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Celebrity Chef Deathmatch: Who Survives On A Desert Island?

anthony bourdain paula deen
Here at HuffPost Food, we pay pretty close attention to the way chefs behave. Chefs are known to be passionate, hard-working people, with occasionally quick tempers and sharp tongues. So, when a chef gets famous, nothing really changes -- except that many more people bear witness to their behavior.

Because this is the kind of thing we do around here, we sat around dreaming up the best celebrity chef pairings for a desert-island style deathmatch. We want to know: If all these personalities were stranded together, who do you think would emerge victoriously from a Celebrity Chef Deathmatch?


Here's a breakdown of our contestants:

Anthony Bourdain
Pros: will eat pretty much everything, quick-witted
Cons: often cranky, has a lot of enemies, weakness for bone marrow and whiskey

Gordon Ramsay
Pros: aggressive, has a clear vision of what a winner is
Cons: prone to calling people "donkeys," highly particular about how food is cooked, known softy deep-down

Giada de Laurentiis
Pros: kind and bubbly, seems like a good listener
Cons: too smiley, over-pronounces Italian words

Rachael Ray
Pros: can pretty much turn dirt into dinner, scrappy
Cons: excessive use of the word "yum-o," sort of like your friend's annoying mom

Paula Deen
Pros: always chipper, looks at the glass half-full
Cons: might actually be very conniving and calculating, money hungry, weakness for butter

Guy Fieri
Pros: we're not actually sure
Cons: hard to spend a lot of time with, hair will stand out in camouflage situations, weakness for mozzarella sticks

Sandra Lee
Pros: can make a nice tablescape with limited supplies, has friends in high places, gives Bourdain the willies
Cons: there are no can-openers on desert islands

Alton Brown
Pros: can find multi-uses for various tools, solid understanding of science
Cons: whiny, thin-skinned, potential know-it-all-ism

Here's how the Celebrity Chef Deathmatch voting will go down:

  • Round One voting opens today (September 18th) -- vote right now!

  • Wednesday, September 19th at 12:00am Eastern, Round Two begins.

  • Thursday, September 20th at 12:00am Eastern, you'll be able to vote in Round Three.

  • Friday morning, September 21st, we'll announce who makes it off the island last.

Ready, set, vote!

Also on HuffPost:

Loading Slideshow...
  • Michael Symon And Lay's Potato Chips

    Earlier this year, Food Network star and James Beard Award-winning chef Michael Symon <a href="http://www.marketwatch.com/story/lays-potato-chips-teams-up-with-eva-longoria-and-iron-chef-michael-symon-to-invite-consumers-to-create-the-next-great-potato-chip-flavor-2012-07-20-1218310" target="_hplink">announced a partnership with Lay's potato chips</a> as the company launched a contest to find its latest chip flavor. "I am constantly impressed with the range of flavor combinations possible in the culinary world, which presents an exciting variety of options for the next great potato chip," Symon said in a release. But would Symon ever serve it in his restaurant?

  • Paula Deen And Diabetes Medication

    No one knows how to turn heads quite like Paula Deen. The Southern cooking star timed her announcement that she was <a href="http://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/index.ssf/2012/01/paula_deen.html" target="_hplink">shilling for Novo Nordisk's medication diabetes medication, Victoza,</a> with the revelation that she suffered from Type 2 diabetes, which can result from eating too much fattening food.

  • Rachael Ray And Dunkin' Donuts, Dog Food

    Yes, <a href="http://nutrish.rachaelray.com/" target="_hplink">Rachael Ray's dog food line</a> is called "Nutrish." It's technically not an endorsement -- it's part of Ray's huge line of products -- but it's too crazy not to include. When was the last time a major food personality created his or her own line of dog food? It's not new either; the Food Network personality has been <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/2008/07/rachael-ray-launches-line-of-dog-food-nutrish.html" target="_hplink">offering the line since 2008</a>. Maybe we should feel bad for making fun of it: all proceeds go to a charity that helps at-risk animals through adoption, medical care and training. We don't, however, have qualms about taking a dig at her other endorsement: Dunkin' Donuts.

  • Edward Lee And KFC

    When KFC <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/31/colonel-sanders-autobiography-free-download-facebook_n_1560165.html" target="_hplink">unearthed the supposedly long-lost manuscript</a> by founder Colonel Sander's, the chain <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2012/05/29/edward-lee-now-shilling-for-kfc-because-why-not.php" target="_hplink">enlisted <em>Top Chef</em> Texas contestant Ed Lee </a>to help out with videos showing modernized interpretations of classic Colonel Recipes. "I really wanted to make this one recipe, it's called the upside down peach cobbler," Lee explains in one of the videos. "Which is great because I actually make a peach cobbler at my restaurant." Would the <em>Top Chef</em> judges approve?

  • Spike Mendelsohn And Acid Reflux Medicine

    In May, <em>Top Chef</em> star Spike Mendelsohn made the controversial decision to <a href="http://dc.eater.com/archives/2012/05/02/spike-mendelsohn-now-hawking-acid-reflux-medication.php" target="_hplink">hawk acid reflux medicine Dexilant for Takeda Pharmaceuticals</a>. His duties include offering "lifestyle tips" and cooking with people who suffer from acid reflux disease. At least Mendelsohn can personally relate to Dexilant users -- he suffers from acid reflux himself.

  • Marco Pierre White And Knorr Stock Cubes

    In his heyday, Marco Pierre White was the youngest chef ever to have been awarded three Michelin stars. Although that distinction has since been surpassed by younger chefs, White retains a certain level of fame even as his disciples Gordon Ramsay and Curtis Stone take up most of the spotlight. That remaining cache seems to have <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2009/oct/13/gadgets-chefs-product-endorsements" target="_hplink">secured him an endorsement deal with Knorr homestyle stock</a> -- though we can't imagine White ever using the jellied cubes in his own kitchen.

  • Dale Talde And Sam's Club

    <em>Top Chef</em> star Dale Talde has a deal too, with Sam's Club. A member of the store's "Simply Delicious Chef Brigade," Talde is featured in <a href="http://www3.samsclub.com/meals/see-whats-cooking/korean-grilled-ribeye" target="_hplink">several how-to cooking videos</a> on Sam's Club web site. Our question: is that where he does his produce shopping?

  • Tom Colicchio And Diet Coke

    Speaking of <em>Top Chef</em> judges, Tom Colicchio has had a long-time endorsement of his own...with Diet Coke. We think Epicurious' blog posed the question in our minds best with its post titled "<a href="http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2009/02/tom-colicchio-a.html" target="_hplink">Tom Colicchio and Diet Coke: Standout or Sellout?"</a>

  • Lorena Garcia And Taco Bell

    Gourmet Taco Bell? That's what Lorena would have you believe. The Miami chef, who stars on season 4 of <em>Top Chef Masters</em>, recently <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2012/07/13/taco-bell-chef-lorena-garcia-breaks-her-legendary-silence-on-molecular-gastronomy.php" target="_hplink">helped the fast food chain design its Cantina Bell menu</a> -- though some say it's just a <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2012/01/11/taco-bell-vs-chipotle.php" target="_hplink">rip off of Chipotle offerings</a>.

  • Alex Guarnaschelli And I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

    I can't believe it's not butter? More like we can't believe Alex Guarnaschelli is <a href="http://blogs.villagevoice.com/forkintheroad/2011/01/alex_guarnasche_1.php" target="_hplink">shilling for the fake butter company</a>, as is <em>Sex and the City</em> star Kim Cattrall. Are we to believe Guarnaschelli -- who cooks at the restaurant Butter in Manhattan -- actually serves this stuff? Ads featuring Guarnaschelli say that the chef "always has I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! on hand for wherever her culinary inspiration may take her." Sure...

  • Alton Brown And Welch's Grape Juice

    Food Network star and kitchen tech guru Alton Brown famously <a href="http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/alton-brown-food-lists-weight-loss" target="_hplink">dropped about 50 pounds</a> by changing his diet, so his <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/10/05/alton_brown_is_learning_to_love_twi.php" target="_hplink">grape fruit juice endorsement</a> has us scratching our heads a little bit. Sure, Welch's is adamant that its product is made with 100% juice -- but even so, some health experts say that <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-204_162-673229.html" target="_hplink">fruit drinks can be almost as bad as soda</a> when it comes to weight gain. We admit, this is not the most egregious chef sponsorship, but come on, does anyone even like grape juice?

  • Aarón Sánchez And Bud Light

    We're not sure Bud Light is often a chef's first choice when he or she orders at a bar, but that didn't stop TV chef Aarón Sánchez from teaming up with the beer for a summer grilling campaign aimed at a Latino audience, "Amigos y Carne Asada." Sánchez, who's appeared on shows like Iron Chef America and Chopped, signed on to host a series of parties, cook-offs and giveaways. In a release, he called the partnership "a perfect match."

  • Fabio Viviani And Domino's

    Oh, Fabio. You were one of our favorites on <em>Top Chef</em>. What would Tom Colicchio say about your <a href="http://eater.com/archives/2011/09/26/fabio-viviani-now-starring-in-a-dominos-pizza-commercial.php" target="_hplink">Domino's endorsement</a>? (Probably nothing, since he's working with Diet Coke) All the same, we're flabbergasted by Viviani's move to promote "artisanal"-quality pizza. Sheesh.

FOLLOW FOOD

Here at HuffPost Food, we pay pretty close attention to the way chefs behave. Chefs are known to be passionate, hard-working people, with occasionally quick tempers and sharp tongues. So, when a che...
Here at HuffPost Food, we pay pretty close attention to the way chefs behave. Chefs are known to be passionate, hard-working people, with occasionally quick tempers and sharp tongues. So, when a che...
Filed by Rebecca Orchant  | 
 
 
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
10:15 PM on 09/20/2012
Re: Alton Brown and Welch's grape juice. Unless they've changed it, I used to drink it diluted with water 1:1 and it was still pretty sweet. Guess trhat's where I got the taste for Manichevitz wines.
09:39 PM on 09/20/2012
My vote's with Alton, hands down. He can figure anything out and is the most creative. That's what you need on a desert island...and in the kitchen!
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merlin57
Hey hey my my...out of the blue and into the black
06:59 PM on 09/20/2012
Not even close.... Bourdain would cook and eat Alton.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
peppertrekker
To have some fun and maybe share a pun
03:49 PM on 09/20/2012
Bourdain will win. He is street smart and has many friends in many places such as Vietnam that might fly by and drop off "goodies....wink wink" He won't have a problem or a care, he will do just fine. He will do fine anyway even without that. Street smart usually wins over book smart.
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plantbasedpunk
live from the PHX
12:01 PM on 09/20/2012
Come on, guys. This is a "survivor" poll, not a popularity contest. Alton would totally pwn Bourdain. Bourdain would die of alcohol withdrawal while Alton was still laying the foundation on his palm hut.
02:52 PM on 09/19/2012
Wait---what about Robert Irvine ?....ex-military, he'd have no problem surviving
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plantbasedpunk
live from the PHX
02:05 PM on 09/19/2012
Looks like it's gonna be down to Alton & Tony. My vote's gonna go with Alton. He's more creative and in better shape. Tony couldn't even make it up a set of stairs in the Singapore episode of No Reservations. Tony did, however, rough it through the Chilean wilderness once. Granted, it seemed pretty only so he could trip balls on ayahuasca.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
peppertrekker
To have some fun and maybe share a pun
10:55 AM on 09/19/2012
Feel bad for Sandra Lee that poor woman would be the first to parish.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
O K Ali
Wash your hands, seriously.
03:33 PM on 09/20/2012
No can opener. LMAO!
10:33 AM on 09/19/2012
Mario Batali
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mike Siscoe
To the Left of Mother Teresa
08:14 AM on 09/19/2012
It's going to come down to Bourdain vs Brown. One guy knows how to make a radio out of coconuts, the other knows how to make a bong out of coconuts.
10:32 AM on 09/19/2012
Boudain is a whiner/complainer and Alton is too prissy
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
sacmom3
ENOUGH! Remember the children of Sandy Hook
03:32 PM on 09/18/2012
Where the heck is Andrew Zimmern? He would win this, hands down.
02:14 AM on 09/19/2012
Yeah, he'd eat anything though if Bourdain figured out how to make pruno (prison hootch made from fermenting fruit cocktail) from whatever he could scrounge on the island, he'd do all right.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
HowlingVoyager
The only vice that cannot be forgiven is hypocrisy
01:27 PM on 09/18/2012
Quite frankly even though he's been categorized here as 'whiny, thin-skinned, potential know-it-all-ism' - all true, really, but no less fun in the end - Alton Brown creativity gets my vote for the final winner.

However, the real winner here - if he had been included - would be Andrew Zimmern. C'mon! The guy would and probably has eaten everything! If the island had a survivor, it would be him.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
plasmaorb
The GOP cant afford Common Sense
12:12 PM on 09/18/2012
Put Marco Pierre White into the mix and it would be all over, he walks around with a chefs knife... pretty much will take out the weaker part of the herd
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mushimom
It's my dogs world, I just want a piece of it
03:58 PM on 09/18/2012
So true!!!...I love Maro!!..;D
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
rafse5
05:02 AM on 03/12/2013
Mancrushing again, I see.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
plasmaorb
The GOP cant afford Common Sense
06:16 AM on 03/12/2013
Wow.. you really have NO life, do you?

You have to sta|k me since you have nothing better to do with your |onelyexistence

How sad... maybe you can rent yourself some company
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plantbasedpunk
live from the PHX
11:57 AM on 09/18/2012
Now that I think about it, I should have voted for Paula. While Alton has is brimming with knowledge and has the DIY skills to turn a coconut into a pressure cooker Paula Deen has enough body mass to live off the butter that she has stored in her thighs. So long as she doesn't have to outrun any large predators, she'd live for months. I feel that Alton's knowledge of fishing, hunting, foraging is probably limited so he'd be starved to death on the beach tightly clutching his coconut pressure-cooker.

Gordon would also starve upon finding out that cooking risotto just right over a fire is impossible and he would not settle for anything less than perfection.

Rachel Ray would probably catch a spear from the indigenous right off the boat. You don't have to understand what "EVOO" means to find her obnoxious.

Guy Fieri would drown. Weighted down by his gaudy jewelry and 10 pounds of Pomade.

Bourdain would die of alcohol withdrawal (perhaps him and Alton could team up and ferment some coconut juice?).

So let's be real here. If Andrew Zimmern were a competitor you know he'd win. Why? He'd eat his own foot and/or bodily fluids if you told him it was food. And - Like Paula - he's got the body mass to live off of as soon as he's eaten plant, animal and rock on the island.
06:19 PM on 09/18/2012
You may be right about Ramsey but once he realizes the quality of food is not to his standards he will go 'Donner Party' on the rest and make out quite nicely.

He may however put Deen in a cage and fatten her up for a nice meal of foie gras. One curious side note is that he will not find a heart in her.
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plantbasedpunk
live from the PHX
06:39 PM on 09/18/2012
I'm pretty sure Gordon won't have to try very hard to get foie gras out of Paula. She seems to have fattened it up pretty well on her own unassisted.
10:34 AM on 09/19/2012
I love Paula but she was Agoraphobic for years....she could not handle a deathmatch
10:47 AM on 09/18/2012
Rachael Ray All The Way!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
plasmaorb
The GOP cant afford Common Sense
12:13 PM on 09/18/2012
to he||
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mushimom
It's my dogs world, I just want a piece of it
03:59 PM on 09/18/2012
Fanned!! I can't stand the man hands on that woman!! Plus her crappy looking food!