We, here at HuffPost Gay Voices, are super excited to present a new feature called Love Files.
Gay Voices' Love Files is a love and sex advice series we've pulled together that will showcase an amazing panel of sex and love aficionados. We've been lucky to have some really great people on hand to help us answer some of your more intimate questions and dish on their own experiences.
If you have a question you'd like a hand with, let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org
Here is this week's question:
I think something a lot of people have trouble with is the "straight friend who knows you're gay and gets gay with you when they've been drinking." I had a situation unravel (it was a decade-long unraveling) and it was so incredibly upsetting. Confessions of undying love, regretting the initial rejection, verbalizing actual feelings but only when drunk. It was a huge problem that escalated for me and the only thing I could do was post to a forum (this one, if you're curious). No one could help me. So the whole situation exploded. I don't need assistance anymore because it is over. Forever. But I know this is a common issue and I'm not the only one who has/is experiencing this.
Below, we've rounded up the advice from our four amazing panelists. Share your own thoughts and advice in the comments or tweet them to us on Twitter, we'll keep collecting and highlighting some of our favorite responses.
Jincey Lumpkin, Esq
I've heard a lot about this kind of thing. I have one "straight" friend who always gives me a hard time about being gay but then drinks and gets touchy-feely. I'm not attracted to her, so it's not an issue for me. However, if I did feel an attraction, I can see how confusing that would be. I read your forum posting, and it sounds like this girl is really working you over. She's tormented, you're being pulled in, and she's constantly rejecting you. She's giving you a lot of mixed messages. There's a lot of heavy history between the two of you. I really think the best thing is to try to back away and cut her out of your life. She's not a good friend, and she's not good girlfriend material. In this situation, I think you're only setting yourself up for more heartbreak. <em>Click here to follow Jincey <a href="https://twitter.com/JuicyJincey">on Twitter</a> Click here to learn more about <a href="http://juicypinkbox.tumblr.com/">Juicy Pink Box</a> </em>
You are right -- you're not the only one who has had this type of experience, so thanks for putting it out there. If you would have asked me when it was happening, I would have suggested that you tell him or her to get some professional help (like therapy) -- and that you could not continue to be friends until he or she did. I'm sure it was a very uncomfortable situation, and there is no reason you should tolerate being put in that position. So, the other side of the problem is the part that you played by participating in the relationship for so long. It is important to take care of yourself, so you may also need some help with learning to set healthy boundaries in order to avoid a getting into this type of unfulfilling relationship again. <em>Click here to follow <a href="http://twitter.com/BuckAngel">Buck Angel on Twitter</a> Click here to learn more about <a href="http://www.buckangel.com/index.html">Buck Angel's current projects</a></em>
My advice for those who wish to find healthy reciprocal love is to find a partner as gay or as straight as you are and can express themselves and their true feelings without inebriation. If someone needs to get smashed to say they love you, then that might not be real love, or the kind of love you need. Many people confuse lust and love but they are two very different things and when you can line these separate desires up with another person (or more) then you have yourself a potential match made in heaven. <em>Click here to follow Eyal <a href="https://twitter.com/boybutter">on Twitter</a>. Click here to learn more about <a href="http://www.boybutter.com/">Boy Butter</a>. Click here to fan Eyal and Boy Butter <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Boy-Butter-Lubricants/77600727745?fref=ts">on Facebook</a>.</em>
According to the research, the majority of people have sex only after they've had 2-3 drinks. What this means is that most of us are dealing with a tremendous amount of sexual repression and need a little help from our chemical friends to move past our inhibitions and be ourselves. I can hear the pain in your question and know how it feels to care for someone who doesn't care for themselves. Ultimately, this isn't your problem and there's nothing you can do to help them accept their sexual orientation. To let go of the disappointment and hurt feelings, you need to get to a place where you feel compassion for them. <em> Click here to <a href="https://twitter.com/dodsonandross">follow Carlin on Twitter</a>. </em>