Someone did a very crappy thing to Randy Nemirsky — they stole the outhouse on his farm near Edmonton, Alberta.
As you might expect, he wants it back, badly, and is offering a $507 reward to the person who brings back the toilet.
The reasons why he wants it returned so much are both personal and, well, personal.
He built the outhouse with his son Nick last year after tearing down the previous privy that had been on the grounds of his family farm since 1936.
“We planned this summer to rebuild the old outhouse there and we dug the hole and it was a whole summer project,” he told CBS.ca.
The Nemirskys finished the project last August, but, come October, all that was left was a hole in the ground and a few boards scattered around it.
"I think at least four to six guys had to come here to do this ... two guys? No way they could do this," Nemirsky said, according to UPI. "You spent time building it, and where do you go now? I can build another one, but how low can you go to steal a man's privy?"
Nemirsky is keeping an eye on nearby fields and farms for the outlaws with the outhouse.
People in the area who want to help should be on the lookout for an 8-foot-tall structure made from plywood and two-by-fours with a soft-seat toilet cover and an 80-year-old door from his mother's basement, according to HuffPost Canada.
Nemirsky may not be flush with cash, but he doesn't mind offering the reward if it brings back the commode.
“If someone can find me the toilet, I’ll pay,” Nemirsky told the Edmonton Journal.
He estimates it cost him about $500 to build the privy, including a table saw he bought for the project.
“It’s worth it to me. The biggest thing is my time," he told the paper.
In Case You Forgot...
...Sometimes people find giant snakes in their toilets. Now, go ahead, have a seat!
The Definition Of America?
We don't even know why we put a question mark there. This is the definition of America.
Don't Sit Down
Not exactly what we want staring us down as we enter the bathroom.
Perfect for anyone who's ever dreamed of relieving oneself in a light house.
A Gory Scene
You probably won't make it to the toilet in time after seeing this.
King Kong Cover
If by "VIP" you mean "literally anyone," then yes.
Playboy To The Max
Be sure to keep a copy of Playboy nearby to really complete the look.
You guests will be in the bathroom twice as long as they attempt to read the entire lid.
Those kittens look really sad. We think we know why.
Wrong On So Many Levels
Hasn't it been said that he died on the toilet?
Have you ever seen a bear go to the bathroom? It's horrific.
Elmo Playing Football
Now we're just confused.
High School Musical Cover
We're sick of seeing this print on cars, T-shirts and just about everything else. But now this?
For someone who REALLY loves dogs.
Hardcore Toilet Cover
Show your guests how tough you REALLY are.
Will This Make You Remember?
This could actually get confusing.
Too Many Wolves
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Wolf_Moon">But where is the moon?</a>
Cute, but why?
Who lives in a pineapple under your... toilet?
Dogs & Leashes
There are so many better ways to show the world you love pugs.
Imagine seeing this in someone's house who DOESN'T have kids.
Now if this was a tribute to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/05/crasher-seal-photobombs-g_n_411767.html">crasher seal</a>, then we'd be into it.