After you vote, there's really nothing left for you to do but sit back, relax and follow our live updates of the best election day humor and the funniest moments right here. Tonight, we'll be live blogging from Comedy Central's Indecision 2012 election party where there are sure to be some surprises. Read the latest updates below, follow our Twitter account for more and be sure to let us know if you have any tips that we should include.
Hey, remember Mitt Romney? Yeah, that was a thing for a few years. We don't know how it happened, either. Here's a list of what we assume future generations will mistake a "Mitt Romney" for, including:
- A type of knot
- An old time-y cocktail
- A weird sex position
- The back seat on a canoe
- That feeling where you can't remember someone's name
- The scientific name for a towel rod
- A dance
Read the rest here.
*"Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent begins playing and Mitt Romney emerges from behind a curtain, confidently walking towards the podium*
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you -- yes, clapping is a great way to display the emotion of happiness -- thank you.
My assistant just got off the phone with Barack Obama, and I was told the president conceded. Good for him. I want to congratulate him on running a campaign.
But onto more important things, tonight represents a gigantic leap forward for our nation back to traditional values. Principles that once made this nation great: Marriage is between one man and one woman; poor people should die of curable diseases; prohibition.
Our friends across the pond at HuffPost UK Comedy had the brilliant idea of adding captions to Romney's concession speech. Let's see what he was really thinking, shall we?
Roseanne Barr's campaign for president of the United States might not have been as vehement as those of Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, but the comedian managed to place fifth in the 2012 general election.
She may have accounted for 0 percent of the popular vote, but Barr actually snagged 48,797 votes, according to Google's U.S. general election results. She placed fifth in the general election behind Green Party candidate, Jill Stein, who got almost 400,000 votes, and ahead of Rocky Anderson, the former mayor of Salt Lake City, Utah.
Well, back to the drawing board!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
He lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a revolution in this country!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
The phoney electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
We'll let you know if Jon or Stephen show up...
Across the nation people in their mid-thirties are disagreeing with their parents.— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) November 7, 2012
If there's a smoking incinerator behind your polling place, there's a slight chance your vote hasn't been counted. #justawarning— Paul Feig (@paulfeig) November 7, 2012
Play our official election night drinking game while watching the election results. Here's a sneak peek:
Our deputy editor Ross Luippold had one takeaway from this election: Having opinions about politics is extremely important.
Well, folks, this election season is reaching its end. As much fun as I had following the candidates, the issues that face our country and even the more lighthearted side of the presidential campaign, what I'm really going to miss the most is the opportunity to develop unique, important political opinions that I could express to anyone within earshot.
Read the whole thing here: "I Really Enjoy Having A Lot Of Political Opinions"
Normally, candidate stories told on the campaign trail go something along the lines of, "I met a woman from Ohio who agreed with everything I've ever said/done." But sometimes, the campaign trail stories are more dramatic... A LOT more dramatic. Can you tell the difference between a campaign tale and a movie character back story? Take our quiz and find out!
Onion News Network isn't ruling anything out tonight, such is the nature of this random universe we inhabit.