Why Do People Cheat? Join Us For A Live Discussion

Earlier this week, we reported on a new survey of counseling professionals that suggests men and women cheat because they're "emotional dissatisfed" with their partners.

The survey -- which was released by YourTango.com -- sparked quite a bit of debate in the comments section, with readers offering their own opinions on why people cheat. Some readers suggested that people stray because they get caught up in "the thrill of the hunt," while others said cheaters "lack moral character."

We want to know what you think: Were you surprised by the findings? Do you think men and women cheat for the same reasons? If you were unfaithful in a relationship, would you say emotional unfulfillment played a part?

We're looking for people who have a strong opinion on whether or not men are more likely to cheat due to an emotional void in their relationships. Participants will be asked to share their opinions and stories in an on-camera discussion via webcam with The Huffington Post. Join us at 4pm ET (-5 GMT) on Friday, June 22nd, for a Live Discussion. Please email [e-mail] with your opinion, stories or any questions. Thank you!

Comments

[Onwardigo]

02:17 PM on 08/30/2012

Why? Its very very simple. both men and women cheat because they are unhappy either within themelves, or within their marriage, or both. Couple that with the fact that they are cowardly, dishonest, and insecure. that about covers it.

[Act out]

12:36 AM on 06/25/2012

There are hundreds of reasons to cheat and very few reasons not to. In the end people of both sexes cheat for self gratification, period.

Discussing with your spouse or partner as to the reason you cheated on them is not going to help at all. It's true what they say in this instance that what they don't know won't hurt them.

I think a discussion with a therapist when you do cheat is very helpful. Getting marriage/relationship counseling separately with your spouse/partner is helpful in airing out your problems and deciding if the two of you should stay together.

[buddhaman2]

12:12 PM on 06/24/2012

This is all talk about heterosexual couples. Like to hear from gay and lesbian married couples or couples in relationships.

[Mark Cooperson]

09:30 AM on 06/24/2012

I thought about cheating. Why? All the bickering, complaining, using sex as a tool to get what you want, attitudes, and the unstable ups and downs all the while I am there sticking and staying. The "I'm not feeling well all of a sudden" syndrome to the "I'm so tired" ploy. Before you go on a rant, I do 75% of the chores in the house, 100% outside, 75% of the child care, work 54hrs a week, and all of the cooking. Now here comes "fill in the blank", she talks to you and makes you feel like a man, always has a smile, shows more interest than wifey, and can have a conversation without attitudes or arguments and can disagree with me without getting angry. But I didn't even though the offer was there. If it should present itself again..I dont know. I don't think I can go another 3 months w/o sex. Sometimes women are their own worst enemy. About me, I'm clean, very well built(hint), in shape, clean cut, mild-manner, and I get pursued from time to time. Statistics show that men and women cheat at just about the same percentages. So please, look at yourself and be honest. Some men will cheat cause thats who they are, but if you have a good man and you know it, then he cheats....there might be something about you that needs to change. I'm almost to that point.

[Salem1]

07:49 PM on 06/24/2012

Here's a tip: no one cares about a straight guy whose wife is frigid. You'll get the least amount of sympathy from liberal married American women.

Enjoy your prison. If you have a house, a pile of money and some future income to give up, you might be able to free yourself.

[Anonymous1994]

07:51 PM on 09/01/2012

A cheater is dishonest, sneaky and cowardly. I doubt that is anyone's definition of a 'good man'.

[Libertarian5]

11:59 PM on 06/23/2012

The main reason is that monogamy is fundamentally against human nature. However, the urge can be mitigated by fun. Fun-loving, sexual couples can make monogamy work. But if the wife (usually, in the US, it's the wife) thinks that just because she has decided to become an asexual neo-nun, her husband has to live like that as well, then people "cheat". You can't fool Mother Nature for long.

[Joe Camalari]

04:58 PM on 06/25/2012

"The main reason is that monogamy is fundamentally against human nature."

I tend to agree.

[irishturtletx01]

08:04 PM on 06/23/2012

I think people cheat becaused they lack a commnucation skill. If something is wrong in a relationship you should be able to talk it over and work things out. You can't run from problems,they always catch up to you.
I am married for the second time in my life(I was widowed) to a man who has been married twice before. Both his wives were non-communicaters. The first wife and him were young and a baby on the way(teen age oops). He married her because he loved her and that was the way he was raised. They lived with her folks a lot of their married life so there was tension between them. He wanted to moved she didn't. One day she screamed at him to get out of her life ,so he did.
His second was never happy with their life. I don't think she knew what she wanted. She wanted him to be home more (he drives a truck)but when he found a job at home he didn't make enough money. So he would go back to driving. One day after 21 years of marriage he came home and she told him she was done and left. She had been cheating on him for a while with a guy she knew from high school . She is now married to the guy and she is not happy.
If either of his wives had communicated better they might still be married.
We met after his second divorce.

[jankantius]

06:22 PM on 06/23/2012

I cheated on my wife of some 30 years ago ... regretted it ever since. My wife was very beautiful, Way more so than any of the other women. They however seemed to appreciate me more than she did. I just wanted to be with someone who really liked me. However I am still deeply sorry. I should have been able to understand her better.

[sharonwillis47]

05:17 PM on 06/23/2012

If you're a woman who's afraid of getting things "sloppy with spit" and swallowing you'll never keep a man because there's many women who actually enjoy it. lol

[sharonwillis47]

04:52 PM on 06/23/2012

why are most people just commenting about men? didn't anyone read the title?

[MiMi LLawsonn]

04:26 PM on 06/23/2012

I think men cheat just because they can....perhaps they are just exploring to see what they can find...or think that there is something better about the unknown.....I also think men cheat and hope that they are not caught....perhaps it is for the fun of it....or they just want to see if they are missing something....perhaps they are not happy with their sex lives....what's funny is the fact that some men cheat because they are looking for *something*....AND most of the time it is something that they can not find....perhaps they themselves do not really know why...

[sharonwillis47]

04:50 PM on 06/23/2012

The title was "Why do People cheat". Not just MEN. When you have an ax to grind at least fake it a little that's it's not just men. Get it? Fake it?

[hedah]

09:57 AM on 06/23/2012

Is said that "boys will be boys" (in every way) but the 'boys' DON'T like to taste Their OWN Medicine ! LOL

[jerich4]

03:50 AM on 06/23/2012

In the masculine psyche, sex and emotions are not connected, they can over lap but they are not connected, sexual cheating for a guy and emotional cheating are 2 completely different things, like jeans and a shirt. They can both be on the same body, or they can stand alone.

[DD LifeCoach]

01:08 PM on 06/23/2012

How much of that do you think is created by gender roles and gender training beginning in childhood? I'm just curious. Because for many women much of the choice to have sex/not have sex has a lot to do with social rules rather than desire. Girls are trained from a young age to be concerned with image and boys are trained from a young age to be independent and not worry too much, go with instinct, and as someone said earlier "boys will be boys" which is just an easy way to let people off the hook. Where do we draw the line between acknowledging we, as a society, promote the ideology that men can be emotionally disconnected from sex and the reality that anyone can enjoy uncommitted sexual intimacy?

[jerich4]

12:36 AM on 06/24/2012

Men are not trained to be emotionally disconnected from sex. We are trained to be emotionally disconnected from everything organic, which is why when a man does exhibit some sort of emotional attachment to something it is almost always something physical like a car or activity like the weekly bowling night, because these things do not respond back. Being raised as a man by men it is a constant exercise in control, control over ones self, control over ones emotions and control over ones environment. As we mature we learn to pick and choose our battles but that is why things like the man cave are important to guys, and having our own space in important. Our things are important, like the tools. These are things we can control, emotions are hard to control and unpredictable so we learn to suppress them, box them and deal with them once the burning has simmered down. There is nothing special about sex, its just how men are.

[jerich4]

12:42 AM on 06/24/2012

The detachment is why when a man does emotionally connect with some one its not easy, its like a vibe that builds over time, the whole love at first sight thing is nothing more than a infatuation. It can turn into more and frequently does, but usually when a guy "falls out of love" its because he wasn't all the way there in the first place and its more a function of boredom. But if a man is really dialed in on someone, that is not a bond easily or trivially broken. That is why the whole emotional cheating is a much bigger red flag than tryst with some one else. Not saying its OK, but sex is just a good release. Pay more attention to how he behaves before and after sex to see where his head is, during the act the act is just what it is.

[jerich4]

03:30 AM on 06/23/2012

Wow, reading this thread I am almost convinced no one here understands the male psyche, a guy cheats for one reason, and its a perfect storm when time, opportunity and desire all collide and the wife is no where to be seen. That is all. Men cheat because we had a need and a chance, there is no planning, there is no emotion, there is no higher level thought and there is usually ample alcohol involved.

All of this rubbish about unfulfilled emotional needs sounds like three months of therapy and a woman's need to get her head around why he did what he did. Here is a tip, if you want to keep a man from straying, keep his attention focused at home, not by locking him down but by keeping the relationship interesting, give him a reason to stay locked in on you and not the woman out yonder. Marriage is work for a reason, and the maintenance of the union is both partners responsibility.

[KeithDB]

10:29 AM on 07/09/2012

I'm a man, and this is total bullcrap. A lot of men who cheat do so continuously with one partner - that has nothing to do with time, opportunity, and desire, and the men clearly get more from it than just sex. Even men who typically cheat with one night stands aren't doing it just for sex, as talking with such men makes it extremely obvious that they derive a great deal of their self-esteem and self-worth from being promiscuous.

Don't paint me with your brush that we're all just stupid animals who cheat whenever the opportunity presents itself. If that explains you, then fine, but most of us are more complex than that.

[GCurry]

10:21 PM on 06/22/2012

Ecccckkk.

[bestpbx]

06:54 PM on 06/22/2012

You know, it just infuriates me when people act like it is only rich men who cheat. Cheats come in all flavors... rich/poor, male/female, educated/uneducated. No group has a corner on the cheating market.
Rich guys just get more publicity.

[jankantius]

07:57 PM on 06/23/2012

Really?... I was never rich. But I was a photograper, and I was able to present them as they wanted to be seen. I never asked, I was always asked. Sometimes sex was put on the table as compensation. I never took that up. Though they did occasionaly end up in bed with me. I think they liked the way I saw them. But.. on the issue of cheating, I did that with my first wife and I still regret it. .