Oh, if only we had the fastest of metabolisms and the largest of bank accounts!

The LA Food and Wine Festival is running Thursday through Sunday, and it's offering up some delicious meals, culinary celebs from around the US and a trick or two we can take back to our own kitchens.

If you bought tickets early enough, you'd be able to catch Wolfgang Puck or Ming Tsai , but since their meals are sold out, you might have to "settle" for lunch cooked by Susan Feniger or Charles Phan. Delicious.

Aside from all the big names, there are a bunch of exciting classes and tastings, like "I Heart Champagne and Caviar," a blind tasting of white wines, and the "Lexus Grand Tasting," which will feature over 300 different wines and serve everything from dim sum to caviar to southern comfort food.

While we wish we had the time and, more importantly, the money to go to every single event, we'd probably be so stuffed from the lunches that we'd have to skip dinner! Here are some of the food extravaganzas going on around LA that interest us the most. If you're lucky enough to go to one, please, please savor the experience -- and tweet your photos to @HuffPostLA.

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  • Delicacy Dinner At The Montage Beverly Hills Brought To You By DFS

    "Caviar, lobster, truffles, Champagne! Come celebrate with us and a hand-picked team of America's very best haute cuisinists as they join forces to create a five-course meal of ultimate indulgence. No setting in Los Angeles could be more luxe than the glamorous Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills, where you'll rub shoulders with celebrities of all types and stripes. The Delicacy Dinner is the meal of a lifetime and seats are limited, so please reserve your spot early." 8/10/12, 6:30p - 10:30p BEVERLY HILLS: Ballroom - Montage Price: $500.00

  • The Southern Brunch, Perfected: Presented by Lexus

    "Combining the talents of Lexus Culinary Masters Michelle Bernstein and Dean Fearing, this one-of-a-kind cooking demonstration and tasting, complete with sparkling libations, will provide the fixings for a Perfect Southern Brunch. Help yourself to some good old Southern Hospitality with classic dishes, adapted by the hands of these award-winning chefs. Long known as the "Father of Southwestern Cuisine" and now the creator of a new generation of highly flavorful dishes, Chef Dean Fearing (Fearings' Restaurant, Dallas, TX) knows the power of good comfort food. Paired with the famed latin-style cooking of Southeast-hailing Chef Michelle Bernstein (Michy's & Sra. Martinez, Miami, FL), guests are in for a mouthwatering treat. It has been said, that true Southern hospitality begins in the kitchen, so experience it done right as this dynamic duo invites you into their kitchen for a fun and sumptuous adventure." 8/11/12, 10:30a - 11:45a DOWNTOWN: Diamond Ballroom Salon 4 - JW Marriott Price: $50.00

  • Lunch at Livello with Joseph Elevado & Levi Mezick

    "Tucked into a quiet corner of Beverly Hills is L'Ermitage, arguably the most luxe yet serene hotel to temporarily hang your hat in Los Angeles. Favored by celebs and locals alike, L'Ermitage is now also a serious dining destination thanks to the artistry of Chef Joseph Elevado and his cooking at 2012 newcomer, Livello restaurant. A protegé of both Nobu and Morimoto, Elevado's cuisine is a symphony of Italian-Asian integration. Come enjoy lunch in a gorgeous setting and experience this rising star's talent." 8/10/12, 12:00p - 2:30p BEVERLY HILLS: Dining Room - L'Ermitage Beverly Hills Price: $125.00

  • Laura Werlin: Pairing Cheese & Wine With The First Lady of Fromage

    "In addition to being a James Beard award-winning expert on cheese, Laura Werlin also has to be just about the nicest person in the food business. She's published five books on cheese and her most recent entitled "Grilled Cheese, Please!" will have you rethinking this classic American sandwich in no time. A long-time friend of Pebble Beach and Los Angeles Food & Wine, Laura returns for our second anniversary to help you understand the world of cheese in a way that is informative and fun. Oh yes, there will be wine, paired with Lara's hand-picked cheese selections in a seminar that sells out each year." 8/12/12, 10:30a - 11:45a DOWNTOWN: Diamond Ballroom Salon 3 - JW Marriott Price: $75.00

  • Lunch at CUT with Ari Rosenson & Guest Chef Lydia Shire

    "Located in the chic Beverly Wilshire Four Seasons hotel, CUT is a masterpiece of both design and food, a place where iconic architect Richard Meier and homegrown favorite Wolfgang Puck together triumph. Now helmed by Executive Chef Ari Rosenson, CUT isn't typically open for lunch. This year at Los Angeles Food & Wine, they're opening their doors in the afternoon for a select group of diners to experience an unparalleled lunch with a very special Guest Chef, Boston's beloved Lydia Shire whose 40 year career defines modern cuisine in New England. Lunch at CUT will feature a reception with passed hors d'oeuvres and bubbly, followed by a four-course meal with hand-selected, artisanal wines." 8/10/12, 12:00p - 2:30p BEVERLY HILLS: Dining Room - Cut Price: $125.00

  • Eater Presents Asian Night Market Hosted By Andrew Zimmern

    "Hosted by Andrew Zimmern (Travel Channel's "Bizarre Foods" franchise) at Downtown's L.A. LIVE, the Asian Night Market will feature an abundance of unique tastings using Asian-inspired ingredients from some of the nation's most influential chefs. Join us as we re-invent the classic Night Market into a multi-sensory street food experience that brings the flavor of Asian night markets from Taipei to Kuala Lumpur to the Nokia Plaza at LA Live! Serving up traditional as well as interpretive Asian street grub from both established restaurants and mom-and-pop joints, the Night Market recreates the celebratory chaos and delicious energy of the quintessential Asian Night Market experience with a distinct West Coast flavor. Along with tastings of street food from over 30 participating restaurants and eateries, admission includes custom cocktails, sake, shochu, beer and free-flowing wine." VIP Access - Gets you early access a full 30 minutes before the General Admission and access to a VIP only area at the heart of the event. Very Limited quantities are available. 8/10/12, 7:00p - 10:00p DOWNTOWN: Nokia Plaza - L.A. Live Price: $75.00, VIP: $125.00

  • The Magic & Seduction Of Chocolate With Jacques and Hasty Torres

    "Love and chocolate? Yes please! "When Hasty met Jacques" is rather a movie title of its own, at least in the food world. Both master chocolatiers, this husband and wife team represent the pinnacle of the medium. From Hasty's beloved Madame Chocolat store in Beverly Hills to Jacques' New York empire, this charming duo knows a thing or two about sweet. Come join them as they demonstrate everything you need to know about the magical and seductive world of chocolate." 8/12/12, 1:30p - 2:45p DOWNTOWN: Diamond Ballroom Salon 4 - JW Marriott Price: $50.00

  • I Heart Champagne & Caviar at The Montage Beverly Hills

    "Luxury epitomized, this is THE event to attend for anyone who loves Champagne and its parallel in extravagance, caviar. This won't be the night for temperance as we've assembled an incredible line-up of just about every legendary bubbly crafted in the Champagne region - we'll be pouring the best of the best that have made French sparklers the benchmark around the world. And did we say caviar? Come party on the rooftop of the Montage Beverly Hills, in the glamorous epicenter of the entertainment business, for our marquee event: Los Angeles Food & Wine - where celebrity meets celebrity chef! (Cameras optional.)" 8/10/12, 7:00p - 9:00p BEVERLY HILLS: Rooftop - Montage Price: $195.00

  • Secrets of a Sommelier: Blind Tasting Red Wines

    "Ready to cross palates with the best sommeliers in America? We've assembled a dream team of Master Sommeliers and other wine experts ready to deconstruct a flight of mystery reds. Just how these pros systematically analyze a glass of wine to deduce not just the grape, but often the exact place of origin and vintage is a science we're ready to share. You could spend thousands of dollars on bottles and books and learn less than what this single seminar can reveal. Come out and play with the pros; trust us, they won't know what is in each glass any more than you will!" 8/11/12, 4:30p - 5:45p DOWNTOWN: Diamond Ballroom Salon 5 - JW Marriott Price: $75.00

  • Lunch at Patina with Joachim Splichal & Guest Chef Hubert Keller

    "Patina is considered by many to be the benchmark restaurant in Los Angeles; its move to the iconic Walt Disney Concert Hall completely reinvigorated and jump-started a culinary "second wave" in Los Angeles. Legendarily energetic Master Chef Joachim Splichal runs an empire around the US, but has never forgotten the attention to technique and detailed plating that are the hallmark of his flagship outlet. Come to lunch at Patina, where the music soars and the food sings for an unparalleled epicurean extravaganza with luxurious wines to match. Guest Chef Hubert Keller provides the perfect counterpoint and adds to the allure of this spectacular lunch." 8/10/12, 12:00p - 2:30p DOWNTOWN: Dining Room - Patina Price: $125.00