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Revenge Poems From Babies

Posted: Updated: 06/06/2012 10:56 pm

Revenge Poetry For Babies

Iʼm Not Okay

When I bonk myself really, really hard
on the edge of the coffee table…
When I fall down ʻcause Iʼm just learning to walk
and Iʼm still not that steady on my feet…
When I slip off the swing ʻcause you were checking your iPhone
and not watching me as carefully as you should have…
Guess what?
That shit hurts!!
Youʼve got to know it does.
So why is your first reaction always,
“Youʼre okay! Youʼre okay!”?
Do you honestly think youʼre gonna trick me into thinking I didnʼt just
get an enormous goose egg on my forehead?
Or that my knee isnʼt gonna bleed like a mother-fucker?
Or that the bruise on my elbow is just a smudge of dirt?
When was the last time you smacked a vulnerable part of your
anatomy against a hard unforgiving object?
It HURT, right?
Now imagine everyone around you just dismissing your pain
with an idle wave of the hand and a pat on the head and an
“Oh, youʼre okay.”
And, even though you actually felt the lump rising on your head and
in your throat, you had to smile gamely through your discomfort,
because you could see that everyone was just so invested in
your not crying or making a fuss?
If you understand a fraction of what Iʼm trying to tell you,
then you understand that “okay” is exactly what I am not.
However…
I wouldn't say no to a lollipop.

Copyright © 2012 by Suzanne Weber. Excerpted from "To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born? Revenge Poetry For Babies And Toddlers," by Suzanne Weber. Published by Atria Books.

FOLLOW PARENTS

Babies might not be able to articulate themselves very well -- but don't be fooled. They're onto you. In a new poetry collection, "To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born? Revenge Poetry for Babie...
Babies might not be able to articulate themselves very well -- but don't be fooled. They're onto you. In a new poetry collection, "To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born? Revenge Poetry for Babie...
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10:48 PM on 06/07/2012
this is one of my poems. fan me if you like it. thanks :)

Unbrakeable
hey you
with the know it all smile
who do you think you are
pushing me around
but all I see is sunshine
you can stab me
with your words
I don't feel a thing
I am that dog you kicked
thats come back to bite you
I won't cry
you can't hurt me
I'll rise out of the ashs
because I am strong
tough
beautiful
amazing
unbrakeable

thanks for reading!:)
09:58 PM on 06/07/2012
I love that! I wirte revange poems and songs, and thoose are pretty good.
02:44 PM on 06/07/2012
Very cute... I might have to pick this up!
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HekmagaJuximaxx
Shish Kebab, anyone?
02:07 PM on 06/07/2012
You guys put up that poem on purpose, especially in light of the weeks events in Canada. That's not right, and you ought to be ashamed.
01:37 PM on 06/07/2012
I like the concept and it's funny, but these aren't really poems. I'm assuming the actual book has more poems with rhyme and structure
01:13 PM on 06/07/2012
I have a 2 day old granddaughter that is probably being swaddled in a blanket right now.
I need to go rescue her ASAP!
11:44 AM on 06/07/2012
Absolutely funniest thing I've read in weeks, right up there with Honest Toddler. Loved "Where are my hands?".
04:14 AM on 06/07/2012
That is just funny, but true in some instances.
Like the title of the book too.