Your dad might not be a Wall Street banker, a NASA astronaut or a humble editor at The Huffington Post. One thing, however, is probably true: He's a lovable goofball.
And lovable goofballs deserve goofball gifts, like a life-size horse-shaped lamp, a portable beer belly (to smuggle beer into a public place, or a Yoda robe.
That's just one of the many unbelievably strange Father's Day gifts HuffPost Weird News has lined up in our annual gift guide -- a celebration of the Homer Simpson in your papa.
Some dads like to drink. That's a fact. And some are so bent on sudsing it up that they are willing to let people think they are fatter than they really are just as long as they can keep their precious alcohol close to them. That's how it works with the <a href="http://www.bigkitchen.com/product/Cooler-Fun-Beerbelly-80-Ounce-Adjustable-Stealth-Drink-Cooler-466868/Seasonal-Fathers_Day" target="_hplink">Beerbelly,</a> which holds 80 ounces of booze in a pouch that is so camouflaged that most casual observers will simply assume Dad has gained six inches around the middle or is pregant.
Daddy Diaper Toolbox
Just because the dad is not technically a dad yet is no reason to ignore him on Father's Day. <a href="http://www.giftsfordadtobe.com/Articles.asp?ID=251" target="_hplink">The Daddy Diaper Toolbox</a> provides all the tools that a new papa needs to help around the house while giving him a subtle clue that dignity, at least temporarily, isn't the only thing he'll have to flush down the toilet. Each kit includes useful items like goggles for errant urine blasts, nose and ear plugs and a biohazard bag.
Lifesized Horse-Shaped Lamp
What do you get the dad that has everything? How about a<a href="http://www.olighting.com/moooi-horse-floor-lamp.html" target="_hplink"> lifesized horse-shaped lamp,</a> a veritable steal at a mere $7,981. It's sure to be a conversation piece, even if the only conversation is, "Why did you get me that thing?"
What does your dad really want for Father's Day? Perhaps he simply wants to look more ridiculous than he already does. If that's the case, there's <a href="http://solowheel.com/about/" target="_hplink">the Solowheel,</a> a transportation device for the people who think the Segway isn't nerdy enough. To be fair, unlike the Segway, people who use the Solowheel have to be physically agile since balancing on one wheel is difficult under any circumstances, so you might want to wait until your brother gives Pop his usual "Beers of the World" 12-pack before springing this on him.
Fake Golf Club That Holds Alcohol
One bad thing about golf is the long wait to the 19th hole to get drinks. Another problem is the high price of the drinks. The Golf Klub Kooler Klub deals with both of those problems by allowing Dad to carry up to 48 ounces of booze (or other liquid) in a cooler that looks like a golf club and fits just as well into a bag.
Hot Dog Ear Buds
As much as dad may enjoy listening to music on his iPod, those earbuds that come with the product lack style, panache and mustard and onions. Surely, he will relish the chance to wear these Hot Dog Ear Buds which allow him to silently tell the world, "I have no shame."
Political Party Steak Branding Irons
Despite the political divide that separates much of America today, most people, regardless of party affiliation, would rather have a red steak than a blue steak. So how can Dad force his political views on the guests at his Father's Day barbecue? With these <a href="http://www.greatgiftsformen.com/Political-Party-Steak-Branding-Irons-p-648.html" target="_hplink">Political Party Steak Branding Irons</a> that allow people to sear their party loyalty onto each cut of meat.
Look, the obvious thing is to try and write this entry in Yoda's voice, but, at this point, that's only funny to a few geeks -- exactly the people who would wear <a href="http://www.80stees.com/products/Yoda-Bathrobe.asp" target="_hplink">a bathrobe</a> that resembles the Star Wars character. People like your dad.
Lollipops are usually marketed to kids, but fathers with a sweet tooth may enjoy the flavors marketed by <a href="http://www.lollyphile.com/collections/all" target="_hplink">Lollyphile.</a> These aren't kiddie-oriented. Instead, you get absinthe-flavored suckers, as well as Bellini, Green Tea and Bacon Maple. However, the most popular flavor is Sriracha (pictured here), an Asian hot sauce. Whether you want to try licking these pops while you have Asian food is up to him.
Toilet Seat with Steer Head Skull
If a man's home is his castle than the toilet seat is his throne. Sadly, most "thrones" are boring porcelain white and lack the oomph that can only be offered by <a href="http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Decorative-Polyresin-Toilet-Seat-with-Steer-Head-Skull/3450314/product.html" target="_hplink">a lid that features the skull of a steer head.</a> Pop will appreciate your thoughtfulness every time he forgets to put the lid down for Mom.
How To Sharpen Pencils
No matter how old a father is, it's never too late to learn a skill. <a href="http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/How-to-Sharpen-Pencils-Hardcover/6111552/product.html" target="_hplink"><em>How To Sharpen Pencils</em></a> is a manual that can help your dad with some basic job retraining that could pay dividends if there's a sudden demand for pencil sharpeners. At the very least, you're giving the old man a chance to make corny jokes about having too much lead in his pencil, and that's a gift that keeps on giving.
These days, everybody has a tattoo -- usually on a discreet body part which people will gladly be indiscreet about if you just ask. So far, the tongue has avoided the tattoo treatment because putting a needle there is potentially dangerous. However, <a href="www.tungtoos.com" target="_hplink">Tung Toos</a> allow Dad to express himself the way he'd like -- with his tongue. Oh, and they taste like candy.
Golf Club Bottle Opener
Golf may keep some dads away from their kids, but, hey, it makes it easy to buy them gifts such as this <a href="http://eco-artware.com/catalog/TC38-golf-club-bottle-opener.php?c=menAcc" target="_hplink">golf club bottle opener,</a> which uses real (and real old) golf clubs as the base. Sure, at $75, the price is pretty steep, but when you see your father's drunken grin and a trail of broken beer bottles behind him, you'll know you did a good thing.