Following Ryan Gosling's announcement that he would take a hiatus from acting — "I need a break from myself as much as I imagine the audience does" — the female world reacted with grief and denial. There were supercuts to "delay Ryan Gosling withdrawal." There were hundreds of GIFs "to keep you warm while he's away." Today video streaming site Blinkbox introduced the Gosline, a hotline that plays lines from Gosling's movies to "reliev[e] the pain and hurt." If Ryan Gosling is America's imaginary boyfriend, then this hotline is the equivalent of America curling up in her bedroom after a breakup and listening to her ex-boyfriend's old voice messages for hours on end while sobbing.
And so the time has come for America's imaginary best friend to come over, rend the cellphone from her hand, and force her into a party dress so she can go out and meet someone new. You need to get over Ryan Gosling, America. All the "hey girl" memes in the world cannot change the fact that Ryan Gosling is just not that into you.