We'd be worried about Joe Schwenk's career as a Hamptons "house watcher," if we didn't think he could probably be a successful comedy writer. Shwenk is a third generation Hamptons native who has garnered a large following for his dispatches from the land of Gatsby via the hilarious @HamptonsBorn handle. Think a kind of Fucked In Park Slope or New York Shitty for New York's uber-rich summerers (aka "citiots" or "hedgies") out in East Hampton, Southampton, Sag Harbor, and Montauk.
Our hero denied an interview to The New York Post, and only granted one to Daily Intel via Twitter direct messages. (He has to maintain the client base he ridicules.) Asked to describe himself, he replied, "Mid 30s guy who, along his brother and two others, help the rich and helpless transition from concrete to grass."
Schwenk's descriptions, yes, make the Hamptons sound like a spoiled rich kids' summer camp full of helpless one percenters-- after all, "No man is a hero to his valet"-- but oh wow what a nice summer camp it would be. Yachts, beaches, mansions, fireworks, seafood dinners... Sigh.
Here are some of our favorite @HamptonsBorn tweets: