10/2012

Text messaging flirty messages does not constitute cheating. I believe it's what they call "c--- teasing."

[Jarrod Putnam]

06:51 AM on 05/10/2012

Cheating isn't JUST physically mingling with someone other than your significant other. One can emotionally cheat on someone.

[PerryLogan]

07:03 AM on 05/10/2012

Perhaps, though it sounds a bit like "thoughtcrime."

[enhancedvibes]

07:21 AM on 05/10/2012

Exactly. I dont get why people think that sharing thoughts and feelings with another person isnt cheating. Sharing sexy/flirty texts with someone other than your committed partner is indeed a form of cheating, it's simply not a physical one.

[HellBank]

06:30 AM on 05/10/2012

I never look in a gf's phone, because I'm sure to see something I'll misunderstand.

[enhancedvibes]

07:23 AM on 05/10/2012

I think living with someone is different than just someone you called you g/f. There should be no secrets like that when living with someone in a committed relationship - no secret texts or secret emails. That is what Dr. Drew was talking about.

[LadyChef]

12:22 PM on 05/20/2012

Smart man.