It has been a dramatic year for Evelyn Lozada, the star of VH1's hit show "Basketball Wives."

Between her highly publicized feud with her former best friend, Jennifer Williams, to throwing a bottle at cast-mate Kenya Bell following a heated argument, to the petition boycotting her "violent outbursts" on the show, season four has been the reality star's most intense one yet.

But when Star Jones called Lozada out on Twitter and her own step-daughter started imitating the scene in which Lozada threw a bottle at Bell, the Puerto Rican reality star says it woke her up to the fact that she's not setting a good example to young girls. And after taking a good hard look in the mirror, Lozada realized it was time to change.

In a letter Lozada shared exclusively with The Huffington Post, she apologizes for her destructive behavior on the show, reflects on issues of self-esteem and the effects of her upbringing on her behavior, and acknowledges her mistakes. She opens up about feeling "painfully small," and recalls the days when she "drowned out the fighting and drama" in her house as a child.

Read Evelyn's heartfelt letter below.

From the Desk of Evelyn Lozada

Dear Mija,

In exactly twenty-nine years you’re going to find yourself at the middle of a mess that you unwillingly helped to create... You’re going to be the topic of a discussion about women on a national level that won’t be one of your proudest moments. And as large as your life may be at that time, the truth is that you’re going to feel painfully small.

You’ll look through the rearview mirror of your life and see a mountain of mistakes. You’ll realize that although it appears that you’re living out a dream, your seven year old self could never picture this near nightmare at thirty-six. You’ll remember the days when you drowned out the fighting and drama in your own house and the negativity of the women you loved who ultimately shape who you will become. You’ll recall the moments when you sat in front of the television each day after school in search of someone positive and found Oprah and wondered if people like her would ever be a part of your life, or if you’d always have the jaded ones you watched on Jerry Springer.

You’ll make no excuses for your actions, as a matter of fact, you’ll find yourself in tears at the Ah-ha moment Star Jones forces you to have. Beyond what you’ll initially perceive as a malicious attack by Star, lives a hard truth that will shake you to your core. YOU are the little girl, she’s talking about. And it hadn’t dawned on you the effects that your grown-up actions were having on the next generation of little ones who watch negative and abusive moments unfold on television.

It’ll take the moment when you see and hear your future step-daughters pretending to be “you” after watching you behave badly on T.V., that you’ll actually feel real shame. Knowing that the self image they were imitating was the very ‘image of self’ you will so desperately try to escape. In utter embarrassment you’ll find yourself explaining your unacceptable behavior to them, reaching for the imprint of encouragement felt by Star, Oprah, our First Lady Michelle Obama and other positive women of color that have gone before you and that are prayerfully standing behind you...encouraging you...willing you to stand in the space God will so graciously provide for you." It’ll be the wakeup call you need.

Until now, you’d never put a race, or face or even an age to the eyes that idolize you or see you as an example: be it good or bad. And although, conscious now, you’ll carry the fear of failure with you each second because deep down, you’ll realize that you yourself had never been taught better.

I cannot promise you perfection, Mija. I cannot say that overnight, I’m going to get it right every time. What I will promise you is that I will always remain conscious that little eyes like yours are watching me and because of that, I will try to be better.

Learning To Love You More,

Evelyn

What do you think about Lozada's letter? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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  • Sony Ericsson Open Kick-Off Party - Arrivals

    MIAMI BEACH, FL - MARCH 23: Evelyn Lozada attends The Sony Ericsson Open Kick-Off Party at LIV nightclub at Fontainebleau Miami on March 23, 2010 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images for Sony Ericsson)

  • At Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011

    NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 07: Evelyn Lozada attends Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011 at The Mandarin Oriental Hotel on March 7, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

  • With AOL At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: Evelyn Lozada poses with AOL at the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AOL)

  • At Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011

    NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 07: Evelyn Lozada attends Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011 at The Mandarin Oriental Hotel on March 7, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

  • With AOL At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: Evelyn Lozada poses with AOL at the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AOL)

  • With AOL At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: NFL player Chad Ochocinco Johnson and Evelyn Lozada poses with AOL at the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AOL)

  • At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: NFL player Chad Ochocinco Johnson and Evelyn Lozada attend the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images for Maxim)

  • In this publicity image released by VH1, from left,Jennifer Williams, Royce Reed, Erikka Moxam, Shaunie O'Neal, Evelyn Lozada, Suzie Ketchem and Gloria Govan pose together to promote their reality series, "Basketball Wives," airing on VH1. (AP Photo/VH1)

  • Motorola Xoom At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: NFL player Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada pose with Motorola Xoom at the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Gary Miller/Getty Images for Motorola Xoom)

  • Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011

    NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 07: Evelyn Lozada, Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief Kate White and athlete Chad Ochocinco attend Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011 at The Mandarin Oriental Hotel on March 7, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

  • Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011

    NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 07: Evelyn Lozada attends Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Males Of 2011 at The Mandarin Oriental Hotel on March 7, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

  • AOL At The Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom

    DALLAS, TX - FEBRUARY 05: Evelyn Lozada poses with AOL at the Maxim Party Powered by Motorola Xoom at Centennial Hall at Fair Park on February 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for AOL)

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