If cats could talk, what would they tell their owners? Better yet, what if your kitten could express their thoughts and desires using alliteration, assonance and iambic pentameter?

"I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats" [Chronicle, $12.95] attempts to answer this pressing question with hilarious works such as "Closed Door," "Nine Lives," "O Christmas Tree," and the poem for which the collection is titled, "I Could Pee on This."

Enjoy!:

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  • Tripped

    Tripped I'm sorry I tripped you in the hall I'm sorry I tripped you in the den I'm sorry I tripped you in the bedroom I'm sorry I tripped you in the kitchen I'm sorry I tripped you in the attic I'm sorry I tripped you in the basement I'm sorry I tripped you out the door I'm sorry I tripped you on hard cement But some men paid me five grand to kill you <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/nperlapro/1297392267/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by Energetic Spirit</em></a>

  • O Christmas Tree

    O Christmas Tree O please O come on O like you didn't know What you were getting for Christmas Before I ripped open all your gifts O by the way The tree looks better on its side O I really do think so <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/susanad813/1360015744/sizes/o/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by Susan E. Adams</em></a>

  • Nine Lives

    Nine Lives The first life is for running The second life is for staring The third life is for climbing The fourth life is for tearing The fifth life is for sleeping The sixth life is for sleeping The seventh life is for sleeping The eighth life is for sleeping The ninth life is for writing my memoirs <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/plizzba/239595759/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by plizzba</em></a>

  • Most Amusing

    Most Amusing HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Hahahahahahahaha Haha Haha Ha That dog is wearing a sweater <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/howardoyoung/4195466130/sizes/m/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by Howard O. Young</em></a>

  • I Could Pee on This

    I Could Pee on This Her new sweater doesn't smell of me I could pee on that She's gone out for the day and left her laptop on the counter I could pee on that Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away I could pee on him She's ignoring me ignoring her I could pee everywhere She's making up for it by putting me on her lap I could pee on this I could pee on this <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/8443323@N07/6202508462/sizes/l/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by Lawrence in Houston</em></a>

  • Give

    Give You can't hold someone who wants to leave You can't clutch a memory as if it were today You can't take an insult close to heart You can't grasp for glory from your chair You can't seize life thinking only of loss And you can't grab a laser pointer dot on the wall No matter how much you try These hard-earned truths I give to you <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lachlanrogers/2938134470/sizes/l/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by latch.r</em></a>

  • Forever

    Forever I could lie by your side for the rest of our lives I think I'll walk away right now I could let you pet me for a hundred years I think we need some time apart I could be kissed a thousand thousand times I think I'm needed somewhere else I could sit on your lap forever I said I could sit on your lap forever Don't you even think of trying to get up Well, you should have gone to the bathroom beforehand Because forever is a very, very long time <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebuffafamily/505368436/sizes/z/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by thebuffafamily</em></a>

  • Closed door

    Closed door LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME I-- Oh, uh, hello I did not expect an answer I did not expect an entrance I did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dull So, uh, goodbye <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/icathing/2485019081/sizes/l/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by icathing</em></a>

  • Brothers

    Brothers They say we are brothers though we look nothing alike They say we are family though we differ so much I am tabby, you are brown I am long, you are short I am thin, you are stout I am lively, you are shy I am a kitten, you are a hamster But kin is kin So let me run on your wheel <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/epsos/6220945238/sizes/l/in/photostream/" target="_hplink"><em>Flickr photo by epSos.de</em></a>

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