By: Natalie Wolchover
Published: 06/14/2012 02:44 PM EDT on Lifes Little Mysteries

A typical Hollywood alien is "soft, squishy and big on mucus," in the words of Seth Shostak, senior astronomer at the SETI Institute in Mountain View, Calif. These sci-fi lumps of goo are inclined to abduct us, probe us, hover above us and even walk among us (in disguise, of course). But far beyond Hollywood's limited scope, aliens might really exist. What are they like, and how would they actually handle a human encounter?

Astrobiologists have deduced a few answers by combining their knowledge of life on Earth with their understanding of the cosmos as a whole. Their profile of ET might not be what you expected.

1. They won't come in peace

The renowned physicist Stephen Hawking once famously warned that humanity's efforts to radio communicate with extraterrestrials could be endangering us. If the aliens that detect our signals are technologically capable of coming here — proof that they are far more advanced than we — "I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans," Hawking said.

But how can we know the first thing about ET's behavior, be it malevolent or otherwise? Shostak said we need look no farther than Earth. Aggression evolved as a trait among Earthlings because it helps us obtain and protect resources. Though aliens would have arisen and evolved under totally different conditions, pressure to secure finite resources would probably have molded their behavior, too. "I suspect resources would be finite anywhere in the universe," Shostak told Life's Little Mysteries.

2. They didn't put us here

A popular fringe theory holds that humans are alien's gift to Earth. Some people say we were delivered here during a near pass of a life-bearing planet called Nibiru. This alleged planet, which has not actually been observed by astronomers, is said to skirt the edges of the solar system and swing inward from time to time. [A Field Guide to Alien Planets]

"I get emails every week saying that Homo sapiens are the result of alien intervention," Shostak said. "I'm not sure why aliens would be interested in producing us.  I think people like to think we're special. But isn't that what got Galileo and Copernicus into trouble — questioning how special we were? But if we're just another duck in the road, it's not very exciting."

3. They're immune to Earth's bacteria

Alien visitors to Earth are occasionally depicted in science fiction as being brought down by their own alien nature. Lacking immunity to Earth-based bacteria, they all die of infections. This wouldn't really happen. "Alien life forms wouldn't come here only to be done in by our bacteria, unless they were related biochemically to humans," Shostak told IEEE Spectrum. "Bacteria would have to be able to interact with their biochemistry to be dangerous, and their ability to do that is far from a sure thing."

4. They won't eat us

Just as they would not be recognized by the local pathogens as potential hosts, aliens would also not recognize Earth's organic matter as a potential food source. They couldn't digest us. And they probably wouldn't need to, anyway. As Jacob Haqq-Misra, an astronomer at Pennsylvania State University, pointed out, "A society capable of interstellar travel should have solved their development issues such that they do not need humans for food."

5. They won't mate with us

Human DNA can't combine with XYZ, or whatever it is that encodes alien life. "The idea that they've come for breeding purposes is more akin to wishful thinking by members of the audience who don't have good social lives," Shostak told IEEE Spectrum. "Think about how well we breed with other species on Earth, and they have DNA. It would be like trying to breed with an oak tree."

Follow Natalie Wolchover on Twitter @nattyover. Follow Life's Little Mysteries on Twitter @llmysteries. We're also on Facebook & Google+.

Copyright 2012 Lifes Little Mysteries, a TechMediaNetwork company. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Also on HuffPost:

Loading Slideshow...
  • Skywatcher Jack Fusco enjoyed viewing Jupiter, the moon and Venus while sitting on a bench in Bradley Beach, NJ, near Sylvan Lake

  • Imelda B. Joson and Edwin L. Aguirre viewed the moon, Jupiter and Venus on Feb. 26. 2012. They wrote: "We captured the photos from the Minuteman Monument in Concord, Massachusetts, at the foot of the historic North Bridge where the American Rev

  • Skywatcher Jeff Berkes took this image of Jupiter, Venus, and the moon with a dramatic skyscape and foreground trees in West Chester, PA, Feb. 26, 2012.

  • Roberto Porto captured Jupiter, Venus and the moon with star trails in the Canary Islands, Spain, Feb. 24, 2012.