All you have in this world is your reputation.
That's good news if you're Lance Armstrong in 2005, bad news if your Lance Armstrong in 2013, and even worse news if your Gregory Mattew Bruni, whose fate was sealed with the headline "Rough Day For Alleged Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator."
Two residents of North Fort Meyers, Fla., came home one night this week to find Bruni on their roof, naked. He allegedly went on a rampage in their home, pulling the TV off the wall, pleasuring himself in unspeakable ways, even sucking the contents of a vacuum and spiting it out at them.
Steven Hoffer wrote what I'm ready to declare a classic weird news headline. Hilary Hanson found and wrote the story. And in another moment of inspiration, Andy Campbell summarized the charges against Bruni, in a story that's gotten 15,000 Facebook shares -- and 71,000 likes -- to date.
Giovanna Plowman, a young woman now famous for sticking her own bloody tampon in her mouth, must also be worrying about what's left of her reputation. HuffPost Weird News shared this video on Facebook, resulting in many of us being suspended by the social network. So much for our reputation.
As we look back on the weird week that was, others have some explaining to do: German soldiers are sprouting breasts; a 5-foot-4 woman is celebrating her record-setting 8-foot-hips; a "cleaning fairy" can't keep himself out of trouble; a tipsy mom got stuck in her toddler's high chair; and a man who had sex with a miniature donkey has had another brush with the law.
What's the weirdest story of the week? Scroll through the gallery and vote below: