The world is filled with strange and wonderful people. Sometimes, if we're lucky, they end up on the news. To wit: the awesome interview subjects below.

From the man whose job description reads, "Writer, Wizard, Mall Santa, Rasputin Impersonator" to the "Freelance Sperm Donor", each caption will have you asking two questions: A) how do I become besties with this person?, and B) how do I get their job?

Take a look at the 16 best people on the news ever, and let us know who is your favorite. (Hands off "Airport Dude", we saw him first.)

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  • Meatball Enthusiast

    Aren't we all?

  • Angry Cat Owner

    Is there any other kind?

  • Teen Exorcist

    For Brynne, exorcism isn't just a fun after-school activity, it's her life.

  • Writer/Wizard/Mall Santa/Rasputin Impersonator

    Where does he find the time?

  • Airport Dude

    Want.

  • One Angry Guy

    Update: This news story made Gerald extremely angry.

  • Erotic Boutique Owner

    Helen Wolff had always been wild, but opening an erotic boutique at 65, was a shock to everyone.

  • Freelance Sperm Donor

    He's all about giving.

  • Wedgie-Proof Inventor

    Wait, is this a wedgie-proof item of some kind or a wedgie-related theorem?

  • Likes Portable Toilets

    Not loves... likes.

  • Unprofessional Waxer

    He just can't commit to pursuing it professionally.

  • Lives Behind Gas Station

    Alternate option: Wears Bear Hat Near Gas Station

  • Not Wearing Any Pants

    And proud of it!

  • Guy Who's Not Dead

    When you think about it, it's pretty surprising that any of us are here.

  • Urinated In Reservoir

    He pees by his own rules.

  • Cool Kid

    Did he become cool before or after he got on the news?

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