As always, we'd like to suggest that we all take a deep breath and eat the food in front of us, instead of attacking one another with it.
We're not sure if it's the heat, drought or something else, but there seemed to be a rash of food-related crimes breaking out this July.
From an absurd barefoot mozzarella burglary and a woman attacking her philandering husband with a bag of ice cream, to crimes much more serious and disturbing -- there was a lot of food crime to catch up on this month.
Whether you fell out of the food crime loop accidentally, or were just trying to keep your brain away from stories this bizarre for the month, you may have missed a few of these. Here at HuffPost Food, we read them so you don't have to -- unless you want to, in which case you can find the weirdest, worst, etcetera below.
Boy Eats Grandmother's Pot Cookies, Sleeps For 3 Days In California
A 3-year-old California boy slept for three days after <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/05/boy-eats-grandmothers-pot-cookies_n_1651922.html" target="_hplink">accidentally eating his grandmother's (medically prescribed) pot-laced cookies</a>. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/henryjose/6558887053/" target="_hplink">henryjose</a></em>
Florida Man Pulls A Gun On Another Driver In McDonald's Drive-Thru
<a href="http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2012/07/angry_florida_man_in_a_mercede.php" target="_hplink">John Widmann III didn't like the way another driver pulled into the drive-thru line</a>, so he allegedly pulled out his .38-caliber revolver and pointed it at the man, threatened to kill him and also pointed the gun at restaurant employees. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/quinnanya/2520380292/" target="_hplink">quinn.anya</a></em>
Dawn Elaine Barran Attacked Husband With Bag Of Ice Cream After Catching Him With Girlfriend
Nurse Dawn Elaine Barran, 45, allegedly <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/09/dawn-elaine-barran-attacks-husband-bag-of-ice-cream_n_1659049.html" target="_hplink">attacked her husband with a bag of ice cream</a> after catching him at a drug store with another woman.
Boyfriend Attacks Girlfriend With Brown Sauce Over Book Choice
Raymond Hodgson was <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9389109/Boyfriend-squirted-partner-with-brown-sauce-when-she-refused-to-stop-reading-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey.html" target="_hplink">charged with assault after fighting with his girlfriend over her reading choice</a>: "50 Shades of Grey." When she tried to close her door on him, he "slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her" with brown sauce. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/atomdocs/6154204437/" target="_hplink">Tom BKK</a></em>
Snack Theft Leads To Ohio Police Chase
A group of Ohio girls <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20120711/us-stolen-snacks-chase/" target="_hplink">accused of shoplifting potato chips and other snacks from a convenience store</a> led police on a chase that ended when their car crashed into a utility pole, injuring three of them, police said. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/36984152@N08/3471662920/" target="_hplink">soleiletoile Â©</a></em>
Drive-Thru Worker Busted For Child Porn
A Wendy's employee in South Texas <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/12/san-antonio-drive-thru-wo_n_1667563.html?utm_hp_ref=business" target="_hplink">was sentenced to nearly 22 years in prison for selling child porn to patrons</a>. Buyers used code words at the drive-thru window to get memory cards along with their food.
Customer Sues McDonald's After Worker Allegedly Unleashes Anti-Gay Rant And Assault
When Ryan Snyder and his three friends and brother put in their order at the drive-thru at a McDonald's in Orlando, Fla., <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/12/fla-customer-sues-mcdonal_n_1669104.html" target="_hplink">they were met with an anti-gay assault against both another McDonald's worker and Snyder himself</a>.
Cannibal Cult Members Accused Of Eating Victims' Brains Raw
Authorities <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/13/papua-new-guinea-cannibals_n_1670688.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003" target="_hplink">arrested 29 people accused of being part of a cannibal cult in Papua New Guinea's jungle interior</a> and charged them with the murders of seven suspected witch doctors. We didn't make any of that up, promise. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/arthur_chapman/3640478630/" target="_hplink">Arthur Chapman</a></em>
Fake Sandwiches Stolen By Clueless Canadian Thief
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/fake-sandwiches-stolen-by-_n_1677090.html?utm_hp_ref=food&ir=Food" target="_hplink">A hungry thief in British Columbia tried to steal breakfast sandwiches</a> from a local 7-11, without realizing they were plastic store props.
Seattle Men Stopped At Border For Possessing Illegal Chocolate Candy
Two Seattle men were detained for hours at the Canadian border when they <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/18/brandon-sweeny-christopher-loo-kinder-eggs-border_n_1682236.html" target="_hplink">tried to bring Kinder Eggs back into the US with them</a>.
Shoeless Burglar Steal Two Cases Of Mozzarella From Florida Pizza Hut
A barefoot <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/19/burglar-steals-mozzarella-florida-pizza-hut_n_1686463.html" target="_hplink">burglar in Florida broke into a local Pizza Hut</a>. When he couldn't get the cash register open, he did the next most logical thing -- stole as much cheese as he could carry.
Thief Uses Chili Powder As Weapon To Rip Off Abu Dhabi Jewelry Store
An Abu Dhabi <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/19/chili-powder-as-weapon_n_1688087.html" target="_hplink">jewel thief posing as a customer threw chili powder in sales attendants eyes</a>, before making off with $4,300 in loot.
Man Impaled On Fence After Allegedly Skipping Out On Bar Tab
A New Hampshire man <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/man-impaled-on-fence-after-skipping-bar-tab_n_1677383.html" target="_hplink">tripped and impaled his leg on a fence</a>, while allegedly trying to run out on his bar tab.
Woman Reportedly Assaults Boyfriend, Then Steals His Rack Of Ribs And Liquor
A Georgia woman was arrested for a physical altercation with her boyfriend. We'll let <a href="http://barrow.patch.com/" target="_hplink">BarrowPatch</a> explain this one: "The <a href="http://barrow.patch.com/articles/woman-reportedly-steals-boyfriend-s-rack-of-ribs-and-liquor#photo-10589638" target="_hplink">woman reportedly broke the man's eyeglasses, stole a rack of ribs and liquor</a>, smeared beans on the top of the stove, unplugged all the TV and sound system equipment, kicked over a grill and took his car keys." <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/bhamsandwich/3601018752/" target="_hplink">bhamsandwich</a></em>
Man Goes On Chainsaw Rampage Over Beer Argument
A New Zealand man went on a <a href="http://www.northernadvocate.co.nz/news/chainsaw-rampage-charges-after-pair-argue-over-bee/1473424/" target="_hplink">destructive chainsaw rampage after arguing over a case of Steinlager beer</a>. Does anyone know if Steinlager is THAT good?
BMW Owner Skips Out On $7 Waffle House Bill
<a href="http://jalopnik.com/5928224/a-7-waffle-house-bill-was-too-expensive-for-a-bmw-owner" target="_hplink">Police were called to a Myrtle Beach Waffle House</a> after a man skipped out on a $7 bill -- in his BMW.
Farmer's Daughter Restaurant Closed Down After Marijuana Raid
A Sacramento restaurant was shut down this month for <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2012/07/05/sacramento-restaurant-raided-caught-with-80-lbs-of-weed-baked-goods.php" target="_hplink">running an illegal dispensary in the back room</a>. According to Eater: "80 pounds of marijuana were confiscated, as were all sorts of pot-laced goodies including lollipops, pastry balls, ice cream, cookie dough, and peanut butter." <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/kitty_grey/6814371482/" target="_hplink">bari;</a></em>
Ice Cream Trucks In Scottsdale: Arizona Residents Oppose Law To Make Trucks Legal
The <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/ice-cream-trucks-scottsdale_n_1705736.html" target="_hplink">people of Scottsdale are really weirded out by ice cream truck drivers</a> -- so much so, they refuse to make them legal. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/geopdx/7509002440/" target="_hplink">GE0pdx</a></em>
Beer Pong Bandits Break Into Home, Play Game And Steal Cars
Virginia's car thieves are getting awfully relaxed -- <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/beer-pong-bandits_n_1697728.html" target="_hplink">this month, burglars stopped to play beer pong before stealing two vehicles</a>. <em>Photo via Flickr user <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfsavard/3327115153/" target="_hplink">wolfsavard</a></em>
Man Reloads His Gun At Hooters, Accidentally Shoots Friend
Eating wings reminded a <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2012/07/30/man-accidentally-shoots-friend-at-hooters-gets-arrested.php" target="_hplink">Virginia man that he wanted to reload his handgun</a>, which he did, and he accidentally shot his friend in the ankle. Local police said her injuries were "non-life threatening," but we're betting that's the last wing date they go on for a while.