If you're using your umbrella to, say, keep yourself dry in the rain, you're using it wrong. At least, that's the logical conclusion to draw after looking at stock photos of women using the rainy-day accessories.
Ignore the incredibly awkward poses and inexplicable situations -- these photos provide a clear guide to umbrella usage for the modern woman. We've rounded up some of the more creative ways women use umbrellas according to stock image photographers (who may or may not have actually met real, live women before).
LOOK: 9 Ways Women Use Umbrellas, According To Stock Photos
Thankfully, this woman had an umbrella handy when the torrential donut downpour hit.
Umbrellas: Best used on a sunny, 75-degree day -- sans shoes and gravity.
Double up on umbrellas to create a mobile cocoon in your favorite color.
Umbrellas conveniently allow you to break out into song under any weather conditions. Extra points if you share said umbrella with someone who's wearing an outfit that matches yours.
What better use for an umbrella than as a visual metaphor in an interpretive dance?
Umbrellas also make great props for brooding during artfully disheveled photoshoots.
Back in the day, umbrellas made fabulously stylish weaponry. Ready, aim, fire?
"Is it raining under the cover of this cement structure? Better break out the umbrella just to be safe."
The best way women use umbrellas? They don't -- they hire dapper, younger men to use them instead.