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Kaitlin Olson Talks 'Molesty' Recurring Dream, Sticky Finger Past For HuffPost's #nofilter

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KAITLIN OLSON
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These days, our knowledge of celebrities too often originates with paparazzi images and snarky quotes by anonymous "insiders." After a while, it's easy to forget that stars are real people. That's why HuffPost Celebrity decided to launch its all-new #nofilter quick-fire question and answer series. Because how well do you know someone until they've shared their guiltiest pleasures?

Kaitlin Olson may play always-up-to-no-good, completely immoral, moneygrubbing Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds on FX's "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," but in real life, she's just a normal "Real Housewives"-watching mom ... well, that's not entirely true.

What exactly would land this mommy on death row, how did her first crime literally leave her with sticky fingers, and what happens in her recurring "molesty" dream? We decided to find out when Olson agreed to take HuffPost's #nofilter challenge.

What's your guiltiest pleasure?
The "Real Housewives" of wherever.

If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?
Sushi, parmesan truffle fries and cupcakes. And a ridiculous amount of wine. Can you get drunk before they kill you?

How did you get on death row?
Someone probably said something was "epic" too many times.

What shows are always on your DVR?
"Boardwalk Empire," "Mad Men," "60 Minutes," "Game of Thrones," "Sesame Street."

Have you ever stolen anything?
When I was about six, my brother and I were in a grocery store with my mom. We found glue. We put it all over our hands to let it dry and peel it off because it looked like skin and for some reason that was fun. When my mom saw what we did she went and found the manager and made us tell him what happened. It was humiliating. I've never stolen glue again.

What's your dating deal-breaker?
Bad breath.

What's your go-to excuse?
A sick baby.

What's one thing you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of someone else?
Pump breast milk. This thing sucks my nipples out into a shape that even I don't want to see.

What's on your nightstand?
A lamp, an alarm clock set by satellite that is always a little off, and about 10 books about how to raise awesome kids.

If failure weren't an option, what's one thing you would do?
I feel like I kind of already did it! Pack up an old Jeep Cherokee and move to LA to be an actor! Now? I'd just like to be good at sports. I'm extremely competitive with absolutely nothing to back it up.

How do you feel about scooped-out bagels?
I feel really great about them in sandwich form. But ideally I'd eat the scooped out part and throw the rest away. It's softer. Softer is better, everybody knows that.

Who's your ideal drinking buddy, living or dead?
J.C. -- unlimited wine.

What happens in your recurring dream?
Ew. I'm a little kid and I'm playing with my brother in our upstairs playroom with no parents home. It's almost dark and I can't see anything very well. I hear someone walking up the stairs and get really excited because my mom's home but she doesn't answer when I call to her. Then the footsteps get closer and closer and they are too heavy and I know it's not her. I wake up right when the doorknob turns. Creepy. Molesty. Thanks for asking.

If you could ask Kim Kardashian any question, what would it be?
Can I have your face?

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