Before he could get into the week's biggest stories, Stephen Colbert kicked off Tuesday night's "Colbert Report" with an important segment on what hamsters are telling scientists about depression.
Colbert was naturally upset by an Ohio State University study that linked watching late night TV to depression, probably because the study involved exposing hamsters to a dim light as if they were watching TV. After all, late night hosts like Colbert aim to entertain and ease tension for people at the end of a long day, not depress them. And what can hamsters tell them that humans can't?
"Well done," Colbert said. "Instead of having people watch late night TV, then simply asking them if they're depressed, scientists exposed hamsters to a dim light and guessed how the hamsters felt. You know, science."
But Colbert has bigger problems than having to worry about his fans becoming depressed. Now that the study is public knowledge, everyone's going to find out the deep, dark secret behind "The Colbert Report": it's really designed to torture hamsters.
Watch the full segment above.