Seth MacFarlane hosted the 2013 Oscars and didn't waste anytime before making some jokes about the ladies. We learned a few things: Seth MacFarlane likes boobs. Seth MacFarlane thinks eating disorders are funny. And Seth MacFarlane's one-liners would make the worst pick-up lines ever.

Here are some of Seth MacFarlane's Oscar quotes that would never ever get you a date:

"We saw your boobs"

seth macfarlane oscar Boobs? Probably not the best thing to bring up when you're trying to get her number.

“'Django' is a movie where a woman is subjected to violence, or as we call it, a Chris Brown and Rihanna date movie.”

seth macfarlane quotes
Domestic violence is not like dating, Seth.

On Quvenzhané Wallis: "To give you an idea of how young she is, it'll be 16 years until she's too old for Clooney."

seth macfarlane
Yes, this is more of a jab at Clooney than women, but joking about dating underage girls? You'll have better luck hitting on Clooney.

"['Zero Dark Thirty' is an example of] a woman’s innate ability to never let anything go."

seth macfarlane quotes
Just what every woman wants, to be called a nag.

On Jennifer Aniston: "At least one [of them] is honest about being a former exotic dancer."

seth macfarlane opening
You might as well ask, "Are you sure you weren't a stripper once?"

"And those of you [beautiful women] who gave yourselves the flu two weeks ago to 'get there'? It paid off."

seth macfarlane quotes
Any woman dating Seth MacFarlane should know at the outset that disordered eating is expected and appreciated.

"In a minute, Rex Reed will be out here to review Adele's performance of Skyfall."

seth macfarlane
And that your weight will always be up for discussion.

On Salma Hayek, Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz: "We have no idea what they're saying but we don't care because they're so attractive."

seth macfarlane academy awards
FYI: Usually women (and men) want you listening to their words, Seth.

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  • Ben Affleck

  • Daniel Day-Lewis & Meryl Streep

  • First lady Michelle Obama

  • Jack Nicholson

  • Kristin Chenoweth & Seth MacFarlane

  • Jennifer Lawrence

  • Jennifer Lawrence

  • Jean Dujardin

  • Daniel Day-Lewis

  • Ang Lee

  • Charlize Theron & actor Dustin Hoffman

  • Quentin Tarantino

  • Paul Epworth & Adele

  • Richard Gere, actresses Renee Zellweger, Queen Latifah & Catherine Zeta-Jones

  • Tom Hooper, Anne Hathaway

  • Barbra Streisand

  • Norah Jones

  • George Clooney

  • Salma Hayek

  • Nicole Kidman

  • Nicole Kidman

  • Daniel Radcliffe & Kristen Stewart

  • Hugh Jackman & Anne Hathaway

  • Adele

  • Anne Hathaway

  • Amanda Seyfried, Samantha Barks & Eddie Redmayne

  • Mark Wahlberg

  • The Cast of Les Miserables

  • Jennifer Garner & Jessica Chastain

  • Anne Hathaway

  • Jennifer Hudson

  • Hugh Jackman

  • John Travolta

  • Michael Haneke

  • Ben Affleck & Malik Bendjelloul

  • Catherine Zeta-Jones

  • Julie Dartnell & Lisa Westcott

  • Ben Affleck

  • Liam Neeson

  • Channing Tatum & Jennifer Aniston

  • Halle Berry

  • Shawn Christensen

  • Shirley Bassey

  • Seth MacFarlane

  • Jamie Foxx & Kerry Washington

  • Claudio Miranda, Robert Downey Jr., Samuel L. Jackson

  • John Kahrs

  • Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott

  • Mark Andrews

  • Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner & Samuel L. Jackson

  • Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy