The divorce has been finalized, and you've arrived at the acceptance stage. You think to yourself, "It's all done now! But wait... why do I feel so awful and lost?"
The truth is, many women feel this way post-divorce. All of the support they had is now gone, and they're left to figure out what comes next. This can leave them feeling insecure and depressed. Maybe you feel this way? Having been there myself, I have come up with five ways you can transform the feelings of loss into something positive and make the most of your situation for the future.
1. Do all the things you have always dreamed of. There's no time like the present. Why not take your new free time to do all the things you never got around to when you were married? Make a list of things you wish you had done, and go for it. After my divorce, I started singing again and decided to paint. It brought me a lot of joy, which allowed me to seek joy in the small things -- which, after all, make all the difference.
2. Travel. A change is as good as a rest! I find this to be so true. When I felt lost and scared post-divorce, I decided to take myself to Sri Lanka, which did me a world of good. Travel is an opportunity to meet new people, experience new things, and see how others live -- people who have had different experiences, and perhaps don't have as much as we do. It's an amazing way to create the feeling of well-being, and it tends to put things into perspective.
3. Purchase a new wardrobe. I did this, and it was amazing. Something deep inside of me wanted a massive change, and I felt like a shoot coming out of a seed -- I wanted to pop open! And with that, I threw out all of my black clothes -- which just made me look frumpy -- got myself a stylist and shook it all up! It was an amazing experience. And in doing this, I managed to attract my partner (and we will be getting married soon). He saw the real me for the first time. So chuck out the old to bring in the new!
4. Splurge on yourself. If you spend money on yourself, you will start to feel that you're worth it. I found that doing nice stuff for myself, even though I may not have wanted to at the time, made a really big difference to the way I felt. I would go to a spa or buy myself some roses. I would do the things that my ex used to do for me, so that I could get in touch with what it means to treat myself like my own best friend. Waiting for someone else to do this for us is like saying that you can't do it yourself, which isn't true. So go ahead and do something nice for yourself: Buy yourself dinner, some roses, or even some new earrings.
5. Get the support you need. An important way to move on after divorce is to hang around people that are right for you, who inspire you, and who will take you where you want to go. I believe that you become who you surround yourself with, and I now notice that my circle of friends has completely changed. This philosophy has tremendously helped me to move on. In fact, I don't know about you, but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, as most of my couple friends didn't want to hang around a single chick!
In short, learn to inspire yourself and become your own best friend by doing lovely things for yourself that will nurture your soul and help you embrace how amazing you really are!
More Stories On YourTango:
- 12 Ways To Avoid A Broken Heart
- Time To Move On: 10 Things You Need To Replace After Your Divorce
- 30 People We Wouldn’t Want To Date
- The Best Sex Position For Female Orgasm
- 10 Celebrity Sex Tape Scandals You May Have Missed
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Peter Facinelli <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2012/03/28/peter-facinelli-divorce-jennie-garth/">filed for divorce</a> from Jennie Garth in March 2012, after <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20582221,00.html">11 years of marriage </a>and three children together. In November 2012, the former "90210" actress sat down with Jeff Probst to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/02/jennie-garth-divorce-actr_n_2066981.html">discuss her newly single status</a>. "The minute I think I’m ready to start dating I’m like, 'Oh no you’re not,'" <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/02/jennie-garth-divorce-actr_n_2066981.html">she told the host</a>. "I just don't know how to date," <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/02/jennie-garth-divorce-actr_n_2066981.html">she later admitted</a>. But apparently Garth is learning the ropes once again. She is rumored to be dating <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20663930,00.html">Big Giant drummer Jeremy Salken. </a>
Louis C.K. and painter Alix Bailey <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/louis-ck-5-things-you-dont-know-2012219">divorced in 2008</a>. In a 2010 interview with <a href="http://www.npr.org/2010/07/07/128343426/comedian-louis-c-k-finding-laughs-post-divorce">NPR's Terry Gross</a>, the comedian opened up about <a href="http://www.npr.org/2010/07/07/128343426/comedian-louis-c-k-finding-laughs-post-divorce">his experience dating again</a> after the split. "You sort of feel like you just got out of prison," <a href="http://www.npr.org/2010/07/07/128343426/comedian-louis-c-k-finding-laughs-post-divorce">C.K. explained. </a>"And they give you the suit you were convicted in. And they give you a paper bag with a watch and a wallet in it. And they give you eight bucks and a bus ticket and the cars are going way too fast and you can't cross the street -- and you're considering going into a motel and hanging yourself after carving your initials. And you know, there's not a lot of women my age who're single. If they're single it's because something happened -- or didn't happen -- so I started immediately dating women who were younger than me. That's a very strange dynamic. And from their point of view, it's like they're dating a dead person. It's like a corpse. That's how I see myself through their eyes."
Eva Longoria <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2010/11/16/eva-longoria-tony-parker-divorce-san-antonio-spurs-desperate-housewives/">filed for divorce</a> from NBA basketball player Tony Parker in November 2010 amid <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20442932,00.html">rumors of his infidelity</a>. In <a href="http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/the-conversation-with-amanda-de-cadenet/episodes/season-1">May 2012</a>, the former "Desperate Housewives" star <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwaRJr9qUrA">sat down with Amanda de Cadenet </a>to talk about re-entering the dating world post-split. "I remember a friend of mine got divorced right before me when it wasn't even on my radar to be divorced and I go, 'How exciting! Aren't you excited? You get to date people, you get to have a first kiss, a first date, a first sex with somebody. Isn't that great? It's gonna be fun!'" <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwaRJr9qUrA">Longoria said</a>. "And she was like, 'No, I'm terrified.' I'm like, 'Why?' She's beautiful, she's gorgeous, she's smart. And then when I got divorced, she was like, 'Aren't you excited?' And I was like, 'No, f*** you! Don't give me my advice!'"
Eddie Cibrian <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20300442,00.html">filed for divorce</a> from Brandi Glanville -- his wife of eight years -- in August 2009. In October 2012, the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/brandi-glanville-i-dont-date-but-i-make-out-with-everyone--20122310">spoke to Us Weekly </a>about her difficulties navigating the dating world after divorce. "I don't really 'date,'" <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/brandi-glanville-i-dont-date-but-i-make-out-with-everyone--20122310">she said</a>. "What is that? I make out! It's hard to meet guys because they want to date you because you are on TV, or there are guys who like you but don't want anything to do with you because you are on TV. It's a hard road."
Zooey Deschanel <a href="http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/gossip/2012/01/zooey-deschanel-divorce-ben-gibbard.html">filed for divorce</a> from Death Cab For Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard in December 2011 after <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20305870,00.html">two years of marriage</a>. The "New Girl" star talked about returning to the dating game in the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/09/zooey-deschanel-marie-claire-divorce-dating_n_1412486.html">May 2012 issue of Marie Claire. </a> “Honestly, I’m just going through a divorce, so I don’t really think that’s something I want to get into now," <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/09/zooey-deschanel-marie-claire-divorce-dating_n_1412486.html">Deschanel said</a>. "I don’t have time to date. I literally –- don’t-have-time."
After 11 years of marriage, Courteney Cox and David Arquette <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/david-arquette-why-courteney-cox-and-i-split-20101210">announced their separation</a> in October 2010. In February 2012, the "Cougar Town" actress opened up about how hard it was for her to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/21/courteney-cox-actress-has_n_1291379.html">date again after the split.</a> "I'm a homebody -- I don't really like to go out," <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/21/courteney-cox-actress-has_n_1291379.html">Cox said</a>. "I love restaurants, I love to have people over to my house. But I'm not really one to do a lot of stuff -- so I don't know how that all that happens... that part's a little difficult." The estranged couple<a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20603919,00.html"> filed for divorce</a> in June 2012.