The presidential election isn't for a few weeks, but if a professional dog poop scooper is correct, Mitt Romney is going to win in the end, "litterally."
Jim Coniglione is the owner of Scoopy Doo, a dog poop collection service in Long Island, N.Y., and he predicts a win for Romney for a very peculiar reason: The majority of dog poop he's picking up looks like the former Massachusetts governor.
"I think it's because of the economy. People are giving their dogs cheaper dog food and the dogs are producing more 'product,' and that looks more like Romney," Coniglione told The Huffington Post.
The economy was worse in 2008, but Coniglione claims people were still using better-quality dog food back then and those created little loads that were more likely to resemble Barack Obama than his contender, John McCain.
Coniglione's poop poll is very likely a bunch of B.S. based on the two photos of dog doo he submitted for careful scrutiny by HuffPost staff. Neither one looks like either presidential candidate, even if one applies the concept of "pariedolia," the method that humans use to assign meaning to patterns that are actually just "visual noise."
Still, Coniglione, a self-proclaimed "Turd Whisperer," claims he's been able to correctly predict the winners of the 2000, 2004 and 2008 elections using the poop predictor and said based on his close study of his clients' dogs' doodoo, Romney has a 66 percent -- or "two turds" -- chance of winning.
He also insists that he is completely impartial and "a-poo-litical" regarding the pending election and isn't favoring one candidate over another.
"Hey, I think both candidates are crap, but that's another story," he said.
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story printed Jim Coniglione's name as Jim Castiglione.
GALLERY: PRESIDENTIAL GAG GIFTS
Romney And Obama Punching Puppets
This election season has been pretty brutal and what better way to fight out your red state-blue state issues than with <a href="http://www.punchingpoliticians.com/bozocart/pc/home.asp">punching puppets of Obama and Romney</a>? You and friend can do what you know the two candidates are dying to do: Settle it like men.
Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have made some ballsy statements this campaign and regardless of who bounces into the White House, <a href="http://www.makeaball.com/electaball">these customized balls</a> are a way to say "game on."
Presidents don't sleep very well, but the <a href="http://www.thebenjamin.com/">Benjamin Hotel</a> in New York is trying to help the candidates with two pillows that are designed to fit their different sleep styles. The Pillo1T (left), for President Barack Obama, has precisely engineered contours, shoulder cut-outs and angulated side panels for reducing stress on the head, neck and shoulders. The Boomerang Pillow, for Mitt Romney, is perfectly constructed for maximum support in any sleep position.
Presidential Hot Sauce
As things get heated during the final weeks of the campaign, so should the hot sauce, right? These <a href="http://www.davesgourmet.com/campaign2012/">presidential-themed hot sauces</a> allow the user to, in the case of the Obama sauce, adjust his presidential origin, or with the Romney version, his political opinions.
Obama Action Figure
If your daughter's Barbie wants to host a fundraising dinner for Obama, this <a href="http://www.jailbreaktoys.com/The_Obama_Action_Figure_p/ob000.htm">action figure</a> will allow him to accept the cash personally from Ken, Teddy Bear and Raggedy Ann (although, rumor has it, Raggedy Andy is more of a tea party type).
Political Party Pants
It's election day and what are you going to wear to the voting booth?<a href="http://www.bonobos.com/party-animals-political-theme-pants-democrat-donkey">These chinos</a> featuring the Republican elephant or Democratic donkey can tell people what side you're on without you saying a word.
Presidential Poop Poll
Jim Coniglione, owner of Scoopy Doo, a dog poop collection service in Long Island, N.Y., predicts Mitt Romney will win the presidential election because more dog poop is shaped like his head than President Barack Obama's.
The losing party of the election has four years to stew. That's a perfect time to enjoy <a href="http://canofcommentary.com/about">vegetable stew (with beef flavoring) that features Obama or Romney-themed package. </a>It's important to note that the stew is the same regardless of which party you support, much like the problems in the U.S. will stay the same no matter who's in charge.
These plastic wind-up toys of grinning Republican Candidate Mitt Romney and Presidential Incumbent Barack Obama come with red, white and blue candy treats. Pop open a secret hatch on the back of their head, fill with candy, wind them up and watch them leave a trail of candy poop wherever they waddle.
Mitt Romney, Barack Obama Condoms
A New York-based customized condom company has created a line of presidential campaign condoms based on Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. So far, the Obama condom is selling 6 to 7 percent better than the Romney rubber.
Mitt Romney Oven Mitt
Mitt Romney managed to handle himself in some heated presidential debates without getting burned too badly. Hopefully, that will be the case iwith the <a href="http://ovenmittromney.com/index.html" target="_hplink">Oven Mitt Romney,</a> which for $12.99 will helps customers deal with hot potatoes (not the political variety).
Barack Obama Belt
Anyone can show their support to a candidate by wearing a T-shirt, but this <a href="http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Iced-Out-Gear-Mens-President-Barack-Obama-Belt/3705718/product.html" target="_hplink">Barack Obama belt </a>will show that even if Americans have to tighten their belts, they can still look stylish doing it. It has a buckle that's as big as the ones given to rodeo champions, wrestling stars or bodybuilders.
Mitt Romney Whoopie Cushion
Mitt Romney's detractors would like to give him a big raspberry, but it may be more effective if the Bronx cheer comes from Mitt himself, in the form of this <a href="http://go-out-laughing.com/gasbags.html" target="_hplink">whoopie cushion</a> with his face on it.
In this <a href="http://www.herobuilders.com/political/politicalactionfigures2012.htm" target="_hplink">political version</a> of the old "of the old "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" game featuring the heads of Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, players mechanically manipulate the robotic candidates by pressing buttons that make them punch each other.
Hold Your Nose And Vote Clothespin
For many Americans, doing their patriotic duty to vote is compromised by the fact they think all the candidates stink. The Hold Your Nose And Vote Clothes Pin is supposed to provide some relief for what many people consider to be a malodorous prospect.
Political Party Branding Irons
The reality is, we live in a country divided into red states and blue states. When it comes to grilling, though, most people would rather have a red steak than a blue steak. <a href="http://www.greatgiftsformen.com/Political-Party-Steak-Branding-Irons-p-648.html" target="_hplink">These political branding irons</a> allow politicos to force their partisan politics on to steaks, chicken and fish.
Presidential Themed Cocktails
The election is driving a lot of people to drink, especially at the Topaz Bar in Washington, D.C., where mixologist Rico Wisner has created cocktails inspired by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. Obama's Home Sweet Home is a homage to the District's official cocktail, the Rickey, with bourbon, lime juice, club soda and a hint of pineapple juice. The Romney Float is a non-alcoholic beverage featuring root beer, whipped cream and caramel drizzle. And for those who can't resist the hard stuff, a shot of Root Organic Liquor can be added. The bar will keep a running tally of who's in the lead until the general election in November 2012.
Republicans refer to Democrats as "asses" all the time, but probably not in the way meant by <a href="http://www.onefinepieceofass.com/new-stuff/" target="_hplink">Democratease. </a>The online retailer sells undies and shirts connecting the donkey, the party's animal mascot, and asses (get it?) The company hasn't come out with a line of "trunks" related to the GOP despite the just-as-obvious connection to the party's elephant symbol.
Presidential Candidate Flip Flops
Politicians are known for flip-flopping and walking all over their constituents. These campaign-themed flip flops reverse that trend. They won't be available until after Labor Day, but <a href="http://www.flipflopshops.com/" target="_hplink">the company that makes them</a> will tally which pair gets the most sales.
Political Party Truffles
During an election year, Democrats and Republican chew each other out. <a href="http://www.moonstruckchocolate.com/c-24-election.aspx" target="_hplink">But these campaign-themed truffles</a> make it literal by being shaped like donkeys and elephants. Partisans looking for red meat won't find it here, just chocolate.
Barack Obama Throw Blanket
The economy has slowly warmed up under Barack Obama, but this <a href="http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/obama-merchandise.html">blanket that uses his presidential seal </a>might warm up your body a little quicker.