When the zombies finally take over, all beautiful women will have red-flecked, gooey faces.
But it will be blood and guts dripping from their cheeks and chins, not tomato sauce.
This week HuffPost Weird News didn't just passively report Pizza Hut's release of pizza perfume, a fragrance any self-respecting woman would proudly wear, if she were at her own murder trial pleading insanity.
Instead, we staged our own Vogue-style perfume ad. HuffPost's house photographer Damon Dahlen conceptualized and shot the spot. Weird News editor Emily Thomas grabbed a bridesmaid gown from HuffPost Style's legendary fashion closet, and played the part to comic perfection.
Andy Campbell called Pizza Hut for comment. They declined. One flack did note, however, that the pizza in our goofy ad was not Pizza Hut's.
You nailed us, PH. We'll settle for a non-franchise NYC street slice any day -- even smeared on our faces Emily Thomas style.
Emily's grandmother was among the first to comment on this story. We know now where she gets her sense of humor.
As for the cloying fragrance, it might rightly be renamed "eau d'Cinnabon."
Meanwhile, the zombies were taking over, at least according to KRTV, a Montana TV station that was hacked so that its emergency broadcast system played an alert warning that "dead bodies are rising from their graves."
At the same time, the residents of Kingston, R.I., faced the monstrous reality of a 12-foot ice penis looming over its town.
The pricksicle quickly became the town's leading controversy. With police breathing down her neck, Raylene Worthington, mother of the 16-year-old responsible for the snow sculpture, took it down. She told us, "It's just a big pair of balls now."
In other news, Lee Speigel reported on the DNA tests that may confirm the existence of Bigfoot, while Mexico finally laid to rest Julia Pastrana, better known as the "Ape Woman."
The remains of the hairy-faced woman -- a singing, dancing carnival star more than a century and a half ago -- had been saved as a collectable, much like the taxidermy two-headed turtle my wife bought me for Christmas.
We're not saying Bigfoot exists -- and if Lee Speigel doubts the DNA tests, so do I -- but the weird news world has seen many strange things, even this week, including a two-legged cat and a one-ton, 20-foot crocodile, named Lolong.
The Guinness-celebrated giant reptile enjoyed an elaborate, flower-laden funeral in the Philippines, despite the fact he was accused of killing people.
And if you, too, are now in the mood for condolences, watch members of HuffPost Weird News and AOL dance in our belated version of the Harlem Shake
But what was the weirdest story of the week? You decide. Scroll through the gallery and vote below.