Do you have a small child I can borrow? Or trade you for? I will swap you one teenager and one ten-year-old who are totally capable of shoveling snow or taking out the trash for one small child who is still enamored with the holiday season. Because these older kids suck. Do you know why Christmas is such a magical, fun, enjoyable time with kids? Because some kids aren’t old enough to suck all of the joy out of the holiday season with their disbelief and constant eye-rolling and refusal to watch Rankin Bass holiday specials and their boring stupid Christmas lists filled with boring stupid presents like “clothes” and “iTunes gift cards.” The magic is dead for some of my children, and I’m longing for the days when they were little and would lose their little minds over something little, like a damn candy cane.