Jon Stewart welcomed all his viewers back after a two-week hiatus on Monday. All his viewers except for DirecTV customers, that is.
The late-night host spent a segment of his show mocking the war between DirecTV and Viacom. The fee dispute between the two led DirecTV to drop Comedy Central, the home of Stewart's show, last week. When the company directed its customers to watch the dropped shows online, Viacom retaliated by taking full-length episodes off its websites (online streaming has since returned).
Stewart reacted incredulously on Monday night. He said that both companies were blaming each other in ad campaigns that portrayed the dispute like "some kind of basic cable Arab Spring."
"I got news for you," Stewart declared. "It's not.
Then, he blasted Viacom for its part in the war. "You’re pulling the shows from the Internet?" he asked in disbelief. "Viacom, what are you, China?"
He said that young people know how to work around the restrictions. "So basically you’re blocking the old people from watching the show and just giving people a chance to discover that there's other entertaining ---- in the world," Stewart concluded.
Those things include "sports, games, the Bible, masturbation," according to Stewart. He added, "There was a guy I saw at the beach this weekend with a device, it was like an iPad, only thicker, it entertains you for hours. It’s like individual screens with words on it, like a movie you can direct in your own head."
With Don Rickles At The Comedy Awards
Jon Stewart, left, presents Don Rickles with the Johnny Carson Award at The 2012 Comedy Awards in New York, Saturday, April 28, 2012. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)
With The First Lady
First lady Michelle Obama reacts to host Jon Stewart during a taping of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" Tuesday, May 29, 2012, in New York. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)
With Zach Galifianakis
In this undated image from video released by Comedy Central, host Zach Galifianakis, right, talks with Jon Stewart, comedian and host of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart."
U2 frontman Bono, left, talks with host Jon Stewart during a taping of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" in New York, Wednesday Nov. 30, 2011. (AP Photo/Brad Barket)
With His Cast & Crew
Jon Stewart and the crew of "The Daily Show with John Stewart" accept the award for outstanding variety, music, or comedy series for "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" onstage at the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards on Sunday, Sept. 18, 2011 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)
With His Writers & Producers
"The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart, center, and producers and writers hold Emmys for best variety, music or comedy series and best writing for a variety, music or comedy series backstage at the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards on Sunday, Sept. 18, 2011 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Jae Hong)
With The Muppets
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 30: Jon Stewart attends the Sesame Street Workshop 10th Annual Benefit Gala at Cipriani 42nd Street on May 30, 2012 in New York City. (Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images)
With His Kids
LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL - FEBRUARY 04: In this handout photo provided by Disney, Emmy Award-winning TV host and Grammy Award-winning comedian Jon Stewart takes a ride on the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway with his children Nate (left, age 6) and Maggie (center, age 5) at the Magic Kingdom theme park on February 4, 2011 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida. The February 4 visit took place on Maggie's 5th birthday, and Stewart and his family celebrated the occasion with friends at the Walt Disney World theme park. (Photo by David Roark/Disney via Getty Images)
With Stephen Colbert
Comedy Central comedians and television hosts Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert wave at the conclusion of the 'Rally to Restore Sanity And/Or Fear' on the National Mall in Washington, DC, October 30, 2010. AFP PHOTO / Saul LOEB