There exists a large body of songs named after women who ruined, inspired or ignored musicians. An even larger cast of influential women resides in the lyrics of songs with names like "Freek-a-Leek." And sometimes, these women go from being anecdotes in the lives of rappers and rockstars to generation-spanning symbols of seduction, sweetness, evil and/or any combination therein.
When that happens, it's probably best to avoid naming a child after a character in such a song. Consider this: Studies have shown that poorly chosen baby names can send your adorable bundle of joy down a path riddled with self-confidence issues and addiction. The wrong name can even cause your child to be ignored by teachers or stay single ... forever.
So should you name your daughter Roxanne? It's important to remember that a good number of the songs in the gallery that follow are written by men, so their perspective is neither authoritative nor objective. Just because some rockstar had a weird thing for some woman who was or wasn't actually named Sharona doesn't necessarily mean much. What it does mean: They'll be on the receiving end of an untold number of lame jokes.
This story appears in Issue 32 of our weekly iPad magazine, Huffington, in the iTunes App store, available Friday, Jan. 18.
<strong>Michael Jackson - Dirty Diana</strong> Michael Jackson had a knack for indicting groupies, both here and on "Billie Jean." Show us a Diana born after this song came out that hasn't been called "Dirty Diana" at least once.
Shameka, Kesha, Tara, Shonda, Sabrina, Crystal, Deronda, Felicia, Tanesha, Sha'von, Yolanda, Monique, Christina, Teresa
<strong>Petey Pablo - "Freek-a-Leek"</strong> Petey Pablo describes these women as enjoying oral sex that's performed on them by another female, because he's "not drunk enough to do that." Then again, these women also "make a name for [themselves]" and "do [their] sh-t well."
<strong>Tommy Tutone - 867-5309 (Jenny)</strong> Aside from the fact that this song is among the most annoying tunes of all time, everyone knows your phone number. WELP.
<strong>The Knack - My Sharona</strong> It doesn't really get much creepier than this song, which includes the line, "running down the length of my thigh, Sharona." Good luck naming your daughter Sharona now!
<strong>Eminem - Kim</strong> Yikes.
<strong>Another Bad Creation - Iesha</strong> Lyrically, there's nothing too foul here. This song is just embarrassing.
<strong>The Police - Roxanne</strong> The thing about Roxanne is that even if she doesn't have to put on the red light <em>tonight</em>, she definitely has to some other night.
<strong>Weezer - Jamie</strong> Jamie seems like a really nice girl (she likes the Beach Boys!), but she really hurt the protagonist in this song. She hurt him "so much," and he still loves her "so much."
<strong>Simon & Garfunkel - Cecilia</strong> "Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia, up in my bedroom (making love). I got up to wash my face. When I come back to bed, someone's taken my place." That's really fast and mean.
<strong>Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom</strong> No one wants to be famous for having a hot mom.
<strong>Something Corporate - Konstantine </strong> Konstantine is not that common of a name, and Something Corporate really only matters to folks currently in the 20s. But for that demographic, the mention of Konstantine brings back a sea of teenage emotions unfit for the real world.
<strong>Cedric Gervais - Have You Seen Molly?</strong> Molly is now just a party drug. There are no people named Molly anymore.
<strong>Barry Manilow - Mandy</strong> No one wants to share a name with a Barry Manilow song.
<strong>The Kinks - Lola</strong> She's either Barry Manilow's showgirl (shudder) or a fast young transgender woman from the club, as in the Kinks' song by the same name.
<strong>The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby</strong> It was kind of the Beatles to give Eleanor a last name, because if we're being honest, she lived a pretty dreary life. She sat by the window, no one came. She died, no one came to her funeral.
<strong>Beck - Debra</strong> Debra's the kind of girl who only comes into the picture because her sister who works at JC Penny is sleeping with a sleazebag named Beck.
<strong>Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah</strong> This song was so overplayed that the very mention of "Delilah" is sure to conjure annoyance in anyone who listens to the radio.
<strong>Los del Rio - Macarena</strong> Little-known fact: Macarena is a woman's name. Carry on.
<strong>Dolly Parton - Jolene</strong> Jolene's a crazy homewrecker! Avoid her at all costs!
<strong>Train - Meet Virginia</strong> Homegirl doesn't own a dress, her hair's always a mess and she doesn't care about a thing.
<strong>Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy</strong> Britney took a name and made it part of a weird acronym-thingy for sex. Game over, Amys of the world!
<strong>The Rolling Stones - Miss Amanda Jones</strong> "Down and down she goes," "she looks quite delightfully stoned" and "she's losing her nobility"? No thanks!
Stephanie, Caroline, Candy
<strong>The Velvet Underground - Stephanie Says</strong> <strong>Lou Reed - Caroline Says Parts I II</strong> <strong>The Velvet Underground - Candy Says</strong> Steph (really Steven, the band's manager) "gave half her (his) life to people she hates now." Is that the fate you'd wish upon a child? Caroline's suffering a similar fate, though she's more explicitly described as a speedfreak who gets abused. And Candy? She hates herself.