Politico:
Jonathan Krohn took the political world by storm at 2009’s Conservative Political Action Conference when, at just 13 years old, he delivered an impromptu rallying cry for conservatism that became a viral hit and had some pegging him as a future star of the Republican Party.
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A day in the life of extremist Joe Republican
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and takes a sledgehammer to his plumbing in order to replace it with his privatized water supply. The water is "clean and good" because some corporation says it is. Don't worry, they say they really will police themselves... this time. With his first swallow of green-yellow water, he takes his daily medication. His Read More... medications are safe to take because a "REAL DOCTOR WHO TOTALLY WASN'T BRIBED" says they are.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - Joe realizes this and takes his sledgehammer to the bottle and pills.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe got the bacon and eggs that was too cool for liberal regulations.
After Joe vomits in the bathroom for some reason that must be unconnected to tainted food, he decides to get ready for work. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. However, this nasty liberalism in the shampoo must have affected the corporate supplied highly purified water, and it makes chunks of his hair fall out. bad liberals!
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. Joe then immediately puts a face mask on so he breathes in as little socialism in as possible.
He tiptoes on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day after whipping himself for riding the Marxist subway. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union... and phone threats in to them.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune. But Joe knows better, as Rand Paul said, "accidents happen." He wouldn't want to actually inconvenience his divinely-inspired superiors and be "Un-American."
Lazy libs never helped him.
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Politico | Posted: 07/02/2012 1:09 pm