Joan Rivers' Birthday: Her Funniest Fashion Disses (PHOTOS)

06/08/2013 09:03 am ET | Updated Jun 08, 2013

No one dishes it out quite like Joan Rivers. The fiery Fashion Policewoman is always willing to express her opinion, whether you wanted to hear it or not.

Rivers may court controversy with her offensive opinions, but there's something to be said about the TV personality's commitment to her comments. Joan is a woman who doesn't back down from her beliefs, and even her costars aren't safe from the fashion commentator's razor-sharp tongue.

In honor of Joan's 80th birthday (!) on June 8, we've compiled the pithiest style insults and advice attributed to the comic. Now, we can't wait to hear the zingers she comes up with as a Wife Swapper...

"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day."

"You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it."

joan rivers birthday

"I said to my husband, my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs. He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'"

"I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'"

joan rivers birthday

"The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud."

"Does fashion matter? Always -- though not quite as much after death."

joan rivers birthday

"[Her] face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn."

"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."

joan rivers birthday

"I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore Angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet."

"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

joan rivers birthday

"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."

"I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented."

joan rivers birthday

"Grandchildren can be so f***ing annoying. How many times can you go, 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel."

"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

joan rivers birthday

"The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping."

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