The news is that we will wait until Thursday for the Supreme Court to rule on the Affordable Care Act, so if you are planning a Michael Jackson trial-style "dove release" to commemorate the occasion, you will have to keep those birds alive for another few days. Do they like to eat idle pundit speculations? If so, those doves shall dine like kings, and then probably contract colon cancer and die.
Of course, the big question that everyone is a-rasslin' with this week is what it will mean for President Barack Obama if the Affordable Care Act is gutted or overturned. The answer, of course, is that nothing will happen, because Obama and his family will never not be able to afford top-flight health care. For ordinary American humans, of course, your mileage may vary, but since very few reporters are interested in having access to ordinary American humans who have a large stake in whether they will be able to, say, purchase asthma medication in order to keep breathing, how the Supreme Court ruling impacts their lives is never broached.
Mark Halperin, in determining Obama's post-SCOTUS ruling fate on "Morning Joe," managed one of his perfect, Vitruvian Halperin pieces of analysis today when he determined that no matter what happens to health care, it will be bad for Obama, because what's even the point of American politics anymore? The only way to win is not to bother:
SCARBOROUGH: My opinion is kind of shifting now. I think a loss here this week on the healthcare law is bad news for the President, politically.
HALPERIN: I actually think that whatever the court rules is bad for the President. And that's not my opinion, that's based on a lot of reporting, including Democrats. If they uphold the law, which is unpopular, it's going to be a rallying cry for Republicans across the country. Even if the law is upheld, advertising and campaign rhetoric from Republicans will be all about healthcare. Democrats will largely hide from it. There's only a handful of Democrats in the country, including the President who will put health care front and center.
Right, okay. Mark Halperin has an opinion, which is not an opinion, but it is based on "a lot of reporting," which includes Democrats, who are "reporters," now? But, according to reports, Republicans are against health care reform, which is a phenomenon that nobody could have expected many years ago, when they opposed health care. Why did anyone even try to keep people alive, in America. That was just stupid.
Of course, this is sort of not Mark Halperin's fault. What if you had come to this planet on Saturday afternoon as a piece of sentient space fungus, on assignment from your space fungal overlords to provide a judgment free, unfiltered summation of all of yesterday's Sunday morning political chat show blather on the Affordable Care Act, based on your rudimentary understanding of American politics and the English language? Actually, this is a trick question: Sunday morning political chat shows kill invading space fungus dead. Why do you think we air these shows? ANSWER: To kill space fungus.
Anyway, it is perhaps for the best that Mark Halperin was not present at the founding of our nation.
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