Alimony: Women Increasingly Paying Alimony To Their Ex Husbands

By Patricia Reaney

NEW YORK, May 10 (Reuters) - Tables have turned in U.S. divorce courts with more women paying their former husbands alimony and child support than ever before, according to U.S. lawyers.

As women climb higher up the career ladder and outpace their exes in salary, when love goes wrong and marriages break up they are being compelled to contribute to the livelihood of their former spouses.

And some are not happy about it.

More than half, 56 percent, of divorce lawyers across the United States have seen an increase in mothers paying child support in the last three years and 47 percent have noted a hike in the number of women paying alimony, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

"It shows that women have really moved up financially and that in many instances they are the major bread winners in a lot of families," said Alton Abramowitz, the president-elect of the academy.

"The glass ceiling has been pierced and more and more women have taken over the financial responsibilities and have been saddled with them as well. It is a fact of the way our society has evolved over the last number of years."

Abramowitz, who has been practicing law for 39 years, described the findings of the survey and the changed role of women in the workforce as a sea change.

In his graduating law school class of 135, there were just six women. Data from the Digest of Education Statistics show that the number of men and women receiving medical degrees in the U.S. is almost equal, unlike 1980 when only about a third of medical degrees were awarded to women.

The number of women getting law degrees has nearly doubled.

"You are seeing the results of that, the impact, now in terms of the professions," Abramowitz said.

Although women have made strides professionally, the divorce rate in the United States has remained fairly constant. About half of marriages in the United States end in divorce. The rate has hovered between 46 and 53 percent for decades, he added.

Just as many men grumbled about paying alimony to their former wives, women are not pleased with the turnaround.

"We see women who are every bit as angry as their male counterparts, maybe more so, when they are confronted with the concept of paying spousal support to a man," said Abramowitz.

The gender switch in alimony payments is just one of many changes he has seen during his four decades as a lawyer.

"When I started practicing in 1973 there was no equitable distribution of property," he said.

The 1,600 members of the Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers handle separations, prenuptial agreements, custody battles, property evaluation and division, the rights of unmarried couples, as well as divorce and child support.

(Editing by Christine Kearney)

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Comments

[SWFL FAR]

01:01 AM on 06/19/2012

It is time for the family law lawyers to stop hiding behind the law to make money and to help us change the laws to prevent anymore of our citizens to suffer from Permanent Alimony. We must all unite to fight for justice. Support Alimony Reform !

[Spartan112]

09:14 PM on 05/14/2012

Alimony is an outdated construct. A remnant of a patriarchal society. Honestly, anyone that takes it (accept in extreme cases) should be embarrassed. Stand on your own two feet. Why should you "maintain the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed"? You became accustomed because you were married, that has changed, your whole life has changed.

[rrmunozjr]

02:57 PM on 05/14/2012

If this is, in fact, a real trend, then it is a good thing. Family law and the division of marital assets and child support should not be ruled by bygone gender standards. Fairness and equity are the rules under which the courts should operate. If women are the earners and the male partner is the supporter, then why shouldn't he be eligible for the same standards of support and division of assets that a woman in that position should expect?

Having said that, being somewhat old-school myself and the equity of my divorce situation not having been one of her out-earning me, I would rather have choked on a rock than to have demanded or accepted alimony from my former wife.

[rbspickles]

09:14 AM on 05/14/2012

It happened to me and it was 12 years ago. I guess I finally made my mark in the world. Sorry ladies.

[lizp33558]

07:11 AM on 05/14/2012

If the man has the chidren and is raising them , i dont have a problem with child support, it just depends.

[Tomfreeusa]

10:40 PM on 05/12/2012

I am not going to gloat over women being made to pay alimony and losing their property. Rather this is a time to be totally disgusted over the high handed way family law courts act. Just as men of means have been stripped of their hard earned assets, women who have wealth are getting plundered. This has to be ended. One way would to restore the right of trial by jury. Change the law where only what assets were accumulated in the marriage can be considered as martial property.

Personally if I had that level of wealth and sensed that a divorce was coming, I would shift all liquid assets to overseas accounts in nations that have bank secrecy laws. I dont know why the financial advisors for people with large assets are not advising them to send assets offshore.

[goodguy66]

12:10 AM on 05/12/2012

Even though certain women, usually those who are white, affluent, and highly educated, may be making some inroads on the equal pay front, in most cases, husbands outearn wives or have the potential to do so. In most cases, too, women have custody of children in the wake of divorce. So, because of income disparity and bearing the responsibility of housing, raising kids, alimony paid to women can be essential for her family's survival. Are the men who receive alimony from their ex wives the primary caregiver for their children? I would like to think so, but somehow, I doubt it.

[Aravind Sivaramapanicker]

04:07 AM on 05/12/2012

Terms and conditions of marriage including alimony has to be mutually agreed in a contract if it has to be enforced. Government has no right to impose any "default" terms and conditions of marriage. You seem to be really disturbed that men are also getting some equality that the feminist version of "equality". No one deserves alimony by default unless there is a mutual contract mutually agreed (not imposed by government)...if you wish to do charity to divorced women....do it with YOUR OWN MONEY....YOU IN A VERY EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE WAY TOLD THAT WOMEN DESERVE ALIMONY BECAUSE THEY ARE WOMEN

[goodguy66]

06:54 PM on 05/12/2012

It has nothing to do with gender or emotional manipulation, so unbunch your panties and stop trying to impose some self serving subtext on what I posted. Bottom line when it comes to alimony..it should be paid to the parent whose earning potential is less, especially if that parent also has primary custody of kids. The fact that it's frequently, and certainly historically, women who fall into those categories, means that they should be the recipient. It's not about siding with so called feminists, it's about a little thing called reality. Deal with it.

[sjaent2001]

09:18 PM on 05/11/2012

"""Alimony: Women Increasingly Paying Alimony To Their Ex Husbands. Tables have turned in U.S. divorce courts with more women paying their former husbands alimony and child support than ever before, according to U.S. lawyers."""

When it comes to matters of law, it is upto lawyers to turn tables, pull the rug from the feet, make loosers winners and winners loosers, so and so. This is the turn of tables in the traditional institution of marriage, it would be followed by, as someone wrote in a comment, the sanctity of divorce, and now to the new preference that our CE/BHO has expressed, as part of his own evolution of the institution of marriage. It falls under the domain of LAW and the LAWYERS and Tables Turns and MONEY FLOWS OUTWORDS OR LAW-WARDS . and on top of that IT GETS TAXED.?? confused

[Baldheaded Fool]

08:50 PM on 05/11/2012

I haven't witnessed this at all in texas, which bends over backwards for women anyway. everyone man i know who got divorced is paying child support/and or alimony. 99% of the time women still get the far better end of the deal. just ask vanessa bryant and linda evangelista.

[Therealbrighteyes]

11:47 PM on 05/11/2012

You aren't in Harris County then. Also, Vanessa Bryant is in California which has very different family court laws than Texas and Linda Evangelista is in New York but not getting alimony at all in that they were never married. Her son is getting child support as the biological son of the 5th richest man in the world deserves. You cite examples of the top 1% and assign them to all cases. I can assure you, I know that divorces are financially destructive to both sexes.

[lizp33558]

07:14 AM on 05/14/2012

Thats's crap in most cases women do not get the better end of the deal.....

[Greg Albright]

02:49 PM on 05/16/2012

In the mediation process (which is required... I don't know why huffpo bloggers keep saying it is optional...) they will try and bully the man into taking care of the woman. All a man has to do is say no, and stop paying the bills, and totally cut her off, and drag the divorce out for a couple of years.

Eventually, she will accept nothing as her settlement.

HuffoPo likes to pretend that being the defendant in a divorce doesn't give a guy massive leeway to be a total prick and cut the lady off, liquidate all assets, default on the house and car loans. But the process basically entitles men to totally cut women off.

This is the number one reason I tell men to not share a bank account with their SO, it makes it easier to cut them off.

[John Bobrowski]

04:24 PM on 05/16/2012

Most cases is something about which no one here as a metric.

But, perhaps and inference can be drawn that the spouse who has the most parenting time and/or child custody gets the better end of the deal. Courts seem to "bundle" child support, asset division and spousal support with an eye towards children's best interests -- which in practice becomes the best interest of the spouse with the children.

[belldn3]

08:45 PM on 05/11/2012

Good for us men.

[Tracy Shriver]

08:02 PM on 05/11/2012

I pay spousal support to my ex-husband and receive no child support from him even though I have primary custody. I don't begrudge paying him at all. He supported my career while he was a stay at home dad and he doesn't have the earning power I do. Subsidizing his income so he can live a better lifestyle is what is right, not only for our children but also because without his support I wouldn't have the career I do. The reasons we divorced are immaterial - he is a good father and was a good husband until . . .

[goodguy66]

12:21 AM on 05/12/2012

Oh, Tracy, you got railroaded and youre letting your well intentioned yet misguided pride convince you otherwise. If you, as a woman, stood in most courts, and told the judge that you wanted your husband to have primary custody of your kids while you contributed nothing to their support and collected an alimony check because you supported his career by previously staying home with the kids, you'd be openly derided as a bad mother and a selfish moneygrubber. It's nice of you to throw your ex a financial bone every month, but it's enabling an emotional toddler who should want the funds he needlessly receives from you to be put toward the welfare of his children.

[Tracy Shriver]

11:35 AM on 05/12/2012

I have to disagree. Our wage disparity is huge and I am more than capable of supporting my household. The small amount he receives is the difference in our children spending time with their father in a home vs. a low rent apt. From a legal standpoint he would easily have been entitled to much more. He was out of the workforce for several years while he took care of our home and family. It takes time to regain his footing. And he is very supportive of our children, to his own detriment. I don't doubt some folks take advantage, but truly that is not the case here. If our roles were reversed no one would bat an eye at providing a former stay at home mother with a period of support. Rather than us exchanging checks (spousal support for child support) we netted the two together. He is a good father and ex husband. He is not taking advantage of me in any way, I promise you.

[No7]

07:54 PM on 05/11/2012

...but usually not.....stay single and keep your stuff. Marriage these days is financial suicide and the only people that benefit from weddings are caterers and divorce lawyers....sad but true...

[ebby811]

07:04 PM on 05/11/2012

Right now I make 10 a hour. Yes a college student and one day will be making 25-30 a hour and I will not date or marry a guy who is not equal or higher in education and pay. I am a women and believe a man should be lead anyway I would never pay a guy anything aka moving out of the country!

[Gblr]

09:07 PM on 05/11/2012

freeloader

[politicsathome]

08:30 AM on 05/16/2012

Please consider taking an English language course.

[Swimdude]

06:21 PM on 05/11/2012

According to a study by the Pew Charitable Trust, 22 percent of men made less money than their wives in 2010. So men made more money in 78% of the cases.

Now get this: 60% of all child abuse is committed by women with sole custody.

In America, men are forced to pay around 40% of their income to ex-wives, regardless of wrongdoing on the woman's parts (often called "no-fault" alimony). She could commit adultery and beat her husband or kids, and none of it will influence the court's decision.

If women want Equal? I say, Pay Up! Men have been shafted in Divorce for 50 years, frankly it's about time the tables were Equal at least...

[Therealbrighteyes]

11:55 PM on 05/11/2012

You want to go back to "fault" divorces? That's going to be interesting. Cite your sources that men pay 40% of their income? Actually they pay a percentage to raise their children and in some states another percentage to support their ex, something I am not in total agreement with. You can't lump child support and alimony together. Raising a child costs tons of money and frankly costs a whole lot more than what most non-custodial parents pay. I would be thrilled to only pay 25% vs. the actual cost of raising them!

[coptic777]

03:28 AM on 05/12/2012

One name google "Lenore Weitzman" & "Post-Di%orce Wealth Gap Was Wrong, Agrees Author" This shatters your entire argument about both women & divorce. 70% of divorces are initiated by women & it's not for abuse or cheating mostly. It's because they benefit. Google "myths about divorce" numerous studies pop up. Checkmate.

[Swimdude]

11:51 PM on 05/14/2012

My contention is that since Marriage is a binding Financial Contract when it goes before the courts. Then Yes, I believe that there should be Fault found in Divorce. My x-wife cheated on me for 9 years of our 11 year marriage.

It didn't stop her from getting 50% of the marital assets and because of a quirk in the timing of the distribution of the assets she basically got 66% of the marital assets. During our marriage I earned over 75% of the assets, yet in the end, I was left with approximately 34% of the assets. In addition, because my x-wife really didn't want to raise a Child, I now raise a child on my own also.

She agreed to joint custody, but didn't really want the problems associated with raising a child, she did it for "Wait for it" "The Money".

So, yes, I believe there is fault in divorce....

[gardenmom]

05:08 PM on 05/11/2012

i know some single fulltime dads, mothers are deciding to run and flee instead of the man. its a social change that woman are in the possition to be either in power in the workforce or the dead beat mom. so many options..... divorce needs to be made harder to get and people need to not jump into marrage

[tkswilsonall]

05:51 PM on 05/11/2012

A female relative of mine did that. Had an affair, left her husband and 2 sons, married the lover, let the Dad have the boys, and went on her merry way. Very sad.

[Therealbrighteyes]

11:57 PM on 05/11/2012

If it's only consolation, I have never seen these types of situations work out well and the Karma bus runs them over, pulls forward and backs up again.