Huffpost Comedy

Craigslist Bike Ad Is A Thing Of Poetry

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CRAIGSLIST BIKE
Craigslist

Some men were born to be artists. Others, captain of industry. But we found one guy whose calling is clear: Writing Craigslist ads.

The seller, Ryan, is a New York-based cyclist who needs to get rid of his bicycle, so he put it up on Craigslist with a moving (and verbose) testimonial of why his bike is so great.

A few choice excerpts:

What makes this bike so much better than every other bike that has ever been pedaled? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man were a bike. That's bold, son. Curb appeal. It's probably also why some piece of trash stole the front tire that originally came with this beauty. Why didn't he steal the whole bike? Because he knew he wasn't man enough. That's ok, I replaced it with something that looks even more boss.

And:

It offers 3 speeds, as the name implies. It also offers a terrific chance to introduce that dome of yours to the asphalt if you fucking sleep for one single second on this bitch. So don't trip. Ride safe. Get a helmet and if you've never ridden a fixed gear bike, maybe it's time to move along, young sir because this back tire doesn't flip flop and it doesn't offer any respite.

Suffice to say, if he doesn't sell this bike soon, the written word is dead. Check out the whole ad here.

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