Before you decorate your tree, remember, not all ornaments are created equal. It doesn't matter whether they're store-bought or handmade, just so long as they don't feature internal organs, weaponry or sexy mermen.

Consider this collection of photos a cautionary tale for your Christmas tree. There's just no good explanation for any of these. (Some are slightly NSFW, so proceed with caution.)

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  • Starting Off Strong

    Um, yes, just yes.

  • Is This A Trend?

    He's also a doctor!

  • This Is 100% A Trend

    Some erotica author needs to get on this instantly.

  • That's A Little Rude

    She's a person, after all.

  • Pro-Life Or Pro-Choice Ornament?

    One thing there is a plethora of is embryo ornaments.

  • Bloody Eyeball

    Nothing says the holidays like a bloody eyeball.

  • Oh Wait...

    No, just kidding nothing says the holidays like a fleshy eyeball.

  • Santa Brain

    That's how he knows who's been naughty or nice.

  • XBox Ornament

    An ornament to commemorate the year you got that XBox.

  • Deranged Tree

    This ornament serves as a warning for the actual tree to stay in line.

  • Kidney Ornament

    Literal body organs make the holiday festive.

  • Deranged Baby

    This is a good gift for your newborn baby to remind him that you think babies are a little creepy.

  • Octopus Eyeball

    This one is a real conversation starter.

  • Bloody Santa

    Maybe next year you'll remember to put out the fire before you go to bed.

  • Embryo Covered In Bacon

    Did you ever think you'd read those words typed together?

  • Whatever This Thing Is...

    A monster stealing a cookie?

  • Spaghetti Monster

    Because you really just have to include this ornament.

  • Dead Santa

    Here's great way to teach your children about death.

  • Decapitated Head

    Who can forget the classic Christmas story about the beheading of Charlie?

  • Da Bomb

    Ok, this is pretty adorable.

  • Fish Fishing With A Marshmallow

    Yeah, that makes sense.

  • Winnie The Pooh In A Bikini

    He's pretty self-conscious.

  • A Dog Queen?

    That's what we're going with, dog queen.

  • Scandalous Elves

    Hey, keep it in your Santa hat.

  • Santa Kidnapping A Small Boy

    Is this an old tradition we don't know about?

  • Reddit Alien

    Terrific!

  • Jersey Shore Castmembers

    Get out of here!

  • Crying Baby

    Or hungry baby?

  • Nudist Santa

    Not you too Mrs. Claus!

  • Drunk Frog?

    That peppermint is laced with vodka.

  • Messed Up Angel

    Not every angel looks alike.

  • Scariest Animal On The Planet Award

    Why shark ornament, why?

  • Lovable Ninja

    This picture was also taken perfectly.

  • Female Ravioli

    That bow makes eating that ravioli all the sadder.

  • Star Face

    If you can't decide between having an angel or a star.

  • Power Drill?

    Or also, straight up gun.

  • Freaky Frankenstein

    These two deserve to be on your tree.

  • Mustache

    To commemorate your Movember look.

  • Christmas Mouse

    She's a reject from the muppets.

  • Handgun

    No!!

  • Christmas Gets Commercial

    Geico, get out of here.

  • Snowmen Sex

    Here's how to show your family you're a little wacky.

  • GROSS!

    There were definitely more than one of these.

  • Breast Ornament

    Festive!

  • Used Tampon

    Here's one thing that never needs to be personified.