"Paranormal Activity 4"; or, the scariest thing you'll see all day.
Keeping with the first three installments in the "Paranormal Activity" franchise -- which have all led to this according to some ominous onscreen text -- the 90-second teaser keeps the focus on some home-video footage, shadowy figures and jump scares. It's all very effective (watch it with the sound off and this thing is still scary), which means Paramount can probably expect audiences to, once again, buy tickets in droves; the global earnings for the "Paranormal Activity" franchise have totaled just under $600 million to date.
Directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (the duo behind "Catfish," the 2010 documentary, as well as "Paranormal Activity 3") and potentially starring "Glee's" Dianna Agron (at least according to the sometimes unreliably IMDb), "Paranormal Activity 4" is in theaters on Oct. 19. Just in time for Halloween.
Watch the trailer above. Head over to Apple to see the thrills in HD.
'The Stuff' (1985)
It's not quite ice cream, it's not quite yogurt -- but it comes from beneath the earth's core, controls your mind and makes you explode in a vomitous fury. (<em>At least it's better than Miracle Whip.</em>)
'Donkey Punch' (2008)
Debaucherous partygoers smoke, drink and film anything they can look up on UrbanDictionary.com -- and to the surprise of everyone, it does not end well.
'It's Alive' (1974)
A mutant killer baby claws its way home to mommy and daddy; if you think that's scary, just wait 'til it turns 18 and you get a look at its college tuition rates! <em>Agh!</em>
'Jack Frost' (1996)
A serial killer gets reincarnated as a snowman and goes on a murderous spree. Man, they really need to control these frenzied crowds during the Christmas shopping season!
'One-Eyed Monster' (2008)
A porn crew, stranded in a snowstorm, is slaughtered by the disembodied privates of adult film star Ron Jeremy. (<em>sighs</em>) Yes, really.
'Death Bed: The Bed That Eats' (1977)
We don't ask for much in our trippy, low-budget '70s movies about beds that eat people, we just ask for them to be a little more coherent than this "film."
'Night of the Lepus' (1972)
Townsfolk are terrorized by giant, man-eating rabbits. There has to be subtler ways to sell us on buying more canned rabbit meat.
'Black Sheep' (2006)
This time, the townsfolk are terrorized by genetically engineered, man-eating sheep. So, basically, don't bother going outside ever again.
'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead' (2006)
A fast food chain is attacked by zombiefied customers possessed with the vengeful spirits of slaughtered chickens (we knew all this and still weren't prepared for how stupid it was).
Nothing we can say about this movie can top Bill Murray's (real) endorsement: "If you see one movie this year, it should be 'Frankenhooker.'"
'Uncle Sam' (1996)
A Desert Storm soldier, killed by friendly fire, returns from the grave to dispense cruel justice on anyone who is "unpatriotic"; Dick Cheney called it "the feel good movie of the year."* <br /> * <em>Joke supplied by guest writer Billy Crystal. </em>
'Killer Condom' (1996)
(<em>shakes head</em>) No, just no.
'Evil Bong' (2006)
... Honestly, this is getting kind of exhausting.
'The Gingerdead Man' (2005)
They made two sequels to this -- "Passion of the Crust" and "Saturday Night Cleaver" -- but Gary Busey didn't return for either. The quality of the scripts must have <em>really </em>dropped off.
...<br /> We don't want to to live on this planet anymore.