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Penis Pump Stolen By Knife-Wielding Bandit From Texas Adult Store, Zone d' Erotica

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It's unclear which penis pump the perp stole, but this one's a good bet.
It's unclear which penis pump the perp stole, but this one's a good bet.

A small time thief was about to make off with $250 from an adult store in Dallas when he realized that he had the opportunity to also steal a penis pump -- so he rose to the occasion.

Cops say the man -- still at large -- busted into Zone d' Erotica on Sunday, carrying a knife and demanding cash, according to the Dallas Observer.

Clerks gave the thug $250, but he also decided to grab a pump made for male enhancement worth another $150, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

It remains unclear who the man is or which pump he chose, but as the Observer notes, a true believer in pump action would have chosen the Dr. Joel Penis Pump System. On the Zone d' Erotica website, the pump is described as a "heavy-duty high pressure metal vacuum pump with EZ grip padded handles, professional vacuum gauge, flanged clear cylinder, non-crimping flexible hose, universal interlocking male and female connectors, quick disconnect valve, and a hygienically superior silicone vacuum seal."

All of these attributes are extremely important for "reliable use," according to the site.

The theft is still under investigation.

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